If you take the time to read this, I appreciate it I feel like I have no skills, no purpose. I know a lot about everything, I'm a smart kid, but I don't really have any skills. All my life I've gone through shit, my parents got divorced when I was young (dad cheated), my mom got remarried twice, I had to deal with the first husband cheating on my mom when I was still young. My mom decided to get married again when I was about to be a teenager, put almost zero thought into it, and rushed it. It felt like I saw this dude and then all of a sudden he was married to my mom. long story short this guy and his family's genetics are pretty fucked, his daughter threatened to kill my mom, his young son is a drama queen with an underdeveloped mind. As a result my mom has attempted to make my life as easy as possible, even though I still felt the pressures and saw what was going on. I developed a very compassionate and all-encompassing view of the world, I see all sides, but I also became very impartial and apathetic. I was never encouraged to find potential in something, everything that I pursued were usually because of what my mom wanted me to do (i.e boy scouts, trumpet, ect.) and because of that I learned to half ass because I didn't fully care. I learned no skills, I wasn't with my dad enough to learn his trade and work ethic. I played the computer a lot when I was little, that's how I escaped my world. For years that's what my life was about, but now I pretty much hate video games. Nothing I do seems to hold interest. I get interested in something, read about it, but when I start diving into it I find that my interest drops and I never really get anywhere. So now here I am, about to turn 19 and I have no experience. Those around me have had something they wanted to do, or was pressed upon them early. My buddy is in a band playing sax and draws really well, he lives with his band in a different city. Meanwhile I'm stuck going to college living at the same house with my mom. It pains me to see people with hobbys they are good at while I have none. Skateboarding, Djing, drawing, music, singing, acting, sports, ect. My interest in everything is medicore, I try to succeed in school but something always comes along and pushes my grade down. I'm in the top 5% ACT in the nation, but my grades barely push 2.5 Meanwhile my bad habits are taking over my life. I stay up too late, i can never go to sleep, as a result I always wake up late, I rarely eat breakfast, I stay in bed as late as possible because I don't want to leave. My grades have always lacked, so they naturally keep lacking. The same buddy mentioned above got me addicted to chew, and I try to stop but always end up buying a can a week later. I hate working, so I'm hesitant to get a job. Everything I'm passionate about is frowned upon in society: weed, gambling, philosophy. I'm a thinker, not a doer. I know a vast amount of information but I can't put it into practice. I can't find something that truly interests me, I see through everything and find the satire. I just feel like I'm behind the pack, everybody is far more successful at what they do at this point than me. I don't know what to do, I didn't know I needed a passion when I was younger and it feels like its getting too late to start every day.