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I appear to have the sexual maturity of a 12 year old.

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by [0[eagjo, Mar 27, 2012.

  1. I'm not really seeking as much help as I am looking for an outlet to express. If you have similarities or have advice go ahead and share. Well, just read the topic, you get the idea of what I'm trying to say. I've always been that weird, shy, introvert guy, and it never helps that I'm overweight/obese. It's something I am working on, I'm transitioning to vegetarianism, and I've lost about 15 pounds. Its not so much the weight stopped me, it had to be a combination of everything; having been all of those characteristics and having to go through physical discrimination.

    I never really sought out a relationship through my entire life. I had crushes and all that, or still do, but never acted on it. Around 8th grade though I took a really backwards approach to sexuality. I started getting very interested in Catholicism and had even gotten to the point of wanting to be a catholic priest. I complain about this sometimes, but it shifted my morality from being a shy, fat kid into someone who outright avoided women. Why be around girls when I want to not be tempted into the idea of a relationship. We could get all deep in that, but that is the way I thought my senior year of high school.

    To make this short so people will read it, just read the title of the thread. I blush, I'm shy, I have zero confidence, and even as a college guy I experience crushes like I'm in 7th grade. idk, its nice just to organize thoughts, but if anyone has any opinions or has advice please share. I'd like to not kill myself transitioning my current state into one that is more mature. I'm not wanting to go and be a party boy or have casual sex. That doesn't fit into my personality or belief system. I'm not trying to change who I am fundamentally. I'm just trying to improve myself, and be the best that I can be.
     
  2. #2 Spaced, Mar 27, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2012
    It's easier said than done, but the less you act like you "like" or want a girl, the more she will talk to you.

    May I ask a personal question? If so.. are you a virgin?

    If this is the case, get drunk and go out and fuck whoever. Your first time will be awesome for you, but terrible for the girl.

    Let go of your ambitions, as love will find you some day
     
  3. Your not alone brotha.

    19yr old virgin here.

    Had a 2 GF's in HS, and after the second (Sophmore year)

    I decided to move women from the top of my priority list. To the bottom.

    I didnt ignore em. Didnt do anything like that. Just simply.

    You say sex. I say smoke a bowl?

    I actually knew this guy.. who My being a Virgin was his lifes mission to solve.

    Seriously. Dude gave me so much shit at so many parties. I would shoot bck of course.. few STD jokes here and there.. eventually though it got so persistent that i had to tell him.. im like.. bro..

    I dont come to these parties to have sex. I party to play Beer Pong and Socialize with friends you fuck head.

    He never gave up. Til the dick egged my car and i never spoke to him again. Fuck head couldnt hold his alcohol.
     
  4. You have to be happy with who you are most of all, accept yourself, find who you truly are, find a few friends that push you out of your box, workout if your feeling a self conscience, also you don't hve to become a party boy but go out maybe 1 every two weeks to a party and go try and socialize but also just be yourself very important, don't know why people act fake.
     

  5. Yes I am. Never kissed either, or had a meaningful relationship. Never really had a somewhat close female friend either.
     
  6. Losing the weight will give you confidence my friend, trust me. It comes with the territory, the more progress you make the better you will see yourself naturally. Gotta love you before you can let anyone else love you anyway, don't want to get in a relationship where you're treated like dirt, feel worthless and taken advantage of. Keep doing what you're doing and the rest will fall into place. Be organic. :smoking:
     
  7. it is all in your head. ya just have to kinda see the world for what it is and live it the way you want to. now if you think about being shy, youre going to be shy, but if you want to open up to people, do it!! it is your life and your choice. you only get one life to live.

    no one can do this for you. some understand this faster than others.

    ps. dont let your weight get you down, big chicks need love too.
    oh yeah and...............

    HAVE CONFIDENCE sheesh
     
  8. #8 BuRnTrEeS247, Mar 27, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2012
    Get on a cycle of roids one time or some pro hormones.. one cycle..why not buy a hooker or "escorts" lol.

    Losing weight helps I was 365 in hs as a freshman senior dropped down to 225 in 1 year haha hard but worth it gotta dray focus and don't look at as a diet look as it as a new way of living for you.
     
  9. #9 Mogwai, Mar 27, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2012
    Hm.. my advice might be a bit shady because you're a virgin, and I understand the whole "saving first time for somebody special". Honestly, that probably is the best way to go. But that can take people time and be frustrating, and I'm guessing if you didn't "save yourself" you wouldn't be devastated with regret later in life.

    You mentioned not being into the idea of casual sex, which I understand because I'm not too big into it myself. I used to be however, and I think it's something that if you fuck with for a little bit of time it helps stuff a lot. My advice would be to go to the parties and get drunk and get the drunk casual sex. Don't worry about your weight or anything man, if you're confident you 100% can do it.

    The casual sex can open you up to girls and make you feel more comfortable/confident. It will also probably show you first hand that sex isn't really all that special. I mean, it is in ways when in a serious relationship.. but on it's own it's just a so-so thing you do. It has it's ups and downs and it's not what certain people make it out to be. But yeah like I said, it'll definitely boost confidence, which is key for further development in all this shit.

    Casual sex can lead to nice stuff too though, and I guess it deserves credit for that. I remember I was at a small party one time and drunk as fuck with other people drunk as fuck. There was some girl there who I just ended up talking to for most of the night unintentionally and we ended up playing that casual game. I didn't even know her before that night, and if we hadn't done that I probably wouldn't have even bothered talking to her in the future. Since we did that though we talked more later and it ended up developing into the most serious relationship I've had so far. That's the only time that has happened to me, but I don't think it's terribly rare because there have been other girls I've had similar stuff happen with who later expressed a more defined interest in me, but I just wasn't interested in a relationship. Had I been though it could have turned into that all over again.

    Sex isn't just something reserved for people in meaningful relationships.. it can be a pretty good way to start a relationship too. Of course it can turn into hurt feelings for somebody if the other doesn't have feelings in return I suppose, but I've never experienced that myself so I can't say what it's like...

    I dunno how much you weigh but from how you've worded things I don't take it you're morbidly obese or anything. If you're just a little bit overweight it's not a problem. Big guys get action all the time. A few girls might be turned away by it, but plenty wont give a fuck. I wouldn't get in a mindset where I'm telling myself "Okay, I'll lose weight THEN I'll go for it". Don't put if off if you don't have to, just deal with the problem as soon as you can. Putting it off will likely make it harder even if you lose weight in the meantime. I think, I don't know for sure though...
     
  10. Keep working out and eating right. Thatll definitely be a big confidence booster.

    Id say jusy talk to everyone too, even girls you arent interested in hooking up with. It just sounds like you need a few female friends in your life, once you have those everything will work out dude.
     

  11. Just keep working on yourself, women will come later. Watch what you eat, start working out regularly, and be active in things you are interested in. Try and set some easy goals for yourself and make sure they get done. Crushes are normal, people of all ages get them.

    Discipline will bring confidence, it will just take time..and you're young so you have time!

    Goodluck.
     
  12. I understand what your going through..even though I had sex before numerous times I feel like I can't actually commit to one person. Kinda because how you feel i'm shy, and don't wanna feel vulnerable.

    What I have been doing lately is just looking within in myself and try to find where these feelings of inferiority come from and it has helped..so try that see if it works for you. :cool:
     
  13. Yeah I finally got tired of being a virgin and hit up one of two chicks that had been DTF for a while. On the second "date" with the chick I fucked her. It was pretty bad, I nutted in my pants then couldnt get it up again. Finally I got it up enough to stick it in and rammed her with my half flacid dick for like 20 minutes straight. I coulda gone on forever but it was getting really late and she had to bounce.

    I mean it wasn't a disaster, but it was quite a dilemma and i'm glad it wasnt with some chick I really liked.

    But the diamond in the turd is that I got her off on my non-impressive sorta erect dick. Was a proud day for me and my friends with average penises when I came back to earth with the knowladge that you have to have a REALLY small dick to not get a girl off.

    Anyway, just bang some chick man. I know a kid who's like you and says shit like they want a really classy, wifey-matierial girl. Fuck that. He's gonna finally meet that chick and he's gonna cum in 3 seconds and he's gonna feel like shit till next time.

    Go bang someone easy. People who say "oh i'm waiting for the right girl" need to look inside themselves and see if they really just fear failure and rejection. Don't be picky.
     
  14. Def workout bro. It makes you feel great. I weigh 173 +- a few, and am 6'2" so im a pretty tall, and skinny fellow. I go to that gym with all those jacked mates and I just do my thing. Puff your chest out and just realize you, and everyone you know is special in a different way. Put yourself out there and show them who is baoss. Being fit helps grab that attention, but I know plenty of chicks who also care about who they are as a person. Like errry'body said, work on your weight, workout, eat healthy, and do not be afraid to pursue a few special ladies/lady friends in the meantime.

    GL to ya blade.

    edit-above mates got some good stuff too.
     
  15. #15 Cottonmouth 85, Mar 27, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2012
    What I'm going to tell you might seem kinda mean, but I'm not trying to be mean, I just want to express something truthful.

    A lot of guys think they can be with any girl. Especially guys who have never been with any for some reason. I remember my friend Greg was a great guy but super nerdy. Like Urkel nerdy.

    He'd always be telling me. "I think I'm going to date a gymnast. I'm really into flexible chicks. lol." And I'd tell him. "Greg, how about you focus on just getting A chick?" Then he'd get mad at me like I was putting him down. Which I guess I was. But I was also being real with him.

    At his work they had this nerdy girl who was all over him. And he didn't want anything to do with her.


    Which brings me to my point. You won't have a problem finding a girl if you just accept that the girls you are going to get are also going to be chubby, shy, and a bit repressed. The good news is they are SUPER easy to get. The m/f paradigm means you really have to approach the women, not the other way around usually. And those girls don't get tons of attention. They will be super excited that you are giving them attention. Its not going to be as hard as you think unless for some misguided reason you think you are going to get a girl with tan lines, a navel ring, and perky C cup titties.

    Just play the hand that life dealt you and you will be fine. Don't go after the girl dancing on the table top. Go chat up the chubby wall flower who looks like she isn't sure what she is doing there and try to make her feel comfortable. You'll probably have a girl friend that night.
     
  16. #16 BlazeLE, Mar 27, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 27, 2012
    my problem is i cant see why any female would be interested in me... im pretty much in the same situation as OP. and i hate parties so i avoid them like the plague. im waiting to get some weed so i can start exercising. ride a bike? fuck that. ride a bike stoned in the park puffin on a j? yes please.
     
  17. You don't have to see it.. only they do. There's a ton of qualities about yourself that you're probably not entirely aware of. It's hard to see yourself the same way other people do.. it might even be impossible, I don't know.

    And with how many girls are out there, if you can't see why any would be at all interested, then you're just suffering from low self esteem... so your perception of yourself is skewed to the point that you could have a ton of interesting qualities and you'd never notice.
     

  18. she faked it dude. lol :rolleyes:
     

  19. The only thing you have to realize is that girls feel that why times ten. Many pretty girls have low self esteem and ones that are average looking and a bit chubby are often EXTREMELY self conscious. Like if you look at them and smile they will avert their eyes. They look in the mirror and can't imagine a guy thinking they are pretty.

    A few weeks ago I was walking home from a bar when I passed 3 chubby girls. The younger blonde one starts saying "Hi! Whats your..." when her friend interjects "No!" and puts her hand out like she was stepping in front of a bus. Like off the bat her first reaction was to think I'd go "As if you fat bitch!"

    That is the level of low self esteem many of those girls have. If you man up and smile, force yourself to go talk to them it will work out quite naturally. They will want the attention and you will want the affection. That is how it goes.
     
  20. I used to be the same way man.. well maybe to a lesser extent. Anyways, you just have to nut up. You have to not a give a fuck about the end result.

    It's all about confidence. You will never get any girls if you continue to be shy and timid. Project your apathy, show your confidence through your body language. If you need to you should delude yourself into thinking you are the shit. Confidence really is key, and ANYONE can possess it.



    And remember, you can have confidence and NOT be an asshole at the same time.
     
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