I feel like I know nothing

Discussion in 'General' started by ZihgZag, Mar 26, 2012.

  1. If you take the time to read this, I appreciate it

    I feel like I have no skills, no purpose. I know a lot about everything, I'm a smart kid, but I don't really have any skills.

    All my life I've gone through shit, my parents got divorced when I was young (dad cheated), my mom got remarried twice, I had to deal with the first husband cheating on my mom when I was still young. My mom decided to get married again when I was about to be a teenager, put almost zero thought into it, and rushed it. It felt like I saw this dude and then all of a sudden he was married to my mom. long story short this guy and his family's genetics are pretty fucked, his daughter threatened to kill my mom, his young son is a drama queen with an underdeveloped mind.

    As a result my mom has attempted to make my life as easy as possible, even though I still felt the pressures and saw what was going on. I developed a very compassionate and all-encompassing view of the world, I see all sides, but I also became very impartial and apathetic.

    I was never encouraged to find potential in something, everything that I pursued were usually because of what my mom wanted me to do (i.e boy scouts, trumpet, ect.) and because of that I learned to half ass because I didn't fully care.

    I learned no skills, I wasn't with my dad enough to learn his trade and work ethic. I played the computer a lot when I was little, that's how I escaped my world. For years that's what my life was about, but now I pretty much hate video games.

    Nothing I do seems to hold interest. I get interested in something, read about it, but when I start diving into it I find that my interest drops and I never really get anywhere.

    So now here I am, about to turn 19 and I have no experience. Those around me have had something they wanted to do, or was pressed upon them early. My buddy is in a band playing sax and draws really well, he lives with his band in a different city. Meanwhile I'm stuck going to college living at the same house with my mom.

    It pains me to see people with hobbys they are good at while I have none. Skateboarding, Djing, drawing, music, singing, acting, sports, ect.

    My interest in everything is medicore, I try to succeed in school but something always comes along and pushes my grade down. I'm in the top 5% ACT in the nation, but my grades barely push 2.5

    Meanwhile my bad habits are taking over my life. I stay up too late, i can never go to sleep, as a result I always wake up late, I rarely eat breakfast, I stay in bed as late as possible because I don't want to leave. My grades have always lacked, so they naturally keep lacking. The same buddy mentioned above got me addicted to chew, and I try to stop but always end up buying a can a week later. I hate working, so I'm hesitant to get a job.

    Everything I'm passionate about is frowned upon in society: weed, gambling, philosophy.

    I'm a thinker, not a doer. I know a vast amount of information but I can't put it into practice. I can't find something that truly interests me, I see through everything and find the satire.

    I just feel like I'm behind the pack, everybody is far more successful at what they do at this point than me.

    I don't know what to do, I didn't know I needed a passion when I was younger and it feels like its getting too late to start every day.
  2. Dude your cool ide kill to chill with you EVERYONE has something there are meant to do in life..your a smart young man, you can succeed in life easily. As many of people has said what doesnt kill you makes you stronger, i guess what im trying to get at is dont dwell on what you can't do but thrive on what you can do. Im here for you bro even if im the only one who is.
  3. Your story speaks to me man,
    I fell the same way you do in that all of my friends have moved onto college some are getting their degrees, their own houses, and here I am, living day to day thinking I could be doing a lot more.
    Don't lose hope though.

  4. Those are kind words friend, I appreciate it

    I can succeed but I don't know what to start succeeding at.

  5. I have so much untapped potential it's ridiculous, but I have nothing to direct that potential into.

  6. I guess what it all comes down to is what do you want out of this life and how can you make that happen?
  7. What really gets me down is that if my mom showed me the guitar, something she played before I was born, when I was little I would be Jimi Hendrix right now. My fingers are made for the guitar, but now that I'm nineteen I'm way behind the pack. I know people personally who have already been playing for YEARS, and I'm sure there's people in the world that have been playing since they were 5 years old.

    If anything I guess I can make my life about encouraging my son to succeed at his passion, but I'd be following in my father's footsteps. I don't want to be the person relinquished to valuing their life on their child's success, I'd rather achieve it myself.
  8. #8 BlazeLE, Mar 26, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 26, 2012
    dude thats almost an exact story of my life if you change a few minor details. it really sucks. as ive said many times i think my calling is growing cannabis but i cant do that where i live. nothing interests me anymore. all i want to do is smoke weed and chill. i mean with the shitty ass wages i have no desire to work. why should i live paycheck to paycheck while my boss drives a brand new mercedes? idk. im sick of life, nothing ever goes my way. i never get a lucky break or any opportunities to do what i love. like i never want to go to sleep because it means i have to wake up to another shitty day.

    edit: and watching the world take the course its taking does nothing but make me more depressed. i know i have no future at this rate. if the world continues on this course i dont even want to bring children into this world.

  9. Im serious brother my sister was in serious depression and attempted suicide this shit gets to me. I do not want to see anyone in this state of mind this world is materialistic and it shouldnt been this way. People feel like they should be like everyone else in this world that is "popular" or "famous" when you should be your own person which you are. Its people like you that i admire.
  10. I can really sympathize with you man, I am in a close situation to yours. Never had to try hard in highschool. Felt like college didn't offer me anything (but I went for a year.) Now I'm working at a highschoolers job and thinking I could be doing so much more but I just don't have the desire? or drive. I guess thats the right word.

    Either way man, I'm in the same boat. I think we need to invent something and not worry about getting pointless jobs?
  11. Damn I'm in the same boat. I moved to a new town and state and eryone asks., Wat do you do wats ur interest Mean while. Wen I was back n California I wasn't doin shit but perfecting how to be drunk and anything weed related. Hanging out in front the store all day. I don't have any real skills ether. And everyone around me frowns on my shit too. I'm 21 n just learning how to support myself. But Wat I did was. Put myself in a environment that I'm forced to support myself. Once I ran low on money. 3,000 miles from Cali I got a job real fast. So by relying on only myself wit I'll to no help I'm sure I will develope sum skills it working so far. Just gotta keep shit rolling...stay up

  12. Man if you know you have a natural talent for an instrument it doesn't matter how old you are you should definitely pick one up. Playing my bass gives my life a little meaning because I get to be a little creative and damn it helps relieve stress.
  13. take ur passions to the next level ese.
  14. Yeah I relate. Except my mom forced me into a job.. Eventually paying off but yeah..

    When I went into high school my mom always said..

    "Zach.. You HAVE to be involved.."

    Forced me to do marching band.. Got kicked out...

    Forced me to join theatre.. Which I had fun at but was interested in..

    Got expelled on a theatre field trip..

    Got back into the SAME theatre program a year later and got kicked out..

    My mom gave up by senior year. But yeah. I think if she'd just let me do my thing I'd probably have found my own my way but now I'm 19 and still trying to figure out who the fuck I actually am..
  15. I was kinda the same way. You really just have to nut up and fucking do something about it. You can't blame your mom for your lack of interest in anything. And you only have yourself to blame for your poor schoolwork. You clearly know what you're doing wrong, change your bad habits. Start to give a fuck in school and maybe you'll develop an interest in something. Apathy will get you nowhere.

  16. Exactly dude, all I wanna do is grow weed while it's still illegal, because afterwards the corporations will own weed. My state will probably be the first to legalize it this year, which would be incredible and sad at the same time.

    The United States has an actual patent on cannibinoids claiming the medicinal benefits of the drug, yet it remains on the Schedule I list with no accepted medical use.

    I swear, all it would take is one stupid scandal to put enough pressure on the government to reschedule the drug. I have no idea why the legalization organizations aren't blatantly shoving this in the governments face or in lawsuits, in my opinion they would easily win; they are flagrantly contradicting themselves.
  17. We're playin it cool by the law like stoners.

    Low pressure, consistent attacks
  18. I had no idea I would get this kind of response, thank you very much

    I've developed a very real sense of the world. The world is bleak, we live in a small bubble of protection called society, but even society is dangerous and forsakened.

    I see so many undeserving of power and wealth with it. Sometimes I think the only way I will succeed is to win the lottery, I have a gut feeling I'm going to win one day so I'll try to stick to it. If I won, sure, I would enjoy my life to the fullest. But I would most definitely give much to my family and the friends who have been real. They would be richly awarded.

    That's real deep... I don't know what to say..

    Yeah exactly, I don't have the drive. Instead of doing I can comprehend all the ways that it can't work. A lot of people don't know the odds, so they blindly do things resulting in positive and negative consequences.

    I know, invention is the key to success. Take Draw Something for example, this iphone game now has half a million likes on facebook and they just began. The popularity is ridiculousness for something so simple. Guess the drawing, on a phone. SMH

    I hear you, but I couldn't support myself and go to college so I'm stuck in my house

    I play every 2 days or so, I'm getting better. But my sax buddy just told me all the scales and modes and shit i need to learn to know all the notes and it was mindblowing. But I want to learn them all and I will before I die. I want to be the cool 20 year old with skills, but I don't care if I'm 40, if I can shred

    The thing is I have few passions. My passions would probably be music, drugs, gambling, and entertainment. I can practice gambling for 2 more years before it's even legal for me, I'm already good but I will be mob status by 21. Who knows maybe I'll be a high roller one day

    Music is slow learning by yourself, but I know some people. Entertainment is hard to get into

    Drugs is self explanatory

    Damn what'd you get expelled for?

    Instead of parents forcing their own agenda, they need to constantly ask their kid: "what interests you?" "what makes you happy?"

    One day they'll have an answer, and then you support that to the fullest. They say they like the guitar, buy em a guitar, tell them to play it as much as possible. Maybe they like bikes, get em a bike, take em to a track. Maybe they'll be the next matt hoffman.

  19. thats my problem, whenever i did get interested in something they didnt support shit. pretty much the only thing i was ever told was "go to school" not even do well, just go.
  20. actually guys, i dont want the shit i just posted to be on the internet, sorry i hope you feel better kid

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