let me start by saying. i feel like a piece of shit for this leaving my mind, and i am too embarrassed to talk to a friend about this. embarrassed because it isnt something that should come out of my mouth. im going to try not to sugar coat this in anyway because it defers the point im trying to make, but it is still very hard to type my feelings. My mom is not very smart at all. AT ALL. it pisses me off so much. you have no idea. i have 0 Patience for ignorance. i have wanted to write this a few times, but i couldnt bring myself to it. what really set me off was a car ride today. i was bringing my mom to this place where she can register to be a cna. one of my friend suggested this place down the road to her. *a bit of a side story, my mom has met 3 of my friends that dont live in my neighborhood* well his name is howie. she has spoken with him many times.. he even ate dinner with us one time. she keeps mixing his name up. now.. this isnt a big deal. ALTHOUGH IT IS FUCKING ANNOYING BECAUSE I HAVE TOLD HER A MILLION FUCKING TIMES. so on the car ride over, she confuses his name once again. i correct her and we have a whole conversation about it. i was pretty ticked... LATER ON IN THE SAME FUCKING CAR RIDE SHE MIXES THEIR FUCKING NAMES UP AGAIN!!!. so again. pretty annoyed. i correct her.... when we get to the cna place and they sit down, the lady who works there asks where we heard of the facilities. and she says "my friends son", AND THEN CONFUSES THE FUCKING NAME AGAIN!!! at this time i leave the building very annoyed. on the way home she made a comment how the lady diddnt know the kid who referred her...... i told her "thats because you got the name wrong". she replies, "oh, i thought it was so and so". i said, "no, and we had two separate conversations on the way over here discussing this....." and she says "i know... no wonder the lady diddnt know who the hell i was talking about". and me like an idiot, had to make a smart ass comment by saying. "thats because you dont know what the hell you're talking about." that made her upset and brought tears to her eyes. now i feel bad. but the fact that she started crying made me pissed for the first time today. i bring this story up because it is reflective of her whole entire life. this put me over the edge and made me type this. all my fucking mom does is smoke weed and watch tv. she collects unemployment, and doesnt do shit except clean and sometimes cook. she never leaves the house, and the she bitches about being inside all day. she doesnt like to drive and never wants to go to the fucking store to do anything. even though it is right down the road. we moved down to florida in 2004 and she has one friend since moving here. who is her piano teacher. my dad has one friend as well and watches tv 24/7 and tons of political radio/ tv. he does absolutely nothing, collects disablitliy and throws the dishes in the dishwasher. my dad doesnt smoke weed, which is a good thing but he is naturally smart, so his brain ha sent been completely turned to shit because of his lifestyle. it is definitely getting there though. i am fucking tired of it man. my parents need to fucking educate themselves an use their brain. no matter how much i try to tell my dad (i even straight up tell him that) he doesnt give a fuck. he is too fucking lazy and weak minded to change his piss poor habits. how do i get them to do this? tv destroys minds. the american lifestyle destroys minds. prescription drugs destroy minds. the amount of times my mom tells me "i dont know how" or "i tried my best" makes me want to fucking rage. its my mom and dad. i love them. i appreciate everything they have ever done for me, and still continue to do. this is the woman that gave birth to me, that used to tie my shoes, wake me up for school and give me the world. it hurts me to say this but the shit that comes out of her mouth is so idiotic that she cant make new friends. she finds the wrong thing to say.....everytime she tries to hang out with me she finds the wrong things to say and it makes me leave the room. the television needs to get thrown out the fuckin window. we spent 3 grand on a tv in 2005. about 500 dollars to try and repair that tv a year ago. and now my dad wants to buy a new fucking tv with his tax return money. SOMEBODY FUCKING HELP ME AND GIVE ME SOME ADVIC E. RECOMMEND ME A FUCKING BOOK OR SOMETHING
Didn't read it all but you sound like a 10 year old baby back bitch. Mad because your mom mixes names up? Grow the shit up, dude. You want your parents to do well but you screaming at them all the time isn't going to do shit. *Just finished reading* Hrm, that ^ still stands, but I do partially understand your frustration. I don't think I could ever talk about my mom the way you do, though; regardless of what 'dumb' shit she may have done. EDIT: Sounds like you still live with her. If you do.... you got some fucking nerve.
I find it hard to believe they're inherently that lazy- maybe they're depressed man. Don't get mad at your parents, try to show some compassion and speak to them about the lifestyle they're living calmly. Express to them that it bothers you how they aren't doing anything aside from being hermits. Try and organize some activity for you lot to do outside of the house. Go to the beach or something together idk
Yeah man if you are going to express to them you have an issue AT ALL, don't do it by yelling; talk to them like people ('Cause ya know, they are).
Hmm.. I don't know man. Some people are genuinely bad with remembering names... Is she a forgetful person, or is it just with names? I must say, it is pretty petty of you to get angered at her for such a thing, but I do understand where you're coming from.. I've had friends who've mixed my name up, although, I don't take offense to it, shit happens. As for getting her to be motivated in seeking knowledge.. Maybe you should spend some time with her... Find out what kind of things she's interested in. Then maybe do some research in that subject and educate her about it and see if she gains some motivation to be more knowledgeable in that area.
Throwing the television out the windo would be a good start...lol. Dude, I feel you, a few years ago i was living with my grandma, who was slowly slipping into dimensia at the time. I took care of her, and did almost everything. Were talkin driving her places, shopping for her, cleaning house, yardwork, etc. (thank god she still was an excellent cook, and still hasnt forgot any of her recipies, she still holds it down in the kitchen even though shes bat shit crazy now, lol) Sometimes you have to take care of people who cant do it themselves. It shows your true character in how you deal with this situation. Maybe sit down and have an adult conversation with them about how you feel? It sounds like youre the only one in youre household fit to start such a convo imo...tell them youre concerned about them and you love them and want to see them do better... Good luck op, hopefully I was somewhat helpful.
thanks man, i am interested in hearing more responses like this. i do agree that they may be depressed, but they dont do anything to try and help themselves. they have both been unemployeed for years. my dad just had a 6 month stint at an IT job and as soon as he got laid off again. he goes back to his same old habbits, watching tv 24/7 trying to justify it. its just a never ending cycle man. they have no goals, no reasons to get up in the morning. i am the only thing that keeps their life going. when i move out there lives are going to be completely shattered. ive sat down with them and had them listen to my favorite speech about success and the relation to goals, but they just dont give a fuck. it makes me so frustrated. it seems like nothing i do can help. i've tried trust me. my parents lead shit lives and my mom doesnt get treated the best. she needs to leave my dad but she cant survive on her own. she has nothing. she has never really worked in her whole life. she is too dependant on my dad, who is dependant on the government. who bitches about people who are dependant on the government. (but of coures he's different because he is disabled.. and a hundred pounds over weight.. that doesnt give a fuck and falls asleep with food in his hand. justifies eating ice cream and candy RRRRRRRRRR) i know for a fact my mom thinks her life sucks. my dad is too brainwashed by television to even reflect on his life. it would scare the shit out of him, and then he would hide behind the tv again for comfort.
I think I have the same problem, I mean, the amount of times I've told my mother to fuck off and stop being a pissed-off old skank and she hasn't done it... Dude, your parents are allowed to fuck themselves up, it's their reward for keeping you alive for long enough for you to notice they're doing it. You win independence.
Okay, even if they are lazy, they are your parents. If I was you, I would be trying to make them less lazy, more active, try to get them out of the house too.... one of the reasons being it's just good for their physical and mental health to get out of the house once in awhile and have a social life. That being said.... if you can't help your parents you shouldn't hate on them for it. You can be annoyed by their behaviors, maybed even irritated, even hate their actions... but dont hate your parents just because they are a little ( or a lot lazy ) and not the brightest bulbs in the box. If the worst thing your parents did to you was being lazy and a little stupid? Well that's not too bad. If they treated you right and loved you and cared about you your whole life, then it shouldn't matter how they act. You and them are all adults. They can live their lives how they want and you can live yours how you want. It doesn't mean you have to like or even understand the way they act.
"i do agree that they may be depressed, but they dont do anything to try and help themselves." Some people don't realize THEY, the individual, have to be the ones to help themselves, not anyone else. Or perhaps they realize this and lack the motivation to change anything (more like clinical depression.) It sucks that you're just a kid and you have to try and motivate your own parents to set goals, but if you want to see them change I have a feeling you're going to have to go above and beyond giving them a speech. You may have to figure out their interests and try to further them, as someone previously said. It doesn't sound like they exactly have the opportunity to go back to school and pursue any career they would like, so whatever their interests may be it would just have to be a hobby- I'm not sure how you would motivate them to get a job. Convince them it's better to be self-sustaining maybe, and actually bring them job apps and fill some out with them. If you don't want to do the aforementioned, then I don't know what to tell you man. Either try and help them constructively and more than likely actively, or overcome the hostility you feel towards them and watch them plummet into lethargy, apathy, and sadness.
TV is like crack to anyone over 35. It's what they do. Real bosses don't even have TV... Lol Netflix all da way
You seem like an intelligent individual who has a good grasp on life and a clear set of priorities. Due to your living situation, it also sounds like your position in the family unit has become reversed; you are taking on the role of a parent. You have every right to feel aggravated, but I feel that the aggravation is being compounded by a growing amount of stress. You must wonder where your parents would be if you were to leave the family, move on with your life, go away to school, etc. As much as you love them, their lack of responsibility and limited independence is limiting your life choices. You may think it is selfish to have these thoughts, but you need to know; you are not selfish. This is a clearly unfortunate situation for all involved, but perhaps for you most of all. I suggest you attempt to start ‘re-training' your parents for independent living, such as by taking them to the store with you for grocery shopping. Present your mother with the store flyers and ask her to clip coupons for anything she needs. Remind your parents, compassionately, that you are getting older and you will move out some day. Never use this as a threat or in anger -- simply as a statement of fact that they will have to acknowledge and accept. While you are doing this, set some future goals for yourself and work towards them. Perhaps now is a good time to start planning for a better job, or to consider your future education. Sit down and find some courses you can take, or better employment you can get. When your parents see you actively moving on with your life, in the healthy/normal way that people your age should, they may just surprise you by becoming reassuming a more parental role. IMO, the best thing you can do is get outside and simply move forward, one step at a time. That is the nature of life, and you are living it. The obstacles we face shape us; the paths we choose make us; and the lessons we pick up along the way define us. In the end that's all we are and all we have. So how will you face this challenge? What will be the next step that you take? Peace.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. fuck man, my mom doesnt even have any interests. my parents used to not be like this. they used to go out and party all the time when they were younger. not to say that is a good way of living, but just to show you how their lives took a complete 180. my dad tries to tell me that they diddnt watch tv when they were younger either. now that they are older is just a way to relax..... FUCK
If you didn't even read his post, then you shouldn't respond to the thread. You're in an unfortunate situation, and its rational for you to get angry. I think one of the above posters said it well, that its an accumulation of all the stress and anger thats built up and you're finally speaking out. That's good. Most parents have jobs, or the dad has the job and the mom stays at home. The parents take care of themselves and don't sit on their asses all day, they work and provide. It seems like your parents do neither. It's a lack of working, its causing them to be lazy. If they're legitimately "disabled" then it's ok for them to get the disability money, but if they're just being lazy then that reflects what personalities they have, or what their personalities have become. Maybe they used to work hard and just decided to have the government give them money, and that isn't good. What do you do? In a situation like this, its hard to just make your parents get up and be motivated. I think one of the ways you can get them motivated is to tell them you've had enough. Tell them you don't feel like they love you, tell them they can't love you if they can't love themselves. They aren't taking care of their home or themselves, so they don't love themselves. You need to get out on your own and leave them, thats the only chance you have of making them motivated enough to get their shit together. Say "Mom and Dad, you've been living like this for too long. Look at yourselves, look at our home. All you do is watch TV, you don't do anything around the house, you never go out, and you act like the world is so difficult and hard when you haven't worked in years. You obviously don't love yourselves, so its impossible for you to love me. Maybe some day you'll see what kind of shitty mess you're in, until then I'm leaving and I don't want to hear from you until you get your act together. You're supposed to be my parents, you're supposed to be the ones motivating me and helping me, but you can't even help yourselves. You think a son wants to live in this kind of a mess? I need to live on my own, but I wouldn't mind living with you a little longer, but it isn't possible when you're in this state of mind. I love you guys, but you've let yourselves go, you've let our home go to shit. I hope one day you'll see how bad of a spot you were once in, and I hope you can quit your bad habits and learn to take care of yourselves. Until you do that, until you can show me you're able to take care of yourselves and this home instead of sitting on your asses all day, I don't want to hear from you again. This is the only way I know that will hopefully help you before you put yourselves into an early grave." Most people here probably aren't going to understand, and are going to call you some whiny bitch or crybaby, but they obviously don't understand what its like to have parents who don't have the motivation to take care of themselves and their home. Your parents are lacking integrity and motivation, and thats sad. I feel for you. The only thing you can do is tell them you don't like how they've let themselves go, and say you're leaving and don't want to speak to them until they get some integrity and work in order to get things they want. Your Mom has a bad memory, she probably isn't all that dumb, but sitting around all day getting high will definitely cause some people to be unmotivated, and it will cause people to have memory problems. At least she has SOME emotion, at least she gets upset when you get angry with her, so maybe when you tell them you're leaving they'll change.
Cold Beahs, I applaud you for taking the time to rant on GC. It's actually a great start for your mental health. The advice you received from Gaiaguy is right on. Also, counties and cities offer free counseling that might help all three of you. Take that next step. Good luck.