In an effort to relieve Reform Mary Jane Laws from having to tell most the stories here, I've decided to chime in with some of my own. That, and I've finally got a chance to sit around this here 'puter with a bit of a buzz on! Let's go back about 20 yrs. ago. I had more hair, less money, less responsibilties, more fun,(sometimes), and not a clue as to what was coming around the bend. I had just graduated high school, (they said it could'nt be done) and went to the big city, (if Tulsa is a big city) to seek my fame and fortune. Being 19 yrs. old I had one thing on my mind. PUSSY AND PARTYING! This could attest to my current financial standing these many years later I suppose. Oklahoma drinking laws were in a state of flux at that time, so there were bars you could get into at 19, and ones you could'nt. I had found one little hang out not far from my house that I was always welcome at. Mama's Place was a little hole in the wall that I'm pretty sure was a rest stop on the illegal alien highway. If the INS ever came in there it would empty in a heartbeat. But over all the mood was mellow and you could smoke out back, not to mention they made a mean Bloody Mary. All the beer signs had CERVEZA on them. Spanish was the primary language. It's hard to get any nookie when you don't speak the language. It was rare that a caucasian female was in the place. It was even rarer that she was under the age of 63 when she came in. Hanging out one Saturday night, with my lone friend in the city at that time, we were shocked to find two females about our age appear in the bar! We popped a Tic Tak, put on our best shit eatin grins and made our move. We got them involved in a pool game to get the conversation going. They seemed friendly e'nuff so eventually the talk turned to pot. I had a lone doobie left to my name so we invited them out back to burn it. Since I was new in the city, I had no connect. It was always a 2 1/2 drive back home to track some down. I was telling this to these ladies and they said they could hook me up right away if we wanted to come back to their place! Have ya ever seen how a dog wags it's tail real fast when smelling another dogs asshole? I was trying not to look like that, but I don't think I was doing a very good job. YEAH BABY!!! GETTING READY TO HAVE HOT SEX IN THE CITY!!!! Imagine my let down when they both got in the front seat together. I got a little paranoid. I was starting to think maybe these ladies were cops. That feeling left after awhile as we were driving out of the city. It was replaced by the feeling that we were about to become victims of psycho ax weilding amazon lesbians. This feeling was accelerated by the fact that neither of them had very much to say. We finally arrived at house in the country and they sold us an oz. for $40. About the going rate back then. I rolled one for us to smoke. They said we could smoke it on the way back to the bar cause they had to dump us to go pick up their boyfriends. So much for hot sex in the city. They were'nt psycho ax weilding amazon lesbians, but they had some kickass weed. I got very STOOOOOOONED! We floated back into Mama's and the joint was filled with Mexicans. The spanish was flowing thru the joint. We got a corner booth and just kinda sat there spacing out. I had gave the bag to my buddy to hang on to back at the girl's house and he had stashed it in his coat. We in our own little world there as Freddy Fender reassured us that he would be there before the next teardrop fell. In the opposite corner, a group of 5 Mexican hombres had been sitting there all night. I was pretty sure these guy's had been in a Clint Eastwood movie. They did'nt smile and they did'nt talk to anyone but each other. They had a chick with them. She was very drunk and had been dancing by herself all night. She was still doing the solo lambada as we sat there. The Stroke came on the juke and she went friggin nuts! I was'nt sure if she was still dancing or having some kind of seizeure! She stopped in mid gyration and walked over to our table. She bent over and then fell down to her knees. We were a little stunned by being snapped out of our stoned little world. When she stood up she had a bag in her hand. She muttered something in Spanish and held the bag toward us. At the risk of overstating, I was extremely stoned, to the point of wondering if the weed was laced, so I had no response to her. I just stared. My buddy thought she was trying to sell us a bag so he just shook his head no. She muttered something else in Spanish and wandered away to the table where the dangerous boys were sitting. They talked among them selves for a second, looked at us twice and then got up and went out back. It was about that this time that my buddy felt in his coat for the bag. You guessed it. IT WAS GONE!!! The drunken seizeure dancer had been trying to give us back our bag! And us being the stupid stoners we were, would'nt take it! We held a quick debate and decided to go out back to see if we could explain and possibly get our bag back. The language barrier was pretty immense, but facial expressions cross all lines of race, creed, geography. The Clint Eastwood boy's expression was "it ain't nothin for me to whup a white boys ass if he tries to get his weed back." After a few more attempts at communication, I decide it was better to learn this lesson with out a broken nose and bent teeth. So we left. Wiser to the ways of the city, but still no pussy, and now, no friggin weed either! Many other adventures in the big city, which is why I now live back in the sticks. But, like Conan, that is another story............
inflation sucks. i wish i could get an oz for $40 around here again. get 2 weeks worth of food for $20 pay phones 5 cents......
Heh, Smokinokie. A buddy of mine in college had a similar thing happen ... Except the chick was also hot for him. Dumbass, aka my buddy, and Dumberass, aka me, were way to baked to even comprehend the meaning of language, let alone use it ... Oh well. She was trying to get all over him, and he was just to baked to be functional. She tried to give the sack back, but the importance of the item was lost on us, completely. Imagine our dismay a couple hours later, when our language and general conscious functions came back online. Sounds like "How to lose weed in the big city." and "How to lose weed at college." kinda have the same plotlines. That was funny, Smokinokie. Peace.
If I could just spin a yarn like this.........I have funny stories - I just can't spin them out as well as the old smoky.
i wanted to tell the story today about when my car broke down, but i don't have a whole heck of a lot of time. so i thought i'd bump a funny as hell story =)
LOL. Almost 2 years later to the date of me posting this...and I still say the same. I miss ya Okie, get back and spin us another one of your classic yarns soon.