My 2nd poem: a paradoxical abyss lets your existence reminisce through times of sorrow and of bliss forever forgotten of this it's not like energy resists the delusional choice masks the power of voice emulating rejoice thus strengthening the hoists so what can one do am i me or you what path to go through i bid you adieu. My 1st poem: my eyes can see you seeing me the looking tree is breaking free I have the seed for those in need but please take heed the devils feed we are here here is now no need to fear under your brow here is my light for it is night now i shall give my gift of sight a child is born there minds adorn when will they mourn there lives forsworn so let them dream this perfect scheme Ibrahim said on a ream so don't be stressed on wisdom s quest when you've oppressed your day of rest.
yeah i listen to rock too ill listen to some rap though for some meaningless fun haha i like the song pursuit of happiness by kid cudi especially the new video although i don't know any of his other stuff he has some pretty deep lyrics in it even if he doesn't know it. you should watch it.
a very basic rhyming scheme but it works, if your going to rhyme in your works try not to use very elementry words like night-light-bright, brouden your vocab and you will be surpised how much easier it is to write, despite the critique, very good, you took me to a different place
thank you, yes i agree that the poems are very basic but mainly I'm just trying to get my thoughts out to other people and this might sound weird but I cant grasp the concept of structure because i don't believe structure exists like us forever falling in space there cant be structure where there is no foundation. (wow i got a little off topic there sorry i think to much.) but I'm definitely going to work on a better rhyme scheme and use a more sophisticated vocabulary.