I felt love for the first time in years.

I’ll be honest, I’ve been numb for so long I forgot what its like. I don’t even know if it’s love but the person and I grew together from friendship to... more. I felt odd so I blocked her. After half a decade I promised I’d never feel for a person aside from my mom after being stabbed by my ex, cheated on, robbed, lied to about domestic violence which made me rot in jail for a weekend, punched in the nose, and having been left for a woman. I’ve learned anything that’s alive is untrustworthy trash and I accept that. But this person made me have emotions for the first time in ages and I don’t understand how this happened. So after she told me how she felt I told her how I felt then blocked her and then got high and drunk. I told myself never again. This is why I always have one inside my FNX-40 chamber and a second in the mag incase I fuck up. I’d rather go my favorite spot by the river, get cross faded, and see my last sunrise before I let another person make me feel again. Making me cry and pull out my gun. I’ll blow my brains out just for fun. I can’t eat and I can’t sleep, I drip the blood out on my feet. Same old grass is on my lawn. But it’s died since she’s been gone.

So how’s your relationships going?

 

In all fairness I was drunk and high when I posted this but your response is actually pretty motivating. I feel I do pretty well in life, college grad making pretty good money, no kids or anything while still young. I mean yeah I should be able to man up and handle life and I’m still here, but I’ve this gun for a little over a year and I always knew long ago I’d have this in the back pocket when I became legal. But eh, it may never go off. As far as the woman, I want it but I know I can’t have it. Even right now I feel for her but eventually it’ll die and I’ll be back to myself. Sorry about your friend btw, but i understand where they’re coming from.

 

I think I’m gonna be sick.