how to deal with a "friend"

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by hiddenmuggle, May 14, 2010.

  1. so I met this guy at school when I went in for tutoring. we talked a little bit about how it's hard to find people our age (I'm 23 and he's 27) in our town who don't have kids. I gave him my number thinking maybe we could strike up a friendship, but it's not going that way. I hardly know him. The two times we've met up he doesn't ever say much. I'm not sure about what sort of person he is, but I'm already on guard merely by the fact that he is in the army. (my ex was in the army and it was a very bad relationship and quite honestly out of that two year relationship, I only met one person actually enlisted in the army that I didn't totally clash with.)
    I've made it very clear that I don't want a boyfriend or anything close to it right now, yet when I talk to him, he always works in hints about what he wants in a relationship. Anytime I try to friendly text him and see how things are, he tries to get me to come to his house to watch a movie.
    I don't really know this guy. From all indicators that I've gotten from him, he doesn't want to be just friends. Those two factors makes me very very hesitant to want to go to his house alone.
    How do I kindly tell him that I don't know or trust him enough to be alone with him? How do I get him to stop dropping hints about relationships? How do I get him to say something other than "I should do a deployment soon so I don't have to worry about leaving a girlfriend behind" and "you should come over, I have a flat screen HDTV"?
  2. Well, if you don't talk to him at all, I bet he won't say either of those.
  3. Just be straight up with him.. hes a man.. in the military.. he can take some harsh words.

    Tell him that theres no chance of a relationship with you right now.. and until he opens up to you and you get to know him better youre not gunna just go over and watch a movie with him.
  4. I don't want to be a bitch though!
  5. There are two ways for this to end:
    1: You tell him you aren't looking for a relationship, only a friendship. He is cool with that and says ok thats fine and doesn't want to talk to you anymore.

    2: You tell him you aren't looking for a relationship, only a friendship. He feels hurt because he thought you were coming onto him when you gave him your number, and doesn't want to talk to you anymore.

    I'm sorry but when he is already hoping to be more than friends with you, he won't be interested in seeing you anymore when you say you only want to be friends.
  6. Yeah, I tried a nonconfrontational approach and texted him
    "Maybe we can find a movie in theaters to go to this week. Maybe get a group together."
    and he replied
    "not much for groups,... thanks tho"
    and hasn't said a word since. I've made it very clear that I don't want a boyfriend and further more, I want nothing to do with the army life again! I don't know how he misinterpreted that for "please take me to your place"
  7. There probably isn't anything you could do... He just seems to not get the clue... Its not till you're a little more blunt where dudes like that back off.. And he'll prolly talk shit about you... But that's ok cuz he doesn't even know you so he's probably wrong... And it only shows his immaturity... Do you want a guy that isn't responsive to hints?? Do you want any relationship like that? Don't worry bout the guy, he's got a couple years more thinking to do... Now on your end, you shouldn't have given the guy your number... I know through experience that when you get a girls number, it really doesn't mean shit cuz it can go so many ways.. But not all dudes know this...
  8. yeah all I wanted was a friend. When we first met and were talking, what we were talking about is the demographics in our town and how hard they make it to make friends. only like 11% of our population is made up of the 18-30 age range and a majority of that 11% are married and/or have kids. Kids are cool and all, but they tend to make it really hard to make a solid friendship. so this was just a ridiculous waste of time. I give up on the whole friendship thing!
  9. can guys and girls really be "friends". I know I could only be friends with a girl that I wasn't attracted to at all or else i'd always think about dating her.
  10. This. Unless you have a girl.
  11. yeah and then his girl thinks you're trying to steal him and you get a cat fight.
  12. im getting that rape vibe. cease contact.
  13. Umm if you don't like him and think he's creepy and know he wants a relationship, stop talking to him. What is he offering you that's causing you to stick around and text him to check up? I understand there may not be many people in your town but being alone is better than fighting off some weird dude you're not feelin.
  14. This right here. Its really hard to be friends with a chick who just wants to be friends.
  15. #15 Yummybud20, May 15, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2010
    i still keep on contact with a girl I went on 2 dates with over a year ago.

    she rejected me but I never really even liked her so being friends didn't bother me.

    now i'm not attracted to her at all and don't want to date her so being friends is cool.

    thing is she is really weird. she texted me a few weeks ago saying haven't seen you in such a long time lets get together for coffee and I said i'm busy now cus I was.

    now I texted her saying lets get together and she replied saying sorry i'm too busy now wtf. and she hasn't contacted me since.

    I don't really care but people are weird. like she got offended or pissed at me.

    my sister's best friend is a guy but he is gay.

    so if he wants to date you, he likes you, and he won't want to be friends. that'll never work. if you're just friends he'll always have hope that you'll end up dating.

    if a girl I liked told me lets just be friends I wouldn't want to be friends with her or see her anymore because it would hurt my feelings lol and i'd still have feelings for her.

    how could you be friends, would you guys go shopping and tell him about this hot guy you are thinking about dating and act like he is your girlfriend.
  16. He sounds creepy.
    I dunno, I definitely wouldn't go over to his place alone. You could always take a friend with you. Or you could could make up a long-distance relationship that you are completely loyal to. Or you could just ask a guy friend to pretend to be your "new guy". Either way, this guy is most likely going to be upset and/or angry. You could also just ignore his come-ons, or "come out" to him and such.
    Guys and girls can be friends. One of my best friends growing up was a guy, my next door neighbor. It's harder as adults, but it's still possible.
    I had something like this happen to me. A friend asked me to go on a date with a friend of the family, and dude tried to get me to move in after 1 date. Like, went out and bought girl stuff for his house and told me I should stay with him because my apt didn't have ac. When I stopped talking to him (ie: ran for the mfing hills), after like 2 weeks, he texted me and was all "It's over!" lol. And then he started calling me and asking me to come over and help him with his computer, or to watch a movie, etc... and he was always creepy about it.
  17. dude, that's really kinda a degrading comment. Do you seriously think that women have no depth outside of shopping and talking about hot guys? I'm looking for someone (male or female) who enjoys hiking, watching movies, who has the capability for intelligent conversation and enjoys learning. I don't shop, I'm too poor. and I really don't care about dating anyone right now, so talking about "that super cute guy" isn't really part of my life right now as is the same for countless other women.

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