How to Win an Argument by ~In-The-Machine on deviantART "Everyone gets into arguments at some point in their life. Electronic communication receptacles are no exception. If anything, one is more -likely- to find that it is easier to become embroiled in an online argument than anything else. 1. CAP THAT If there's one sure-fire way to make a point stronger, it's typing in ALL CAPS. Considering that there are many instances when sound can't travel over the net, one must find the next best available way to be heard. This "next best" way is through "shouting," which just happens to be done online through typing in CAPS. Just like screaming, shouting, and general tantrum-throwing in real life, this method is a highly efficient method of making sure that your point gets across and makes you seem ten thousand times more valid and understandable. Additionally, it makes your argument come on more forcefully and shows the opposition you mean "serious fucking shit" with your side of things. After all, loud noises work with dogs and small children in real life. Why shouldn't it work online? 2. You Douche-Face! Next to shouting, the next best method to use in arguing is insulting the opposition. Insults not only weaken the point of the other person, they make one look automatically more intelligent in the process. Words like "idiot, dumbass, motherfucker" and "faggot" are totally not overused and completely original examples of diction that also function as "magic words." No, fuckface, not like "please and thank you." No. What happens when you use these words is that when you say them, the other person automatically becomes the insult being used. For example, the other person could be giving completely logical and incredibly detailed explanations with full CGI graphs and models coupled with the highest-level thinking available to understand every Ghost in the Shell film in existence but none of that would matter. Why? Because you could merely call them a "fag" or a "retard" and they would immediately be reduced to one as soon as you pressed the 'SEND' button. Why resort to using overly-convoluted words or doing all the hard work of getting research to back up your point when you could just dish out a word or two that does all the work for you. ...in short, why prove them to be retarded when you could just call them that? In insulting the opposition, you not only save yourself work, you save yourself time and effort and prove yourself the more quick-minded in the situation due to the fact that -you- were the first one to figure out the 'easy button' method of insulting someone else and the first one in the argument to use it. 3. We're Sorry, But You Cannot Post a... Find yourself backed into a corner? Suddenly decide that the points of the other person are just too reasonable stupid for you to handle anymore? Well, there's a way to fix all that. It's a little option available to all of us. "Blocking" not only makes it so that you "keep on being right," it also makes it so that the other person can no longer assail you with their stupidity. Not only is this method the responsible route to take, it's HIGHLY RECOMMENDED that you use this when you decide to start something with someone else. Yes, you should especially use this option when you start something yet find yourself unable to finish it. Except that it's not cowardice, it's being "the better man" because, again, if you start something, you should finish it right? (and I say "better man" because there are no, and never have been, vaginas on the internet) And what better way than doing that by blocking the other person from replying to the argument that you started in the first place. Bonus points if you can use the "insult" method and then block the person before they can reply. Not only does it make you clever, but it shows how you absolutely-should not- be fucked with. With quick insults and blocking at your side, you'll be like a sniper firing from behind a stone fortress. Basically, you'll be invincible. Because the other person not responding automatically makes one "right." Especially if they can't respond. 4. Dat Weather Another route for sure-fire argument winning is changing the subject. Not only does this confuse the opponent, it serves as a great distraction from the fact that you're losing and/or are seemingly unable to come up with a valid point against the other person. Again, this is especially helpful in an argument that -you- started. Ex: "No, the sky is brown." "The sky is blue." "The sky is brown because Mother Nature wiped her gigantic stinking fat ass across the pure white sky. So now it's brown." "Actually, the sky is blue because the Earth's atmosphere scatters light. I can prove this with (link) and (link)." "So did you see that Bieber concert last night?" "What? We were just talking about the sky." "No, we're talking about Bieber. His concert. Last night." "Uh..." "It sure is cold out." "...kay." Like I said. Works every time. 5. Echo Echo In the middle of a heated debate with someone and feel like it's just not going anywhere? Try to repeat your point over and over. And over. It's just like commercials. The more it plays, the more likely it is to stick and make people think the same as you and see your side of things. This method is more effective when you're tired and angry. Instead of taking the time to calm down and explain your side of things coolly and calmly and with a little more detail, just repeat your initial point until the other person either shuts up, goes away, or sees your side of things. It's like how they taught you in school. Repetition, repetition, repetition. Because the more something is said, the more true and/or right it becomes. 6. Anonymity One of the greatest ways to argue with all the above points without the risk of dirtying your (net) hands is arguing on a false/separate account from your main one. In this way, no one knows who you are and/or can trace you. Never mind the fact that a lot of online accounts are anonymous to begin with. In making a new anonymous one, you are immediately freeing yourself from any and all restraint associated with being tracked or "known" and can say and act as you please, no matter how ridiculous or far-fetched your points are. No one can accuse you of anything and if they do, you can just make something up. It's not like anyone will know. Coming back on another account also makes it look like one more person supports your argument, thus strengthening it." I agree with numbers 1 and 2 if it's being sarcastic, not so much 3-6. What do you people think?