Okay, so I'm a 19 year old male and yet I still feel awkward and anti-social at times. I rarely do the talking even when I'm with my friends, and I rarely if ever, try to get at girls or even befriend people unless I'm put in a situation where I'm forced to or highly encouraged to. I've had plenty of experiences where I start a convo and it's just ends abruptly mainly due to my inability to hold one. I've started running and weight training cause I heard exercise helps you gain confidence so I'll see how it goes. But is there any sure way of doing it? Edit: And I can't get drunk all the time. Even if I did, it would just be downright embarrassing and easy to tell because I get Asian glow. And marijuana only makes me more paranoid and reserved. Heard from someone who said Xanax/Prozac help but I don't how much it costs and nor do I want to suffer from it's side effects.
There is only one way that I know of. You must find the magical cave of dreams and slay the shy leopluradon...they say if you eat its heart you will be free of shyness. On a serious note being shy for me has been like a desease and its a constant fight but its gotten better. Do more activites and get out more really. Interact with anyone you can.
Worst quest on world of war craft. And being social is always highly encouraged. So much more fun then being a recluse.
Talk to a professional. Therapy isn't for everyone, but it MAY help; its worth trying one session, especially if you can get it under your parents health insurance. (Being 19 I think your covered) Start putting yourself in awkward positions that you aren't used to; just start doing things you normally wouldn't. You need to get out of your comfort zone. Volunteer for stuff, help out in class/lab, join a/more clubs, become active in said clubs, join the debate team, if your still in high school join the academic decathelon if they have it. Talk to people more; get your conversational skills up. Though if your talks just die, it may be that there's no shared interest. ( nothing to jump to after the topic that started the convo ) Running and weight training are great confidence builders, great for your health, great for your body, but they are not a magic cure all. They'll help, but they help in the sense that you feel better about yourself sporting a 6 pack over a beer belly, and you might approach the girl by the bar thinking she won't immediately reject you on a physical standpoint. The only sure way is to do things OTHER than what you are currently doing, if you are doing anything at all, to try and "break" your shyness. If you get in enough experiences, there won't be anything to be shy about. For example, (EXTREME example) if I run naked through the streets every morning (granted the law doesn't give a damn, but they do so you know how bizarre, unlikely, and detached from reality this example is) I won't feel at all the least bit insecure about showering and changing in front of others in the gym's locker room - its all about acclimation. I'm a complete introvert and have extreme trouble talking to and holding conversations with anyone I havn't known for ~4-6 months. As uncomfortable as each piece of the preceding advice is, its something that needs be done. Hell, it might be that just talking to my seat partner leads to talking to the stoner-looking dude across the room leads to talking to the chick that sits behind me, so on and so forth. Also, being sober may help. Or being high may help. Find which end of the spectrum your at; I know I open up when stoned. edit - This is a big one for me : analyzing EVERYTHING you say and the meaning behind what your conversational partner is saying and how they'll interpret your reply. This just slows down conversation, and is usually what kills it for me. Drop this and chill; who cares what they think and if they get offended or offput by your words, its their problem - Stop giving a shit about what others think of you. And thanks OP; just writing this has been therapeutic, i'm sure.
You can't really 'force' yourself to be some automatically outgoing person, but shyness is so damn common that it's not even seen as a huge deal. Yeah, exercising has been said to help battle insecurity and depression. It's hard to feel comfortable socially if you're not even comfortable with yourself. You could also start saying "hi" to strangers as you pass by them (even if they're too rude to say anything back). Maybe you're more of a listener than a talker. When someone's talking to you, you could occasionally ask them questions as it pertains to the whatever the hell you guys are talking about, just to try and keep them talking and get the conversation going. I'm quite introverted but I try to handle things a little differently by having a relaxed mentality. And that's really best thing I could suggest for you to do, too. Relax. Don't overthink things, don't feel too insecure; just relax. Don't worry bro, it'll come to you. EDIT: Yeeeaaaaah I wouldn't consider taking Xanax/Prozac. Seriously dude, I don't even think you should worry about it too much. You could overcome this without the aid of medication, unless you have serious depression problems.
Like others have said excersising is a big plus. Ever since I started going to the gym (about a year ago) ive lost over 30 pounds of fat and have built muscle. Girls useto NEVER talk to me because I was shy and chubby but now I must say im pretty damn sexy and im comfortable with who I am. If you look good you feel good and you play good. Talking to girls is not that hard when you know they find you physically attractive. Working out has been the best decision ive ever made. Hit the gym man and hit it hard. The key to overcoming shyness is to be happy with who you are and looking good already wins you half the battle.
Thanks for the advice guys. And to 1sttimegrower, I'm glad I could help @JEI3US, I'm the complete opposite lol. I'm skinny as fuck, never been overweight in the slightest, but trying to get cut and put on a few lbs of muscle. What about finding new interests and trying to excel at them?
Thats another thing. A wise man (history teacher in hs) once told me you must find your trades and sharpen them. This means excel at what you like to do, keep yourself busy. Women love an interesting man thats goal oriented. You like cars? Start getting more involved in mechanic work. Being a man these days is a true understatement. Learn to do things with your hands, fix things, drive with a trailer, change a tire etc. In the emantime your mind is so set on the things your doing you will almost forget about women and when you least expect it she will come around. Just dont drown yourself in sorrow and do nothing bcus thats not the answer to your problems.
When you are in a position that you have to speak otherwise will be awkward. Ask and Listen (Means you shut up and pay attention). Ask about what they think of Life, about something they like. Cooking, Smoking, Swingers , Lawyers, etc ... You get the idea. Let's say a girl talk to you. Just ask her what do you do for a living ? [answer from girl] From the answer continue asking and shut up. That way they will do most of the talking and they will love you because you are the best listener they ever have. Even better than her hus... lol ! Hahahaha I'm an ANgel Peace HIH ZS
Ask them questions about themselves. Don't make it an interrogation, as you only want to know about them. Through that, once you discover common ground between you and them then let the floodgates open. Exchanging interests and discovering new interests are usually what allow me to break out of my shell. teeheeterror, I'm extremely shy myself so I understand how that shyness acts acts as an inhibitor. But, if you can mentally force that shyness to go fuck itself you will act more confident, you'll have more faith in your social side and you'll learn valuable lessons that will last you your whole life. I'm not saying it'll be an overnight mental change, but if you can gradually reduce that shyness by even a little bit you will experience volumes of confidence. Plus, you got the awesome community of GC at your back. Any improvement you make in forcing that shyness out of your life will be rewarded with confidence and greater self-esteem. You can do this!
As an introvert, I found that it takes experience. I've always been socially awkward as hell, but one thing I'd known I handled well was a strong sense of humor. I'm 24 and I'm still learning, but I'm still leagues above where I was 6 years ago just from occasionally sticking my feet in the water. Practice eye-contact. That was the biggest hump for me, but it can be done. Like JE13US said, sharpen whatever skill you're good at. I've taught myself the bare BARE basics of fixing some things in the house, and I've had nothing but positive experiences showing women that I'm trying to be a writer and photographer. For all I know, I take shitty pictures and write 2nd grade prose, but the fact that I'm set on something and working for it make me more interesting than the neighborhood deadbeats. Practice conversations with the Walgreens clerk or waiter/tress at the local restaurant with a "Doing alright today?" Work on what you need to do, and along the way, the women you're looking for will find you.
I've been super antisocial and shy my whole life.i think me being shy makes girls think ima stuck up asshole( im too shy to text first or call girls) but i still.get a good amount of tail even if i don't chase it..what im trying to say op is that maybe its not such a bad thing