So uh, yea. Kinda embarrassing, but I don't really know anyone here so I'll just go on ahead. Basically, I'm 20 and have never had any relationship whatsoever. The most that's happened is a girl kissing me. And that's actually happened a couple of times now, and I never can even react it seems. I don't even know why... it's weird. Like, I'm normally fairly quiet, but around girls I'm like... I dunno, I guess I'm just intimidated or something? I'm very happy and content with who I am and I don't really want to change myself, but that's one thing that I just hate about myself and i don't even understand why I'm like that. I mean, there have been a couple times where girls come up to me. It's not like I don't get the hint, but I just can't seem to act on it. At all. Which comes to the recent thing... So, there's a girl. Actually seems real cool and chill, and is pretty into music--a huge plus for me. I met her a few months ago, actually. Again, she came up to me (I don't think I've ever even approached a girl) and literally gave me her number. I mean, she made it discrete by saying how she wanted to find some drummers to jam with (she plays guitar, and she came up to me after my band played a show for a friend's party), but I'm sure just about any other guy would've got the hint. But I just was like, "Sweet, I love jamming with people!" She never called, and after a while I was just like w/e... no jam. Then a few weeks later, she called me. She said I should come hang out (she's friends with one of my best friend's friend or something, and they were hanging out at his place) and even said I should call her sometime to hang out. So yea... I got this hint this time hah. Well anyway, I went over, was my normal awkward self around girls, and then we went for a cruise (she's pretty big on weed, I guess ). This was back when I was only smoking just every once in a while cause of work. So long story short, I was goooooone and basically was just a fucking rock with some wobbly legs. I ended up just going home that night (by choice) and felt bad and stupid the following day. Like, I actually felt depressed for solid week cause I just was so disappointed in myself (and I don't blame the weed, although it definitely didn't help cause I was soooo high). And for whatever stupid reason, I assumed she now hated me and didn't want to hear from me. Bit my lip and moved on. Now the other day, I saw her again. My band had gig this weekend, and she came out. When she came in, I was chillin with some friends near the entrance so she said hi and smiled, then came up and hugged me. She walked off with some friends and I stupidly just sat like a stump and didn't go to talk to her or anything. BUT, it shot down my dumbass theory of "she doesn't give a rat's ass about me," and I feel like I should call her now. Especially since she basically made the "first move" twice (hell, you could argue 3+ times). So I definitely think I need to do something cause I want to get to know her. Cause as pathetic as it might sound, a similar situation has happened a few times before and not doing anything on my part definitely doesn't show interest, and thus ends it... Aaaaand, that's basically where I'm stuck. I want to call her, but like... I'm so horrible at this kinda stuff, like I don't even know what to do. I'm like a fcking pre-pubescent 12-year-old boy ahaha. So, like what do I do? I've figured out that I should call her, and ask if she wants to hang out or something, but then I'm lost. And how can I get over this stupid "fear" I have of women, or whatever the fck you want to call it? Cause I hate it, it's just stupid and I know it's stupid, but I can't seem to get passed it. sorry that ended up a bit longer than I wanted but yea... thanks if anyone actually reads this, and even more thanks if anyone can give me some help, even though I'm just some newb posting on your forums. /sucks up pride and hits "Submit New Thread"
Cmon dude call her,you can do it,just think shes more nervous than you are(i know is kinda imposibble but just think that),girls are easy,sweet talk,kisses,hugs,get her high and fuck her.Simple as that.
i hear ya bro, those girls can be scary haha. i'm like the epitome of awkward around girls so i totally understand. honestly it sounds like you need to get laid. it opens up a whole new world of comfort within the realm of dealing with girls. something about laying naked with a girl who's *gasp* being nice to you really does wonders for confidence. unless it goes horribly wrong things should be pretty comfortable with that girl from there on out. a lot of girls just seem to get it lol. ah, the confidence that comes with beauty and a vagina. this girl definitely sounds interested and patient if she's willing to pursue you while you are seemingly uninterested. since she likes music maybe you could give her a call and suggest you go check out a band or something. you know she likes to smoke so maybe you could grab a bag and suggest you chill out and smoke a bowl sometime. how about this. invite her out, see if she wants a ride, and before the show starts suggest that you step outside to burn one real quick haha. that way you will both be nice and toasty for the show and you'll have all that time to feel each other out without talking too much. after the show i bet the relationship will have gotten a bit more comfortable.
Alright the first two paragraphs definitely had me thinking you might just not be straight ya know? Soon enough you came to the part about girls and it was a new story. This girl, it sounds like she definitely has some interest in you that you could make a move on. Call her up, be confident, you're the shit. No but really, think about what she likes to do. Once you find something in that brain of yours, then you ask her about doing said thing, go with it. Communication is all about one thing; Being interested in the other member/s of the conversation, and asking questions about what they have to say without overdoing it. People like to talk about themselves, it works, and then you don't have to talk your mouth off because she will do it for you. Tell me more about yourself, you say you're 20. Do you have a vehicle? Oh and wait! FUCK! dude, she likes smoking weed you said? So roll a blunt and call her up, talk some shit, listen to her run her mouth like women do and no, actually listen to some of it, she might bring it up some day. So anyways, call her up, do that, then casually ask her if she'd like to smoke some weed sometime. If shes into that then go with it, tell her you're rolling a blunt because hey everyone has to like blunts its the rules. Remember when you're talking to her, you're offering her something she likes to do, when you do that to anybody they are likely to respond positively.
Sounds like you have that dreaded disease called shyness. (Man, I know that feeling and what you end up finding out later in life is everyone thinks you're stuck up or aloof.) You did a good job expressing yourself here and you seem content with yourself except you are not happy with how you interact with girls. Anyway, here's a suggestion. If you can't tell this girl verbally what you're feeling, text her or write it down for her. Tell her the basics, "I'm shy, your cool, I wanna hang with you." Girls are much more in tune with their emotions and she will listen and understand so don't worry. And when you do hang with her tell her you really like her but it takes you time to loosen up so please be patient.
ha, you guys are awesome. or maybe it's just the weed. but yea, thanks for the posts. i dunno, getting a good kick in the pants actually does seem to help.
I'll repeat what I always say on these posts - just tell her the truth, you'd really like to get to know her better and that there's nothing wrong with you but you're shy and awkward around girls. Takes all the pressure off of you and really, what's the worst thing that can happen?
Absolutely! Be totally honest, tell her you're shy but you like her. She'll totally melt all over you, especially if you blush. A lot of girls like a sweet guy who can be straight up instread of pretending to be cool. Besides, you can make all your n00b mistakes with this one girl, and you'll never be that n00b again. Everybody has to be a n00b once, you know?
F you man...you have them coming to you and you're like "eh?" I wish that was me. But for real, just invite her to do something you like with just her, such as chill as the house, go to a movie, a favorite restaurant, whatever.
You're on the edge of some of the best and most fulfilling experiences of your life. I'm a little jealous of what you have yet to experience. Enjoy and cherish every minute of it - even now, when you feel unsure and bewildered.
Everyone telling you to be honest is correct. The worst thing you could do is put on a front and act like someone youre not. And being up front about who you are is gonna save everyone a lot of time/pain/frustration. Extra props for Sam Spade.
Pick up the phone right now. You're going to feel hesitated. Dial her number. Ask her if she wants to see a movie. And just go with the flow.
When your hanging out with her just act like your hanging with your bro, but act like you should around girls.
chicks are only scary if you regard them higher than men. they are just as good as us. now consider you wanted something from a guy frined. like a place to stay or convincing them to do something touchy. its the same thing but you want them to go out with you and possibly have the secks
You don't know what to say? You shouldn't. It should be natural and genuine. I usually just ask a girl out to tea/coffee/hot chocolate and see how I'm feeling about it when the time comes. Just tell her "Hey, I think you're really interesting and I'd like to get to know you. Want to go out for coffee sometime?" For some reason this girl finds you interesting, don't fuck it up.
^^ haha good stuff I have the same problem as u, I'm always to shy so I almost never confront the girl first. Then if I do I don't really know what to say to them. The worse part for me is starting the conservation and then trying to carry it on.
it's okay. My friend's 22, and is still a virgin. yeah, I'd probably kill myself if I was him.........what can I say?????......anxiety sucks.
Also, invite her to do something that you would enjoy. If you or her aren't comfortable with what you are doing, are you sure you'll like her?
Yeah I'm with the other guy that said call her up and ask her if she's down for a little smoking session...that's always a good situation to talk for a while and get to know each other. But if you think you'll just quiet down again then you should probably do something else - you want to come out of your shell after all. You guys are both obviously into music and probably have similar tastes in music if she is seeing your band and trying to jam with you, so find some good live music and ask her if she wants to go with you. Good luck bro