Firstly, I'll start off by saying that while this IS my first post, I'v been lurking as a guest here for quite a while; I'm just more of an "observer" than a "doer", if you catch my drift. Secondly, I'd like to note that I'm what you may call "a newbie/apprentice toker", however, the reason i chose not to place my post there is because of the nature of my question (if the admins believe this is improperly placed i would be grateful if they moved it) Lastly, I believe it's important I mention that I'm *what I call* psychic. It's self taught psychic power though, and it's nothing very powerful. I call it tapping the Nexus (the energetic inter-connectivity between all of creation) I can simply sense energies better than most, allowing me to: locate things i otherwise wouldn't be able to by following their energies (lost keys never a problem ), sensing people's emotions and life events without any communication, foresee event's outcome by *feeling* what might happen (a very refined guy feeling), etc. I also assume that you have a basic background in things like meditation, energy-work, chakras, etc. Moving on. I'm going to elaborate on the events and experiences that occurred to me, which lead to my belief that marijuana causes me to enter a trance like state: For several months i have used marijuana with no effects other than a release of anxiety, an increase in appetite, and overall better outlook on life. As of recently though; as in a few weeks, i have been meditating far more in an attempt to increase my access to the nexus (i have self achievement issues and as such, have mental block in becoming too successful/powerful). So i thought it would be a nice idea to *meditate my way through* into self acceptance or whatever, all the while on marijuana. (it is, technically, a hallucinogen ) The effects and sensations i get through meditation have been consistent in every respect besides imagery; this is regardless of dosage, even though dosage speeds up the process (whatever that may be) Here is where things get strange. when i begin to meditate, i sense my consciousness shift through around 7 (maybe 10) different -I'm not sure what to refer to them as other than "perspectives"- each one being less of the whole that is my psyche and closer and closer to straight input into my subconscious. I see the shapes and colors, thoughts and feelings, from the perspective of my subconscious. This happens over the course of about 20-30 minutes, all the while, i'm tracking this "frequency" or "feeling" of my ideal self, in the same way i track my lost keys or foresee a personal disaster, and my body gets less and less tense (if i'm sitting up, i flop all the way into my lap) At around "layer 6" things get trippy. nightmarish lucid dream kinda trippy. I start to see horrible things, sense dread and the same energy signature of myself, only it's a deep maroon mixed with red. once before, I have focused through this and then reached a state where a single, two dimensional state formed in front of my mind. As i followed and attuned to the frequency of the nexus, a *curser* moved into the shape. i began to feel vibrations in my real body, now completely limp in my lap, dangling off the couch. As i *tune the shape*, i hear a voice that shouts words of admission that i love my mother( my mother is deaf and insane and caused me to be the victim of emotional neglect up until i was 10 -long story-). - - - - - - TL;DR I went onto a trip into my own psyche. I'm not sure if i hypnotized myself, if i'm doing some sort of spiritual stuff, or if it's something different altogether. I know i have "mommy issues", and it's clear that i'm working through this on a deep level; however,the main topic here is what exact type of process it is that i'm going through. All input about the topic is appreciated. I especially want to hear if this unique or not, because i don't want to be "that one guy who went crazy off weed"
^ Not sure what that means. Welcome to the posting side of the forum! That was an interesting first post. It's not easy to reveal things like that as the only way to do so is with words, and the words are only a way for you to reveal what I then have to interpret according to how I see them. Not easy with something so personal. If you feel what you're doing works for you then why look for confirmation, approval? You say you can 'do' things like find keys etc, so something is working for you. Spiritual stuff is only what you feel it to be. You clearly feel it to be. When you hear the words about your mother, how does it make you feel?
Everyone "goes a little crazy" when they smoke weed, because it changes your perspective on things and as you said: it is a hallucinogen. I am also pretty hard core into meditation, but I choose to not smoke weed while I do so, because I like to smoke with friends rather than just by myself. You have to keep in mind though, that when you are exploring your states of consciousness in any way that you are an observer above all things. While the subconscious holds the "true-unadulterated" self, the "Ego" helps to maintain a respectable balance. Its the same distinction between linear and cyclical time: While time is certainly cyclical, its linear appearance helps to keep things in a manageable fashion. It is not the place of the subconscious to "make sense of things", rather it is more of a jumbled infinity which can be endlessly explored, in which the ego then makes sense of it all and makes rational decisions based on the experience. I think you will be fine, you seem to be a very rational person, however as some words of advice, make peace with your mom even though you got "mommy issues". Maybe buy her some flowers for no reason. While we technically live an infinite life, you only have one chance to alter "this" existence so you might as well make it a positive experience for everyone. I hope that you continue fighting for your goals and your personal life improves!
I thank thee, sir platypus. Your insights have very much helped me with my dimensional theories. I also may take you up on your flower advice.