I've never really been in many serious relationships, some of that being because my views on sex and the like are very different than most peoples and not many share my views. I've finally found someone that I know for certain I want to spend the rest of my life with, she's my everything, etc. All that cliche shit. Having sex with her is completely different than any feelings I could ever feel while having sex with anyone else. That being said, tonight I was extremely drunk and kind of got out of hand.. Thus, my views and her views kind of clashed. My views being: Having sex with someone for pure pleasure is okay, I feel as if it's just mutual masturbation. Casual sex, no feelings attached. <-- now that's all good and dandy, but what makes it different than others' is that I still believe that while in a relationship with someone Im in love with. Im not the jealous type at all. Idk, it's hard to explain. Im just really open and I don't find the way I have sex with her the same as the way I have sex with other people. I just find with other people it's pure pleasure.. With someone helping me masturbate, so to say. Sex just feels good, sometimes it's for fun. It doesn't mean anything to me with others. That was a terrible explanation of my views, but Im still slightly drunk and don't really care. Main point is I was at a friend's party drunk as a motherfucker and kind of fooled around with a chick I know. I obviously didn't mean anything by it, but it really upset her and for obvious, warranted reasons. I made her cry and honsetly I would (want to) beat the shit out of anyone who ever hurt her.. Knowing IM the one who hurt her, fuck.. Im feeling so goddamn down right now. I don't feel like I deserve her, I don't feel like she deserves what I've done at all, and I just feel like a complete asshole. Im contemplating whether Im a sex addict or not and have been contemplating since before now. I don't think I really count as a sex addict, that and it's no excuse, but either way I have a problem. What would you do if you were in my girlfriends situation? Also, what would you do if you were in my situation? I need advice, a reality check, anything. Does anyone sort of relate to my views and/or situation? Ahh.. I feel like such a fucking ass. /Stupidwhinyemopost done.
db...you know i dig you loads but since you asked for a check: try - really try - to curb yourself when drunk...you probably wouldnt have put yourself in this position if you werent wasted.....my .02
Ah, Since. I whole-heatedly agree with your always-wise advice. I know for a fact this never would have happened sober. I keep telling myself Im not gonna drink anymore because of this, but this is the second time it's happened and I have NO idea why I keep doing it knowing it will happen again. Fuckkk. Much self-loathing right now.
seems that plan isnt working tho....i still think your best bet is to try to control yourself when drunk....and yeah, you might fail but you should at least give it a really good shot imo.... good to see you around nonetheless
Sorry, but if you "love" someone then you cheat on them, especially just for one night of pleasure, you're garbage and do not deserve her.
It's a bit more complicated than that, but yes I agree and realize this. Im known for self-destructive behavior though, and Im thinking some of it has to do with the fact that I have such low self-esteem and have never thought myself good enough for her. That, and Im afraid of how serious our relationship is getting. I already told her I don't deserve her and that she should break up with me, but she just cried and said "that's unfair" and said she can't. Yes, I am garbage.
I don't think you're crazy at all, there's a world of difference between making love and just plain fucking. That being said, when you're in a relationship it's more based on a level of respect more than anything else. Is you're gal insecure with herself, in any way?
I think the fact that you completely realize that you fucked up helps, also the fact that she knows how you feel about casual sex. If she is the person you're meant to spend your life with, she will forgive you eventually. If not, you will probably be an emotional wreck for a while, but you will eventually move on and feel the same about someone else...one day. I can relate, sort of. I didn't cheat, as we weren't technically dating, but I still felt like a piece of shit. Eventually, he got over it and so did I, and I'm completely infatuated with my current boyfriend and would never ever hurt him like that. My ex and I weren't meant to be together and I learned from my mistake. Life lessons m'lady. Hope you feel better.
i don't get it, you made a mistake, doesn't make you an asshole unless you did it to hurt her purposelly.
How would you feel if one of your buds fucking railed your woman then blew his load all over her face as she begged for his cum? She only did it for pleasure. There were no feelings attached. Would you be cool with that?
You can still view sex as something casual. But, when you're in a relationship, making yourself exclusive to one person is a physical display of devotion to your partner. It's not about just being loyal or committed, it's about showing that you actually love someone. You love that person so much that you're willing to give yourself completely to him or her. So, despite your true feelings, when you cheated on her, you withdrew some of that love. There was no longer a complete offering of yourself. That's why she cried.
In her shoes, I would move into friends zone with you. Maybe mess around, but I wouldn't put my feelings on you. It doesn't always matter what your views are, but that you care enough about her to respect hers and why she has them and not hurt her/make her cry. It wasn't just a mistake, it's something that seems to be possible to happen over and over again. The simple truth is that we release chemicals during orgasm that we associate with love. Especially as a girl, I would say I would be more worried about her falling for someone else on your "screw anyone you want without feelings" policy. Would you still not be jealous if she was having sex with someone else the way she does with you?
Yeah that's fucked up with what you did. I agree with casual sex but I wouldn't do it if I had a genuine girlfriend.
As your girlfriend I would dump your ass right now. As you. You should feel like an asshole because you were one(Sometimes when you go fishing...). No your no sex addict there is nothing wrong you found the perfect woman but one flaw, She has different views on sex and sadly that is a VERY big part in a relationship. If you can't agree I do not think things can work out. But I am no expert on love. But I think you got to find someone else who is into the swinging lifestyle. I do not care about sex what so ever which is odd for a man. But I still do not want my woman with another cock inside her because I know on some level of her brain she is comparing us weather she knows it or not.
You do realize that OP isn't a guy in the first place, right? The bolded part is selfish, you expect a girl to not have sex with other people, but you couldn't careless about having sex with her? I mean, come on. DB, you're no an asshole, you made a mistake and you truly regret it. Now the problem is, can you deal with a monogamous relationship or do you need an open relationship? If you can't just be with one person then you need to break it off before you both get hurt more.
I was a little confused reading I am thinking "Straight girl, Lesbian, Gay, Straight man, Now back to lesbian lol. Don't matter either way. Well I do not plan on ever having a partner so I guess my views can be silly. I do not mean I do not put effort into sex, Since I do not care 100% of my effort is on her pleasure. I could not care less if she does not feel like it or I do not get it is what I meant but I do enjoy the feeling just there are better feelings in life than blowing a load. Once again it is just a question of personality, Maybe I am just me maybe I am sub conciouslly insecure. Who knows. But you need to accept some people are not into that sort of thing. Also remember I said feel like an asshole it was an asshole move. The OP is not an asshole in general. He made a mistake shit happens.