I guess I don't love her.

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by thatrooper515, May 16, 2011.

  1. I have this freind. She is my ex. We talk on occasion and text every now and then. She starts almost all of the txt conversations( I would start them but I feel as though she doesn't want to talk to me unless she starts txting). Anyways when we do hang out or something it's usually like watching a movie at my house,concert and sometimes small partys. When we are together we very close. Lots of playful teasing and me putting my arm around her or her sitting between my legs. I would say it's kinda intimate because she doesn't do that with other guy freinds. We lost our virginity to each other when we were 15 or so and remaind friends.
    We only dated for a month or before we had sex and it wasn't till I broke up with her did we have sex. Long story short I feel like I love this girl. Her beauty her personality the way she looks at me. I just want to know do you think I don't love her? I should be happy just knowing she is happy. Still I want to be her bf because I guess I'm not happy. Am I selfish?
    Thank to anyone who reads/understands this wall of txt. I'm very high and this has been bothering mentor years.
     
  2. Only you can answer those questions dude
     
  3. you seem a tad young, so one can never know what exact advice to give...
     
  4. Yep I can't even buy beer. I guess I just want someone to say it's normal for me to be a bit sad that we are just freinds. And that's it's normal that I'm not happy even though she is happy.
     
  5. Is she single? Also, when you two talk, is there any conversation of the feelings between you two? Basically does she ever admit to having feelings or do you ever admit, and if so, are they mutual or unrequited as of yet?

    What you're going through is completely normal. As many will tell you, there is usually a bond between you and the person you lost your virginity to. You both gave something very personal away to each other. You'll notice that connection will probably always be there. Is it love? Or is it just something you'll both always share? It's hard to tell.

    Until the questions I asked are answered I'm going to refrain from giving any advice. I just want for people to understand the situation better before we start giving you advice that could potentially harm your situation/chances with the girl.
     
  6. Talk to her and look for the signs. Not much else we can say.
     

  7. I know she 'had' feelings for me. She told me she loved me but that I was too late. She tried for so long while we were fuck buddys to get me to date her. I thought it was part of the FB relationship, so I missed it.
    I don't know if she is still with her boyfriend. But I would defintily say those feelings are still there. She knows how to make me close to her and to cuddle with her just by doing something that she knows will lead to it. And she has almost always done this.
    How would I go about asking if she is still taken? I feel if she says she is taken then I'm back at square one. On the bright side if she isn't taken then maybe I could show her I can be everything she wants. Uh I'm like a lovesick dog.
    Anyways, thank you you've already made me see situation differently.
    Also I don't proofread my shit so some things may not make sence
     
  8. Check her Facebook profile and see if she's listed in a relationship or as single. It's probably the easiest way with out directly asking nowadays. If you can't find out from that, you've got two choices really. Either you can ask her directly or pursue her.

    If you ask her directly it will throw up red flags for her. She'll want to know why you care or why you're interested. You're pretty much stuck at that point. You can try to weasel out an excuse, but they're generally see through. You pretty much have to tell her you're interested. If you pursue her you have the possibility of being rejected because she is no longer interested, or because she does indeed have a boyfriend.

    As a hypothetical, let's say she is single. Since you mentioned you two already occasionally hang out, I'd invite her somewhere. Whether it's to a little get together or out for coffee. Tell her that you haven't seen each other in a while and you'd figure hanging out would be nice. If she goes along with it, it's a good sign. While hanging out, try to drop hints that you're interested. Sit closer to her, use her name when talking to her, and try to make her happy. Try to avoid using the word "friend." It labels your relationship with her immediately and could potentially close you out. From there, let the day end by asking her if she'd like to hang out soon and suggest a possible activity and day.

    Depending on how she responded to the day and your question at the end will give you a pretty clear idea if she's open to the idea of getting closer with you again. Since this is hypothetical, let's just assume she seemed interested. From there just start trying to communicate more frequently. Not everyday because it'll make you seem desperate but every few days hit her up with small talk. Just try to establish a good dialogue. From there, begin to be less subtle. Bring up good memories from when you dated her. Start telling her she's cute or the things you like about her. If she responds well to that. Continue for a little bit longer. Then when you feel it's right, tell her you're interested and that you have for a while. Make your case the best you can. You've got a 50/50 chance.

    I wish you good luck man.
     
  9. i had a very long on and off realtionship that started that way.. the fact you shared your virginity will always make you have some feelings for her.. but you are young.. you should experience other people and do things you want to do. i missed out on a lot ( even though i was happy w him ) but i would just remain as friends till your a bit older. it helps you grow as your own person..

    ( im stoned outta my face so i apologize if that sounded silly ) :p
     
  10. You love her and want to wife her and have 12 kids together.

    Do not deviate from the above plan.
     
  11. :( i thought i had good adviceeeee
     
  12. alright idk if this will help at all but im going through something similiar.

    so i was close friends with this girl for a year and we started dating. we were together for 6 months then she left me cuz i was acting foolish. biggest mistake of my life. we are still best friends but i have feelings for her like crazy. i love her so much and id do anything to get a second a chance. i know the chances of that happening are very slim and it breaks my heart. we talk almost everyday whether its texting, on the phone or facebook or whatever. we get along fine but it just eats me up inside man. she is about to start dating this guy that shes been friends with and it rips me up inside. im sorry if that sounds selfish or whatever but its true and it makes me feel like shit.

    i know where ur coming from. iv done that thing where u wait for her to start a conversation. i know exactly how u feel.i think u deff love her based on what u said in the first post. my advice to u would be if u want to date her that bad and it tears u up inside, then go for it(unless shes just not with it). if it doesnt work then u know it wont work and u can move on.

    should of, could of and would of situations can kill a person inside. if u love her and want her that bad then go for it. i wish i was in a position where i could go for it again but i cant and probably never will be able to. do it now while u still have the chance.
     
  13. Aw, dude. I feel for you. Just go with your gut feeling. And judging by the way you typed that.. You do love her, but you're trying to deny those feelings. Sometimes being rational about these types of feelings isn't the best option because you may end up denying yourself something that could end up being awesome, and totally worth it. I'm a girl, so I know how most girls are. We aren't just intimate with anyone, especially if she's not the "overly flirty" type like you say.. Her actions probably mean something, and she's obviously making attempts towards this relationship by initiating conversation.

    Go for it, put yourself out there.
    The worst that can happen is that you'll know for sure she doesn't like you, so you don't have to keep second-guessing her every move.

    Good luck dude!
    :)
     

  14. You know that skynard song gimme back my bullets? He says "I ain't fooling around cus I've done had my fun". Thats how I feel. I've dated and fucked alot (about 10) of other girls and by far she's the greatest.
    The best to hang out with, the best to fuck and the best to kiss. I'm myself around her and better yet I would trust her of we dated. I know people who have settled down and married by 25.
     
  15. You just have to do what's right for you. My best friend married the girl he dated throughout high school last year. I asked him before they got married if it was really what he wanted. I asked if he'd be willing to give up the remainder of his youth for just one girl (the only girl he's ever seriously dated and the one he lost his virginity to) and he confidently answered yes. He confidently told me it was the best and right decision for him. Because he was so confident, I supported him. For some people fooling around just doesn't make sense. People say you "miss out," but I don't believe it's always true. Perhaps you "miss out" because you didn't pursue the girl you really wanted. It's just a past tense phrase which people use to justify their actions. Again, do what's right for you. If pursuing her and fighting for her to get back with you feels right, then get on to it. If you can confidently say that this is what you want, then don't give up. Either she'll come around or you can be left with the notion that you gave it your all.
     
  16. Op, I have the very same personality.... I fell in love with a girl that is from Britain.... She had the perfect personality, a beauty that I think is classic... We're still friends but we're an ocean apart and she has had a couple of boyfriends since we broke up some time ago. I still love her very much so though I don't want to.

    I suggest that if you can, get her back. See what happens. You obviously love her dude. That sadness is just the pain of not actually being with her.
     
  17. I don't have any advise, but I have to say I find it really annoying when people say "when you love someone, you'll know it." Emotions are fuckin weird, man.
     
  18. when u love someone ull know it. if u dont think thats true then u havent loved someone.
     

  19. Good words, but I've heard them before. They gave me the confidence to tell her how I felt and was ready for something serious.
    I had the feeling she would leave her bf if I told her this. She stayed with him and we stayed freinds. Guess it's like round two eh
     
  20. #20 thatrooper515, May 18, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: May 18, 2011
    I know what you mean about having an ocean between us. Even if you live i'n the same city,state. :smoke:
    Just never thought I'd actually love someone i'n such a way.
    Oh I get it now your In America and i'n love. I thought about as feeling like there is. Thqts why fhe smoke face is up there.
     

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