Title says it all.... How? Is it even possible? My boyfriend of 4 years has set a detox date for after the NBA Finals, 2 weeks from now. He has only once admitted to having a problem so I guess this a tiny step forward, but still doesn't mean shit to me. there's no difference between 2 weeks in the hypothetical future and today. In the past 2 years, he has transformed into a volatile, verbally abusive person I cannot trust. I try not to hang out with him if he is drinking but recently went on a fishing trip with him and was subjected to 30 seconds of his bullshit i've tried so hard to avoid. I can't help but still care about him. He doesn't have anyone in his life that cares about him like I do. I feel like a fool: my sweet nature getting totally taken advantage of, any advice? :/
Alcohol brings out the real you. He was always an asshole, he just loses his inhibitions and lets the real him out. Get out ASAP. Check this out- I have feelings for a girl, and she knows I love her, and would jump at the chance to be her boyfriend, but she's with another guy. If he TRULY loves you, he'll let you go. Trust me, as bad as his problems are, i can guarantee without a single doubt that I've seen hardships that guy could never imagine, and I'd never abuse you, let alone any other human being in such a manner regardless of how drunk i got. Go ahead and tell me the shit that happens to him, my misery will trump his every time. I literally repel people both purposefully and subconsciously, and loneliness hurts, but cmon he cant blame alcohol for that behavior, that's an excuse, and a disgusting one. m sorry, i know you care for him, but he lied to you, and if he really loved you, he'd make a serious attempt to change. I know I would. I'd do anything to be happy! (well, provided I dont hurt myself or others, well.. at least not in a bad way ) I like to fish too.. We can hang out, and I'll verbally love you (jk)
Being a recovering alcoholic, I can tell you there are many forms of "alcoholism". Some alcoholics are always drinking. Some do not drink 24/7. Basically, if your drinking is always having a negative impact on life, you are an alcoholic. A few important things are (and you've probably heard this before, but it is crucial): Does he admit he has a problem with alcohol? It sounds like he may have already admitted to this. Does he truly want to get better? He must want to get better, for himself - not for his girlfriend/fiancé, not for his mother, but for himself. I'm living an alcohol free life now & I enjoy it. Something I never thought was possible. Good luck!
There are many guys who will use alcoholism as an excuse to be abusive too, though. the abuse is just bullshit. I'll never overlook that as a 'symptom' of alcoholism.
I was afraid of this...it's the truth. we've had some deep talks, although few and far between. He's actually admitted to being a "monster", and of course, I told him "no you're not", thinking it was just his insecurities. In hindsight, he was just telling me the truth. what the hell is wrong with people like this? it's a fcking self-fulfilling prophecy... what's scary is that he is aware of this "monster" inside him but can't even control it? I honestly think he can change... but maybe i'm too idealistic I would definitely like to hear more alcoholics' take on this.... please..
Maybe he can change, but if he's not even willing to start the process now, then it really doesn't seem that important to him. It sounds like this has been going on for a long time, and you're still with him. Telling him how much you dislike it while still staying with him isn't giving him much motivation to change. It's teaching him that he really doesn't have to because you haven't left him over it yet so you probably won't.
I've learned that many people are simply just depressed because of ONE crucial element to their misery. Mine was because I felt ugly, my psyche lied to me, made me think I was ugly and lame. But now I feel like i've been unlocked. My inspiration has returned, and I will continue to strengthen my skills, I will continue to increase my knowledge, and I will take better care of myself.. Not just for Myself, but for everyone around me.
You have to want help to help yourself. Helping oneself is the only way. So, no, you can't. You can only try, and not enable.
a lot and almost everyday. it's not the quantity that bothers me as much as his personality change while drinking and the morning after. he used to be a high functioning alcoholic, but now he is just an addict, and ruining our relationship. I've pretty much given up.
Have you even given him an ultimatum? Have you told him "I will leave you if this does not stop"? And would you be willing to stick with that?
I would give him some time. (Only if he wants to get better). When I was drinking, I didn't think I was hurting anybody but myself. In reality, I was hurting those who loved me the most. If I hadn't received "extra" time or a second chance from the people that love me most, I am not sure if I'd be alive today. If he doesn't want help & his drinking has truly taken a toll on the relationship, I would give him the ultimatum of you or the sauce. Good luck.
See that's the thing, the fact that he "scheduled" his time to quit until after the NBA finals makes me think he doesn't really realize how much of a problem it is. Makes it sound like he's just like "well my girl is annoyed by it, guess I'll tell her I'll quit in a couple weeks just to appease her". But if she keeps staying with him, he'll have no reason to quit.
Ya know Im all for love, but cmon, who the fuck schedules this. You stop cold turkey. This guys lame, dump his ass. If he loved you he'd be happy to be with you and he wouldn't need to drink.
you're right. the thing is I've already given him loads of chances. . ultimatums are just another way of saying, "here's one more chance for you to fuck me over." I just can't. Thanks for the advice, everyone.