How to survive jail?

Eat a shitload of brownies right before going in, you'll be high as FUCK for the 2 days

 

omg thats a great idea
go with the brownie plan

 

Get familiar with black people. Not joking. lols

Trust me, people in jail won't ever fuck with you unless you fuck with them. It's all about improvisation in jail.

 

Definitely massive amounts of coke.
best possible option in any situation really

 

Try not to look like your scared, its gonna blow ass though there is no way around it. My aunt spent over 25 years in prison/jail for many different things she has been to some really nasty ones and she did just fine. My family doesn't know how to stay outta trouble lol

 

I've heard prison is what you need to worry about, and that jail ain't half as bad.

But I'm a suburban white kid, what do I actually know about jail?

Nothing, that's what.

 

Never ever,ever show weakness.

The first fool to cause you trouble you go at him like it was thing you'll ever do,because it migh be.

Also,show respect,but just enough,expect respect back.

 

Remember cigs are like money there. So, just bring a lot of them and pay people off?

 

ive had alot of friends and family members that have done time in jail..some up to 15 years...my gf's brother was in the same prison as the guy the movie "blow" is based off of as well that bozo the clown guy who hosted cartoon shows, but he got out a few months ago...ive done a night in the holding cell myself which wasnt so bad...but pretty disgusting and crowded. my suggestion is that you respect everyone, keep to yourself and try to blend in without drawing attention, dont show your afraid or youll become a target, but dont act too big shit either....its a delicate balance and they have their own rules..be careful of crossing onto territory that gangs or races dont allow other to pass onto when your out on the yard....its two days..thats nothing. be smart and you will come out ok.

 

Everyone seems to be brainwashed by TV shows/Movies about prision. They think that the moment they get in, Bubba is waiting with his cock and ready to rape you.

You're there 2 days, just keep to yourself, but don't act like the 'loner'. Just always have a the same look on your face. When out at rec time, play some ball or something.

The only people who get messed with are the people staying there awhile.

Also the most important thing is too never look sad or scared, when you walk into your cell, first impressions are key. Just have a straight, normal face. Or there's always the 'psycho' approach. Act insane like you just got done a killing spree, and act like you can kill anyone at anytime.

2 days they won't even have time to know who you are.

 

My family mostly did very well in prison, but then again my cuz went for murder. Someone snitched on the wrong people.

 

Practice shoving cucumbers up your ass.

 

I dont mean to scare you but the second I walked into crook county jail my first time I got socked in the face by my cell mate, I took it like a man and homeboy had my back the rest of the time I was locked up. He said if I would have cried or wined about it, everyone on my block would find out and treat me like a bitch.
Number 1 thing...dont make eye contact with people for a long time...look around, but just glance...lookin the wrong way at some1 in jail is a no-no. Obviously keep your mouth shut unless someone is talking to you. you aint there to make friends, and theres definitley no friends in jail.
if someone starts a fight with you, you must fight back, they might kill you if you dont at least try and defend yourself. Also, you'll look like a bitch and every1 will know your an eazy target. You only have 2 days, so you should be able to ride this 1 out with no incidents if you play your cards right.
also, what jail are you goin to? Im white, not huge, and in my early 20s and I survived cook county. You can survive too.

 

your doing two days.


i could do two days standing on my head.



but being stoned wouldnt hurt.

 

Honestly dude , its two days. You could go in but ass naked with targets on your balls and nothing bad would happen in two days.

If some kind of confrontation does happen , act like a crazy fuck. You want to give off the suicide bomber vibe , like if they try and fuck with you you'll punch yourself in the face and bite their dick off.

 

State jail is not that bad, federal is what you should worry...I've went to jail before met lots of cool people and fought one guy who tried punking me for my pillow. Food are horrible, all i ate was oranges cause bread would be green and shit

 

^^^ This.

And 2 days ain't shit. You probably won't even make it out of medical lockup.

2 days - wow.

 

Look at it this way: Now you get the chance to stand up for yourself when you didn't in highschool.