We got back to where we used to be, chit chatting and nothing being awkward, which i love. I really do, i'm ok with not being "with" her while we hang out. I'm not even technically with her at all. Though i wish we were. I can see myself holding out for her, as long as it took. If you were to see people as puzzle pieces, and the matches are, well, matches. She'd be mine, i feel. I want to take care of her and simply love her, but she won't let me, i understand why and can accept and respect it. It just sucks that i have to either keep these emotions to myself, or explain them to one of my best friends. I can't express them to her, in fear of pushing her away. I just want to love her. I would love her, to let me love her. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUJXeqh_76k I'm not sure why, but i feel like her's telling her to come through to get laid. When i listen to it, though, i hear (come on over, we should kick it and be with each other.) I've been listening to this song for the past 2 to 3 days and it seems to have helped (denial?) Though when ever i listen to it, i automatically think about her. I thought about her a little less today, was hoping her ankle is fine, and hoping her new month long assignment is going well. Just hoping things are going well for her. Asked her if she was gonna do anymore moving after i got off work, she said she was hoping too. Asked her if it wouldn't happen would she want to hangout for a little bit anyway. Basically was told she might be with a chick tonight, strictly to get laid. She used TLC though, and while i didn't know what it meant exactly at the moment i had a general idea of what she was hoping would happen. This hurt, she told me she wasn't attracted to her though (emotionally anyway) and just wanted some good sex. Which i can understand. Just wish i could be with her. Almost broke the dam earlier when talking with Cory about it. I feel i gotta break the dam, or i might go a bit crazy soon. Haven't broken the dam for almost a good decade or more. To be honest though, i'd rather it break when it's me and her. I think she would really, know, that i feel, that i need her. I don't feel right thinking that in the future the possibility of us connecting, is not there. I can go a few days without seeing her, and fairly little contact. We got our own stuff we gotta do, i get that. But the idea of not being able to be with her, at all, to gaurd her, make her happy, that someone else could. Ruins me. It makes me want to cry right now, thinkin about it. Yea i sound like a little bicth, cryin over a women, blah blah. I just want to be the person who can make her smile, and let her know day in day out, I got you, and i won't let shit happen to you if i have any say in the matter.