I've been thinking for about a week now that I want to break up with my girlfriend...but I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. Idk. I feel so depressed right now I don't know what to do. If I break up with her I'll break her heart. A few days ago I was feeling over it already..but I still have feelings for her. Things just aren't right anymore...and she doesn't seem to want to fix it. I've done so much only to get shit in return I feel like. I know she doesn't intend to do that but thats how she treats me... idk what else to say. I'm so lost.
Have you told her any of this? I mean if she's doing something wrong and you really care about her let her know and see if anything changes. if not then you know what to do and at least she'll know exactly why...
You should really give us more details. Like, what do you see as an issue between you two? Have you talked about it? How long has it been going on? Depending on your answers, you may or may not want (or be able) to save the relationship.
Well its like this, basically we don't ever talk like we used to (other things as well). I think that she doesn't find me as interesting as she used to because we've been dating so long that shes just leveled out and theres not much new to learn about me, which I don't see as a problem. But everytime we hang out we never talk, shes tense at my house cause she doesn't like the vibe and she has yet to buy her own apartment yet so our hanging out consists of me basically being a tag-along to whereever she wants to go. We used to be able to chill at her dads house and smoke weed with her step mom and just be cool but she doesnt live there anymore (she moved in with her mom) so we can't do that. On top of that, she doesn't seem to give a shit about my feelings towards what she does or says sometimes and it makes me feel like instead of being like she used to (when she would like actually respect me and try to PLEASE me instead of not giving a shit) she just doesn't care about what I think cause I think she's got this mentality that 'oh well he loves me so it doesn't matter what I do or say cause he'll still be mine" or whatever ya know. Like the way she talks and does things just make me feel like I'm back in fuckin high school or something. For example, whenever she wants to hang out, or when I ask her to do something, she ALWAYS asks if someone else can come along. Her sisters/brother/friends/whatever. I dont mind hanging out with them but it makes me feel like she doesn't really want to spend time with ME she just likes my company. I told her this and thought I made it clear but she continued to do it. Yesterday we were supposed to go camping, This entire week shes been really wanting to go camping really badly. She made it seem like she wanted to go with ME and nobody else. I was cool with that (I was gonna say no at first cause it was supposed to rain and shit) and as soon as I tell her we can go she says 'can my sisters come?' I was like wtf... but I told her it was cool idc. That kind of shit happens all the time. I talked to her about it recently and she said shes not trying to be like that and she's sorry. I think instead of being sorry after you know you're pissing me off just isn't good enough because if a person loves another person they don't always wait until they're corrected to fix whatever they're doing wrong. She shouldn't be doing things that she knows pisses me off in the first place, ya know? Like as if she wants me to accept her apology every time she does it and willingly. I never ever ask to bring anybody along when I hang out with her, ANYWHERE. Camping, at the house, downtown, whatever, I never ask to bring someone else along and I told her why and she responded with 'well I like being with big groups of people.' I told her that its fine to wanna be with a lot of friends but I want to spend time with HER and NOT her friends especially ALL THE TIME. Make sense? On top of all this shit, theres been other relationship problems. One of them being the fact that I can't remember the last time we had sex and that bothers me immensely. Not because I haven't been laid, it bothers me because (like i said in another post) we used to have sex like 3-4 times a week and it made me feel good because the way she talked about it made it sound like she LOVED having sex with me and nothing else mattered when it came to us being alone in the bedroom. When I confronted her about it she said 'we just don't have time anymore.' I didn't say anything else, but I'll get it out here: I think that is a bullshit reply because when we 'did have time' we were both occupied with things like jobs (which we've both quit since) and shit, and we made time all the time. Whenever we could. Now its summer and we've both quit our jobs, we have NOTHING to do but hang out and we haven't had sex hardly at all this summer. That makes me feel like I'm not performing in bed or that shes bored of sex or something. everytime we hang out she seems eager to go home or something so once again, I feel like I'm not what I used to be to her, and the reason I'm in her life is not because she LOVES ME, but because she loves having a boyfriend who will love her. In my mind, she treats me like shit for a girlfriend who claims to love me as much as she does, and I treat her like a fucking goddess yet she doesn't even notice. On top of this, I don't get rewarded for treating her great in anyway at all, no sex, no respect, no fucking anything but a shitty ruined day at the end of the day and horrible feelings about what I should do about this. for example, yesterday (we ended up not going camping cause it rained us out as we were setting up) when we got back to her dads place to drop off her sisters, she got on the fucking computer and made me sit in there with her while she looked up all kinds of random shit from camping spots to whatever. I told her I didn't want to stay in there and wanted to leave because A)she had cats in there and I'm allergic to cats. My nose was stuffed up and my eyes looked like I had been smoking for hours, and itchy as hell. She blew it off as if I could get ovre it and kept looking up POINTLESS SHIT on the computer. When I left to get some water to drink she was upset that I left her in there cause she thought I left for good. But B) the reason I was upset also about this is because I sat in there doing nothing but watching her waste time that we could be sspending alone doing FUN shit. I know for a fact if she was at my house I wouldn't blow her off on the computer and not pay attention to her. Anyway. Thats my rant. Do you guys agree or what? Haha yeah man, sometimes its best to just not think and do.
Break up with her and tell her all the reasons you just told us. Sounds to me like she knows she can do whatever because you're good to her. You can't let it get to that point or you'll stay miserable unless you make her snap out of it. The best way to let her know you're fed up with it is to dump her unfortunately. Seems like you need a little respite from it all anyway. I recently ended a two year relationship, partly because of what you mentioned (had been dating for awhile so it's not nearly as exciting). There are things she does that I don't like and things I do that she doesn't like... I miss her like hell, and one of my friends put it well yesterday... she said "i think you like the idea of getting back together with her but don't actually want to be in a relationship with her." Dead on. It would be great to not miss her so much, but I don't think either of us have changed enough to make it work any better than it did before. Anyway, my point is I had to make the same choice you did, chose to end it and don't regret it.
Man after reading that you've GOT to do it. Man, just explain all of these reasons to her. She will cry, she will be upset, but its time to move on. I had to do something similar with my girlfriend last year. It sucks balls but man it lifted a huge weight off my shoulder. This relationship doesnt sound good at all. Its unhealthy. Stay single for a while and understand that there is a sea of fish out there. You can move on from this. You are young.
if you're not happy, and she's not making an effort, end it for yourself. don't put yourself through something that's not good for you just for the sake of her. it'll end up hurting you both way more in the long run.
Thank you guys for your support. I never finished my rant cause I ran short of time but a few other things I didn't mention were About a week and a few days ago some shit happened with my girlfriend and my dad. She HATES my dad, and vice versa. My dad got pissed at me for a bunch of shit that didn't even happen (He thought I was selling drug paraphernalia and drugs downtown as well as breaking into peoples houses..all because he saw that someone did it on the news, he assumed it was me..but anyway) and called my girlfriend and told her that he was going to call the cops on her if he found her at his house again. He's over it now (hes pretty much 2 different people) but this upset my girlfriend. When I called her and talked to her about it she told me in a real bitchy tone 'I'm sorry..but I'm not going to come around your house ever again or anywhere near there and you can't come to my house until you move out, and I can't be around you.' That broke my heart because she didn't seem to give a shit about ME but she cared more about my dads threats. I understand her concern that she doesn't want the cops called on her, but at the time I felt like her attitude was she would ignore me until I moved out or at least partly and expect me to wait on her when she would make no effort to come see me. It made me feel like shit. The reason I tell this story is because it ties into the next one Recently we've been making tons of tie dye shirts to sell (recently there was a giant street festival downtown..anyone around WNC would probably know about Bele Chere..). I GOT ALL the shirts, and ALL the tie dye equipment to dye them, the only thing she did was drive me around (I don't have a car yet). So anyway our original plan (before the shit with my dad happened) was to sell these shirts downtown together and go to six flags with the money we made. She called me asking if I was gonna go and I told her I was pissed about what she told me on the phone about not seeing me for whatever reasons. She eventually got me to go witht hem and they picked me up. I asked if I could bring the shirts to sell and she said 'yeah if you want.' So I assumed, with all the bs she put me through (and she knew what she put me through cause I told her) that naturally the profits would go to me since I made the effort to get the stuff to make the shirts, got the shirts, and was bringing the shirts and selling them myself. I did plan on giving her gas money and cigarette money but I wanted the rest (and we were gonna use it together anyway). you know what happens? Her and her band of friends/family members take the shirts and start selling them, and then talking about how THEY'RE going to use the money! Right in front of my fucking face! I was like WTF. I don't really give a shit about money because I hate the idea of capitalism, but it shocked me how selfish and thoughtless she was being towards ME. Especially after what had happened with my dad. We didn't sell any shirts that day we went with her friends and people, but the next day we went we sold about 50 bucks worth and she took ALL that money and spent it on gas, cigarettes and ice cream/expensive street festival food. That was a fucking kick in the face. And get this shit, I asked her to save me 5 dollars so I could get some rolling papers and she said it was fine (we had 10 left). The next day she spends the rest of the money on gas and mcdonalds. bullshit.
stop talking to her and seeing her. just saw my ex for the first time in a few weeks and i'm more upset now than i have been since we broke up. not seeing her at all sucks too but trust me it's better
Dude come on!!!! How can you deal with this shit. What are your reasons for staying with her? If she pulled that shit on me id kick her ass to the curb, no matter how hot she is! Fuckin A, reading this just makes me mad. When are you going to come to your senses and get over her! End it!
I'm pretty confident I will. One of the reasons I don't wanna break it off yet is cause atm shes having serious family problems so she's been pretty depressed about several things. If I broke up with her it'd just make her life that much worse. On top of that shes going to the green day concert tomorrow in Atlanta (her favorite band int he world..she loves those losers lol) and if I broke up with her it'd totally ruin it. That would definitely be a way of getting back at her though lol. If only I was into revenge, that'd be a sweet revenge.
That would be awesome revenge. Text her or something in the middle of the concert, so when she gets out she'll be like "Oh, that son of a bitch. He just ruined Green Day."
I've been in a very similar situation about a week, except my Gf didn't do all that bullshit but I wanted to end it for other reasons. My best advice would be to end it, don't worry about what happens to them. They will be fine and so will you. It's hard at first, but believe me, everything gets SO MUCH BETTER. And there are so many beautiful girls out there waiting to be orgasmed. Go and DO IT. Leave the GF bullshit to the losers, be single and fuck all the hot girls. Trust me, they will love you for it. And it will be alot more fullfilling then your relationship with your GF.
If you want to end it, then seriously just end it, man. If I were with a guy who didn't want to be with me, I would rather him be straight up and tell me how it is as soon as he feels that way, rather than to chill like it's a happy relationship when it really isn't. If she thinks things are okay, and they aren't, you need to let her know. To me, being in a fake relationship would be a lot worse than being all alone. =/
There's an alternative solution. If you still feel like you love her, and could see you two working out in the future if she fixed a few things, tell her you want to go on a "break" from the relationship so you can take time to think and she can sort out her issues. Could be a month, or two months of not seeing her. At least this way, you know you're sure about any decision you make.
We've talked and finally had sex once again (damn good sex at that..she loved it haah). things feel better right now..but Idk. I guess I never saw our relationship going like THAT far into the future, but the fact that sex seemed to make everything magically better at least for this night (the first night this entire week that Ive felt happy with her again) makes me think that it was more lust than love on my part in the beginning, and I carried that trait with me..I do love her now..but the beginning lust I think screwed up my mentality int he beginning. Still, thats no excuse for her treating me like shit like she's done. She seems genuinely sorry after our talk, but I think the reason I never was as harsh as I shoulda been on her and took her shit was because I honestly think she genuinely doesn't mean it wen she does it. Like she doesn' treally understand when she does it (she doesnt realize when she does things like that). I still think she should at least b esomewhat thoughtful towards me. Idk if that made sense..Im kinda high right now lol
Do what needs to be done man, break up with her. Sort the rest out (her feelings) later. But be nice, you know what to do. Sitting down with her and talking to her about why and shit couldn't hurt. It'd at least let her know you care enough to think of her feelings, most people who get dumped feel 100% worthless.