I'm not to the point where one spider will freak me out, however I think some things just unexpectedly fuck you up. now you must be thinking, "what the fuck is this guy talking about?" well stop that. don't think about anything right now until I'm finished because then it will make sense. you're fucking up the pacing of this story. anyway, this morning I woke up hearing the birds chirping, the sun above the earth and as high as my morning wood. but then, as my eyes focus, I lay my eyes upon what appeared to be an elaborate web spider structure. now it's one thing if it's just a spider web, but this god damn thing was more like a spider fortress. there were about four vicious looking motherfuckers staring at me too. one of them just dangling a little bit below the spider fortress. my first immediate thoughts were, "quick, man, you've got to get the fuck out of there." in a split-second decision, I decided it would be a good idea to leap out of bed regardless of what infrastructure I could possibly damage in the process. on my way out, I caught the glare of one of them protecting an egg sack. so my friend was in the next room probably geeking out as usual, and I go in there and tell him, "hey, can you take care of these fucking spiders for me?" and I thought the motherfucker was gonna go in there and spray, but no this guy comes in with a fucking broom, then just touches the spider. doesn't even whack, he just touches them and they fall right on the fucking my bed, and they fucking. they spread... into different corners of the room. I was like, "you fucking bitch, you have pissed them off. now they're gonna come and get me in my sleep, and they're gonna fuck me up. one's gonna lay eggs in my mouth, you think I wanna deal with that? eggs in my mouth?" well, that's it. that's the end of my story. you want a cookie or something? get outta here.
Go find a couple of praying mantises, not sure if it'll get rid of the problem but you'll get to see some ass kicking bug fights. Put on of them in the web so that way the spiders will get pissed off and come to attack it.
^Man I'd battle one like that. Shrink down, get a sword and shield, maybe a bow and go fuck his day up. But you're fucked op. They're going to do exactly what you said, and worse.
Spiders would FUCK you up. Don't watch monster bug wars do ya? Shield and sword? Insect world is the most bizarre and dangerous. 150 pound humans fear spiders, imagine a 150 lb spider equivalent.... Fuck that
fuck spiders. my mom calls me a pussy whenever i use the vacuum to get rid of them, but i dont give a shit. i refuse to go anywhere near them. btw, im sorry they got away. i hope they don't kill you in your sleep
My mom called me insane for playing with black widows with my bare hands. We used to have spider wars, swing spiders and let them catch each other and fight. Kids are terrible.
to add on, you eat 85 spiders in your sleep in your lifetime. i don't have a joke for that but that's just a fact. probably.
WHAT!!! Dude you woke up to a fucking WEB of 4 spiders? I woulda been convinced its the worst nightmare of my life and thrown myself to the ground to try and wake up, once i felt the shooting pain id know im awake and run full fucking speed out of the door. They scattered when they hit the bed? and there was a mother with eggs? Id board that room up and never think about it, or anything inside it again. What kind of spiders were they?
i would never sleep in there again your buddy probably broke the sac of eggs and now theres fucking baby spiders all over the place you might just have to take out insurance and commit arson fraud man
I won't be able to go to sleep now, thanks. I fucking hate spiders. I was cleaning my spare set of tires that were in storage for 10 years, and a ton of fucking spiders came out when I hit them with water. Scary shit.
[quote name='"mydaddyatemyeye"']these except smaller and not eating birds[/quote] That is the scariest thing I've ever seen in my life