I ask that you please read these and give me your interpretation

Discussion in 'The Artist's Corner' started by ganja smugglin, May 27, 2010.

  1. My 2nd poem:
    a paradoxical abyss
    lets your existence reminisce
    through times of sorrow and of bliss
    forever forgotten of this
    it's not like energy resists

    the delusional choice
    masks the power of voice
    emulating rejoice
    thus strengthening the hoists

    so what can one do
    am i me or you
    what path to go through
    i bid you adieu.

    My 1st poem:

    my eyes can see
    you seeing me
    the looking tree
    is breaking free

    I have the seed
    for those in need
    but please take heed
    the devils feed

    we are here
    here is now
    no need to fear
    under your brow

    here is my light
    for it is night
    now i shall give
    my gift of sight

    a child is born
    there minds adorn
    when will they mourn
    there lives forsworn

    so let them dream
    this perfect scheme
    said on a ream

    so don't be stressed
    on wisdom s quest
    when you've oppressed
    your day of rest.
  2. Fucking OUTSTANDING. +REP!
  3. thank you for taking the time to read these.
  4. Yeah, no diggity. I wish we could see stuff like this in rap music (I listen to rock, personally).
  5. yeah i listen to rock too ill listen to some rap though for some meaningless fun haha
    i like the song pursuit of happiness by kid cudi especially the new video although i don't know any of his other stuff he has some pretty deep lyrics in it even if he doesn't know it.
    you should watch it.
  6. I'll check it out.

    And consider this a bump. ;)
  7. again thanks and tell me if you like it when you see it.
  8. a very basic rhyming scheme but it works, if your going to rhyme in your works try not to use very elementry words like night-light-bright, brouden your vocab and you will be surpised how much easier it is to write, despite the critique, very good, you took me to a different place
  9. thank you, yes i agree that the poems are very basic but mainly I'm just trying to get my thoughts out to other people and this might sound weird but I cant grasp the concept of structure because i don't believe structure exists like us forever falling in space there cant be structure where there is no foundation. (wow i got a little off topic there sorry i think to much.) but I'm definitely going to work on a better rhyme scheme and use a more sophisticated vocabulary.
  10. dont rhyme, thats the untimate statement of anti-structure
  11. hahahaha yes, thats very true.

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