I am ill

Discussion in 'Real Life Stories' started by HiImHans, Nov 30, 2011.

  1. Okay. I don't know what to do now.

    Here's the deal. There's nothing "serious" that's actually happening to my life. Yea sure, I get intO trouble everynow and then, I get really fucked on trees and powder but motherfuck, I feel like my life is fucking empty. It's like, there is happiness but theres like this silhouette of thorns ravaging in my head. I keep thinking that I'm a burden to this world. I feel like I should just perish and all the universe and heavens would smile as I drift away. I keep thinking that one day, my name, my life and my thoughts would all be gone.Nothing. No trace. That I'll soon be devoured and forgotten in oblivion. Even if I have most of what I wanted. There's is nothing.
    What if I WAS a burden to this world? Wouldn't I be doing it a favor if I just disappeared? To vanish into the oblivions. To lie in eternal silence. Sure, they'll sing requiems but I am nothing.Maybe I really should end my stupid life? One day no one will think of me. My thoughts. My deeds. It's all so dark. So tempting. So beautiful
     
  2. I just felt like writing the shit in my head. Sorry
     
  3. dude chill man. Focus on some goals in life. How old are you and what is your current situation? By "powder" I assume you mean coke, but I have no idea because I don't do other drugs.

    Man..just dream. Dream a dream and if you end up nowhere close at least you had that dream. Get a decent apartment, get a decent car and some friends. Find a job you enjoy and the pieces will fall into place for you. Hell find a girl. Cant find one? Lower your standards and find someone who will love you for you.

    I hate my life dude. I feel the same way most of the time, but I have hopes and dreams that I want to achieve. That's what gets me up in the morning. Even if I never achieve those goals..well damnit I fucking tried. Thats all you can do man, try.
     
  4. I do have dreams man. My life is steady too. I'm just really damaged. Someone once told me that I was just a burden to this world. That I'm doin fine but everyone else would be better off without me. I guess that motherfucker got in my head.. But thank you. For your kind words..
     
  5. I don't hate my life. Even if it's broken, shattered, you could still see the reflections. It's just that even if I already do belong to this world, and people accept me, it's still so wrong for me.


    Maybe I don't accept myself. But those are just my thoughts. They aren't worth much but I figured Id write some out for a change. I figured my wounds would bleed more if I kept it in. That my grudges would just increase. And my mind, rot more, all because of my heads decease
     
  6. Hey man I use this website to express my frustrations and to get insight into many parts of my personal life. I feel uncomfortable in my own skin and I don't know if I ever will feel natural. Even walking down the street with someone coming towards me I sometimes freak out inside my mind because I don't know how act. Its crazy man, but so is life. Fuck people who put you down. Fuck them all. Hell even if you are a bad person (I'm not saying you are). Use the hatred other people have for you and channel it into something positive.

    Fuck some shit up and change some peoples minds. Do good things and great shit will happen man. Thats not just my words thats fact bro. We'll get there man, and even if we don't...we did shit man...we did shit.
     




  7. I'm not a bad person. I fucking swear. Ive done my best to make every Fucking ones boat float but what do I get? Shit. Everyone hates me for being a stoner. People look down on me for smoking weed. I'm not addicted. It's jut my thing. Ever since I was 14 I always put this scene in my head. Me allgrown up sitting on the grand piano at my moms. Sipping my drink with a blunt on the other hand, Playing jazz pieces that just warm my heart. And noe that it's happened, what dies everyone see? A drunk addict playing piano. Everyone's just so fucking strict and judgmental. Fuck all the haters..
     
  8. I'm not even sure what the fuck your talking about to be fair?

    If that was your attempt at poetry or some kind of heartfelt freestyle rap it was whack.

    Man the fuck up. You have first world problems.
     
  9. Sir,

    I don't know what powder you refer to, but if it's white and you partake weekly that could have a huge impact on your mental state of being.

    I for one can't do the white. It uses all the serotonin which is the chemical released by your brain that tells your body I like my self and feel good. Leaving you with just
    Melatonin the chemical that tells your body I'm depressed and worthless.

    I don't like that and that could be a problem if your using and you hate yourself after. Stick to trees only and beer.
     
  10. Uhmmm uhh im not some coke fiend dude. I know my drugs. I don't do it too often. And yeah it does deplete ur sera.. But it doesn't do it as much as E does I guess..
     


  11. Uhmm. That whole thing was in the notes thing on my itouch. It's been there for a while. I was having suicidal thoughts . Then this kid gave me shrooms. So I was feeling all hippie shit. I just felt like posting it. Cos I do what I feel. I feel what I do. Or am I just high?
     
  12. [​IMG]

    Get it? No coke?
     
  13. Who gives a fuck, live ur life, you don't owe nobody shit and ur not a burden on this world, why? Because ur 1 outta 9,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 people on this fucking world, on 1 of 9 plants in our system, outta 8,000,000,000,000....+ planets in this universe.
    You are insignificant and not even noticed in comparison to everyone else , so NO you are NOT a burden.

    Now go find happiness my friend and fuck all else
     

  14. See? Why is it such a bad thing if I dot even do it that much?

    Why are people so judgmental when it comes to that?!

    I'm not some coke fiend. I'm just a regular stoner tryna flow with the fucking flow..
     
  15. everyone needs to stop talking about other drugs on here...

    but back to the point. OP you seem just...depressed. has a doctor ever prescribed you anti-depressants? i used to be on em but just stopped. didn't see the point and had minimal if any side effects of just stopping but i guess it helped?

    i just work on my music (both metal and hip hop) when i feel down. find a hobby, something that takes your mind off things that make you think like this, even if its a temporary relief, everyone needs it. if you don't you will only think of what's wrong more and more.

    wishing you luck. hope you kick this "burden to the world" feeling soon because it is not a healthy way to live
     


  16. Not that it's wrong or anything, I bet you're a really loud, happygolucky funny stoner. Hahahaha pretty cool facts dude..
     

  17. Because obviously you can't handle it.
     
  18. [quote name='"Tomber"']

    Because obviously you can't handle it.[/quote]

    Lol dude. Really. I think I know how to handle my drugs. And seriously. I just posted this cos I wanted to share my thoughts. This was when I was having suicidal thoughts. But I'm still alive aren't I?

    Seriously. People don't like it when you tell them they can't handle their shit.

    And I don't even do that shit that much. ..
     
  19. [quote name='"HiImHans"']

    See? Why is it such a bad thing if I dot even do it that much?

    Why are people so judgmental when it comes to that?!

    I'm not some coke fiend. I'm just a regular stoner tryna flow with the fucking flow..[/quote]
    I'm not judging trust me. I stick to green cause it's awesome. Plenty of experimenting on my end, and from personal experience stay away from stuff that leaves you depressed. Best wishes.

    [quote name='"THCandroid"']everyone needs to stop talking about other drugs on here...


    wishing you luck. hope you kick this "burden to the world" feeling soon because it is not a healthy way to live[/quote]

    True. Just trying to offer advice on a personal level. Seems as if some one needs it.

    I too play music and the drums will help you get some frustrations out.
     
  20. [quote name='"CoRBeaR"']
    I'm not judging trust me. I stick to green cause it's awesome. Plenty of experimenting on my end, and from personal experience stay away from stuff that leaves you depressed. Best wishes.

    True. Just trying to offer advice on a personal level. Seems as if some one needs it.

    I too play music and the drums will help you get some frustrations out.[/quote]

    Respect. Appreciate the words dude. Really
     

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