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How to tell if my girlfriend loves me?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by wtflux, Sep 20, 2011.

  1. #1 wtflux, Sep 20, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 20, 2011
    It may be a dumb question, but I can't really tell whether my girlfriend really loves me or just "likes" me, or are they both the same thing?

    I've been with her for almost 8 months now, I may also point out that she's my first one. I'm 21 years old and she's a few years younger than me.

    The thing is, I'm always the one showing her affection, it's not really a mutual thing. I'm not sure if it's because of her personality, or because she doesn't have much interest in me. She often tells me that she loves me, however for some reason I feel like she's not totally sincere.

    One thing is, she doesn't love herself ; physically or in most other aspects. Perhaps the saying "You can't love someone without loving yourself" is true? She's been anorexic for 2 years and had just got out a bad relationship when I met her. Personally I think she's perfect in every way and always compliment her and make her feel comfortable. I'm trying to boost her self confidence but nothing seems to be working after 8 months.. I don't have much experience with girls in general so it's hard for me to read her and know how she really feels towards me

    She's been going through a lot of stress lately with school and family. Her past seems to trouble her, her father never gave her much attention, and her ex boyfriend used to abuse her in many ways, often she'll feel depressed and tell me she doesn't know why she feels that way..

    So I'm essentially trying to find out if her visible lack of interest towards me is caused by her stress, her past, or even the way she was raised? Or is it a clear indicator that she doesn't love me?

    Any comments would be greatly appreciated
  2. If you're not sure, and she's under 25, then the answer is no.
  3. well that's reassuring :( but why would she stay with me then?
  4. Because she is young and insecure same reason you're probably with her. You'll laugh about all this later.
  5. I'm with her because I really love her, but then again as I said she's my first. My father is advising against this relationship since the start and telling me I should bang chicks left and right at this age and not settle on one.. but I really love the girl she has something special. I really don't think I'll "laugh about this later", I don't think my first real girlfriend is something I'll ever forget
  6. Quicker you let go the better. Life's not a fairy tale. Do what your dad says. He knows what's up, and I think that inside, you do too.
  7. Deep inside I know what you're saying is true, however how do you let go of something when there's no real reason to? She makes me happy and she's one of the best things that happened in my life
  8. The reason is that it's a waste of time to cling to things, and that whether it feels like it or not, she's holding you back, and you're holding her back. You know those people who have kids and fall in love w/ the high school sweetheart? Then never get to see the world. Don't fuck yourself here man.
  9. I wouldn't go as far as having kids or even think about marriage before I'm done with my studies, but in the main time I do enjoy her company and I can't have sex with a girl I don't have feeling for. So I really feel like dumping her wouldn't accomplish anything, she's not really holding me back for anything since we only see each other on the weekends and have our normal lives during the week. She never held me back for anything, she lets me go out with my friends and I recently just got back from a month vacation without her
  10. Get free of this one, and the way you'll start acting, if you're in college, will make the girls there do things that will make you have feelings for them then you can fuck em. It's the circle of life dude.
  11. If I was a player then by all means I'd agree with you. But I'm really not comfortable around girls in general and pickup really isn't my thing. I'm in university right now but in my past 3 years of college when I was single I didn't even make friends with a girl
  12. lol just enjoy it while it is
  13. What's with all the douchebag answers.

    Just be straight up and ask her, tell her exactly how you feel.
    • Like Like x 1
  14. How many years is a couple years?
  15. Honestly imo it has nothing to do with you. She might have the same feelings, but obviously is going through something. Reading this I honestly thought you might be my boyfriend lol, I have been in a similar position as your girlfriend..but more when I was younger.anorexia is a disease, and that's something she will need professional help with, and to have all that other stuff on top of it...its not that she doesn't love you she probably is just so stuck in her own head that she doesn't think to be affectionate. Your probably not going to get any place until she gets some help and takes care of herself, you shouldn't have to take care of her and your relationship will be a lot better or you'll both realize your better off apart.
  16. Im in the SAME situation as you dude. Whenever im with my gf shes never trying to hold my hand or wrap her arms around me or even randomly tell me she loves me. She just lookes down most of the time. But when she gets home she starts telling me how much i mean to her and how much she loves me.

    Shes had a horrible past with her dad and her ex bfs.

    Just ask her dude. When my gf would pull away from me everytime i tried to embrace her i thought she didn't want to be with me and then when i talked to her about it she said she doesn't like public display of affection??

    Just talk to her about it
  17. I am going to eventually just confront her about it, but I thought I'd be better off first knowing what other people think about my situation. Plus I'm waiting to see if her attitude towards me changes when things go better on her side in general.
    Thanks for your comment

    She's 17.

    That's what I'm also thinking, and hoping.
    She's had professional support for her anorexia but it's still troubling her because she wants the same body as she had while being anorexic.
    I really want to help her move forward in life and forget her past because she means a lot to me, I'll be patient and eventually I'll hopefully be able to make her a happy person

    Yeah you really are in the same situation, it's the same here she will rarely be the first one to hug or kiss me, or telling me she loves me. As for your girlfriend not liking public display of affection well I could understand if it was french kissing in public, but not even a hug..?
  18. wtflux, if she's 17 it's over dude. Seriously. You're wasting time. Of course you don't go out and meet people, you're too busy trying to make "true love" work with a 17 year old girl. She could be a lesbien in 3 years. Who knows? She has no concept of adult life and is incapable of making a decision to form a lifelong relationship. Just cut your losses dude.
  19. who gives a shit about love at 25 years and younger.

    you live once, save that shit for later in life.
    • Like Like x 1
  20. It seems like she has a lot of problems that she needs to work through and I'm not sure you can help her. She needs to go to counseling and get help before she can really love anyone. And also it doesn't seem like its a healthy relationship because she isn't healthy and I feel like it could end bad and ruin you for future relationships. Maybe you should find a girl that's emotionally ready for a relationship. You seem like a really sweet and loving guy find yourself a sweet and loving girl.

    Or you could just date around if you don't want a relationship, you're young have fun. You don't want to look back on your life and realized you wasted your youth on damaged girls and long relationships

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