My ex-girlfriend and I recently broke up. She at first felt we needed to take a break but then after I stressed her out she decided we just needed to end the relationship. I was devastated but she reassured me and even asked me if we could still continue to be friends because she wanted to still be friends. She admits she loved me in the relationship but that it ended for a reason (I led her away from God by pushing the physicality of our relationship too far and too often). I've apologized about this and told her my regret. I have continued to text her up till today and expressed my deepest sincerity but she says she is holding firm in her decision and believes we do not need to have another relationship and that we won't. However, I continued to text her and asked her if the friendship we had could just have no limitations or restrictions and that even though she believed we could not be more than just friends that she wouldn't force it to go in either direction but we just wouldn't worry and let it build to whatever. Honestly we were building a good friendship before but I just feel we jumped into a relationship too fast and too soon. However, the friendship felt it was headed in the relationship direction and we both agreed on that. After, I asked her that last question by the way she replied "I don't know, but I will just have to see...". I haven't texted her since and this was earlier today. Also, how long should I wait till I just decide to move on. Honestly, I'm alright with moving on. Shit, if it's not meant to be then it's not meant to be and I definitely don't want her to force herself to love me again. I just think we need to take it slower this time since I think we jumped to a lot of conclusions and killed the relationship by progressing too fast. At least, in her opinion.
She's holding her ground for a reason. If your good friends right now there's no reason to push for something more when it could ruin all that you have left. But then again I have never been fond of getting back with ex's. I played that game too many times and destroyed not only my feelings but others in the process as well.
Yeah, and I mean I genuinely wouldn't want something if it wasn't there so I wouldn't force it but I just think I could maybe help her stay away from forcing "just friends" when we quite possibly could be something more. Like, as in, I would just like to help explain to her that my intentions really aren't to get back into a relationship perse but maybe just build a close bond that could elevate to that level possibly. However, I am going to let her make the next move and if she doesn't then oh well. I will move on.
That's just... I don't even... Stop trying to "win" her back, you can't "win" her back. Start moving on right now and stop dwelling on reconciliation that may never come. Unless you are a very religious person, you would have had problems later on down the line anyway.
I shouldn't have really stated "win her back" but more how should I approach her with the idea to not forcibly set limitations to our friendship. Like, as in, not presume we can never get to that level again but just allow it to go in that direction. She deserves the next move though and if she doesn't give it to me I have nothing to work with but if and when she does start chatting me up again how should I respond? Obviously I shouldn't go right for that notion that I previously stated and depending on the time it is from now I might need to build up the bond between us again.
Just... don't do that. If you start trying to discuss where your relationship could, maybe end up despite the fact that you're currently not together, you're only preventing yourselves from being able to move on. It's unhealthy for both of you. If she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you. If she doesn't, she doesn't. The whole "I don't know, but I will just have to see..." screams of you being strung along. Move on, dude. If there comes a time when you two decide to get back together, so be it. But in the meantime, it's healthier to stop dwelling/hoping and just move on.
Heres your problem right here bro. The whole point of being in a relationship with someone is because you enjoy being with them, both emotionally and physically. You sound too attached to a girl who doesnt reciprocate the feelings you share for her, back at you.
I'm not really dwelling and yeah, I'm all for moving on. Just really asking, if she makes the next move how should I develop it? I wouldn't want to force her to think a certain way but just keep the notion that the friendship shouldn't have restrictions. I think she's honestly willing to have that. Obviously I can only describe the relationship well enough through the internet and personal experience with the specific girl is rather needed to honestly know if getting her back is possible.
Meh, I wouldn't 100% agree she didn't feel the same about me as I did her. I think she really wanted the relationship to move forward but then I stressed her out so much she made the irrational decision to instead of take the break she originally wanted to actually ending it completely. She was also convinced to do this by her friends and admitted to it. She said after talking to them they found it best that she end the relationship with me. I think she is just too easily persuaded by others which obviously might not be a good quality for me to want to have in a girl, haha.
Definitely not a good quality... Personally, I don't find the "my relationship with god is more important than my relationship with anyone else" quality so attractive either, but to each their own I guess. "Just really asking, if she makes the next move how should I develop it? I wouldn't want to force her to think a certain way but just keep the notion that the friendship shouldn't have restrictions. I think she's honestly willing to have that. Obviously I can only describe the relationship well enough through the internet and personal experience with the specific girl is rather needed to honestly know if getting her back is possible." The fact that you're spending so much time thinking about "what ifs" tells me that you're dwelling, dude. Those "what ifs" may never happen, and in the meantime you are only hurting yourself more.
I guess I feel the "what ifs" are "quite possibles" with this girl from my perspective and just actually having dated her. Not really "dwelling" but more feeling it could be a quite possible thing from how she has been in the past. All in all, if she doesn't contact me back then that's saying something right there. If and it's a quite possible "if" she contacts me back would you say that's saying something? I guess another question I have is why was holding on to a friendship so important to her? Usually the "I don't really want to have a friendship with you either" line is stated in the fashion of "We can still be friends but if you can't just be friends with me then I understand" but instead she literally wanted me to reassure her that we would still be friends. Like legit she kept bringing that notion up and I was like "Yeah, I'm still your friend". lol
You guys agreed to remain friends, right? So her contacting you back might not mean anything at all. Just stop thinking about the "what ifs" and focus on moving on for yourself. There are many reasons she could have wanted to remain friends. Best case: She actually cares about you as a person and while she may not want to be in a relationship with you, she values your friendship. Worst case: She's keeping you around as a "friend" who wants to get back together with her so that she can use you to feel better about herself.
I think the best case is probably more adequate to her. I do agree I need to move on and what ifs would only hold me back. I guess with relationships, especially ones you didn't want to see come to a close, it's just so easy to want to hold on to something. I think she is done even though I'd say I don't feel she wanted to be done but merely jumped to the conclusion that it was the only fix. I just feel knowing this girl and knowing how it was before we dated if we start hanging out again and talking it's only going to lead in that direction in no time. I guess that's the hard part about thread post: I can't really give y'all a clear perspective of all the events so generalizations are made from how it sounds.
Oh, we don't necessarily need to be in your shoes, I've been in the same situation myself. Well, maybe not the same situation. But a break-up where we promised to remain friends and based on his actions I kept holding out hope that it would become more than a friendship again. We were on/off for a couple years and now I look back and wonder "what the fuck was I thinking...?!" All I'm saying is that you need to let go of the hope that you guys will get back together. Forget about any chance there might be of that happening, because you're only preventing yourself from moving on. Granted... when I was in that situation, I wouldn't have listened to me. And I doubt you will either. Sometimes we gotta learn for ourselves.
sounds like the end of the road for you guys and if I were you Id stop stressing and quit textin her man by doing that your coming off as desperate and thats just making things worse. If you really like her give it time and see if she talks to you n if she doesnt well its time to move on partner. Dont settle for friends either just back off because it will never be the same and the shit is just awkward when your thrown into the friend zone by an ex gf.
If a girl wants to be wit you she will so just get over her man and do your thing.this happened to me too like two years ago we are still friends tho
Sorry pal, but you and her are through; she's clearly not that into you. It's a sad fact that you're rationalizing, somewhere along the line you turned from prince charming into a bad habit. At this point in time, she has you by your balls; she is 100% in control (it's a bad thing when she's in control) and she's not taking you and her anywhere. It's best to move on, stop contacting her, enjoy being single and feel the fresh new sense of independence. And I mean stop, no texts, no calls, no nothing; she texts? You don't respond. The more you stay in contact, the longer it's gonna take for that wound to heal. Pick up a new hobby, start working out; do something that will make you feel good about yourself.
Yeah, I know it's about that time I move on and I most likely will. I'm not really trying to hold on to false hope but it's hard I guess when I feel I resulted in the end and she didn't really want to have to make that step. Maybe I shouldn't be asking this...but is there ever a time where an ex-relationship can actually truly work again. I know both parties need to have mutual interest again especially the one that initiated the break up to begin with. I guess my true problem with relationships in general is that I feel I take them too fast and I feel I get so damn serious about them too soon. At the beginning of this one I was also just early on afraid of a break up occurring at random so it put a lot of tension on me to move fast. Not saying there were signs of that being possible but that I just have bad experiences with girls before leaving me at what I thought of as random and didn't have a clear cut cause. However, I do obviously see this one did and that hurts the crap out of me.
Then shes not worth it, OP. Any girl who is immature enough to dump her bf over what her religous friends think is a sinful relationship, isnt worth your time. On to the next one, preferably less religous so you have more rationality to work with.