How to cope with a death.

Discussion in 'General' started by SmokeandToke, Oct 28, 2008.

  1. Well here's a little background on what I am about to talk about.

    RIP Adam Michael Thimyan, I love you man

    http://www.sptimes.com/2004/04/06/Hillsborough/Foster_child_s_shooti.shtml

    That is the article of what happened to my best friend.

    As you can tell its been about 4 years now, he would have just turned 22 man, he would have been going somewhere with his life, but foster care pressures and his douche bag of an abusive father made him hate his life.

    This was no accident, I know it wasn't because Adam asked me "Will I go to hell if I commit suicide?" I said "I don't know man, I think you might". He then made his brother shoot him, in what his brother was told to be an accident, but I know the truth because Adam was contemplating suicide and didn't want to go to hell, and also his little brother told me "He made me shoot him, he said you have 10 seconds to pull that trigger before I load it and put a bullet in your head".

    He told his little brother is wasn't loaded and he just wanted to see if his brother had the balls to pull the trigger. He did, and it was fatal

    I don't know how to cope with this man, everyday I miss him, I think about him constantly, everything I do reminds me of him, I write music because he did and I wanted to carry on his legacy. It burns a hole inside me and I don't know what the fuck to do, my head is a mess right now I don't even know if I even made sense.

    I just want you guys to know, if you are contemplating suicide, think about what you leave behind man.
     
  2. There's nothing you can do, whats done is done.
    take care of yourself.
     
  3. I hear ya man, death is a terrible thing to happen to anyone. My dad passed away at age 47 a couple months ago (i just turned 19 yesterday). It's very hard and sometimes your emotions will spike. But really just try and remember that if they lived a good life, they are probably in a better place. Anywhere he is from where lived has to be better. There's no more pain, no suffering, harassment or etc.... I know it sounds terrible but he is in better conditions now than he was. Also my condolences to you and anyone else this man's life affected. Post up if you need anything bud.
     
  4. SmokeandToke: I can only imagine what your going through. Now look, I'm gonna switch into professional mode now. I'm a funeral director so I have A LOT of experience with grief.

    First of all, no matter what any one else says, you have the right to grieve. People will say "just move on with it" or "How do you think his foster parents feel" or so on and so on. People especially belittle the grief friends feel compared to family. For some reason, whenerver we do a funeral and a guy's friend of 70+ years shows up, no one pays much mind to hime even though he's known the deceased since kindergarten. This always bothers me cause I got one friend that I've been best friends with since 3rd grade. My borther got married and moved away, I got married a few months ago, but there's always been one constant. My friend. In many many ways I'm closer to him than I am my brother. If something happened to Mike, it'd haunt me forever. There's no denying the grief in your case either. You're going to hurt. For years. And its ok despite what anybody else tells you.

    Second of all, its ok if you gewt angry with him over it. Grief isn't just the loss of a friend or relative its the loss over potential. What could you have done together? Gone to college together? Could he have been your best man when you get married? Its not only the loss of him but all these times that could have come that you mourn. Its also the loss of the good times you did share that could never come again.

    Particularly in suicide or accidental deaths like this, there is a lot of anger over what the person did as well as a need for us to put purpose on the death. Notice how many parents that lose children to suicide or accidental deaths always find causes to become active in? This helps them put a cause to their child's death; and a purpose. It's like a "atleast some good will come of it." You mentioned music. What about writing music with this as motivation? Create something that you love in his memory. This will help bring something of him back to the tangible world again.

    I could go on and on, but I'm gonna leave it at this. Google "tasks of grieving." Several books and articles will come up William Worden. These books are good sources for understanding the grief process. Read them, don't read them, up to you. The books are kinda more txt readings for students in psycology courses, death and dying courses, and ofcourse, funeral directing. But there is a lot of good info in there. I would however suggest foing a lot of research into the tasks of grief. I think this is a good place to start. Please feel free to pm me with any questions, concerns, or just to vent. I'm here for ya friend....
     
  5. Shit dude, imaqgine the emtional stress his bro is feeling. He made his little brother kill him. Thats some fucked up shit to do. It's also selfish as fuck to ruin your little brothers life just so you dont "go to hell". Being that there is no hell like hell on earth, he ruined his brother for nothing. Another fucked up case of religion fucking the world up.
     
  6. Yup, sorry for your loss. Suicide is the cowards way out, it makes all the people around you suffer a ton while it was just a final decision for you.

    A very selfish way to go. It seems like your friend had some problems (telling his brother he has 10 seconds or else he goes) that people could have helped, but it's too late.

    Sorry for you loss.
     
  7. It is fucked up what happened and that his bro made him do it, but when someone is like that, they are sick. I mean that in the ill kinda way and need help. I remember this one case we had a few years back. This 55 year old guy started hearing voices and shit. He was a truly beloved member of our community. He practically did everything in the church from repairs to volunteer work. He had a daughter, a wife, and two really young grandkids. H eosught help when the voices came, but got little. Even his family didn't understand what he was going through. They didn't understand that he was sick. He hung himself. The preacher's wife (his best friends) found him. We had the funeral service in the church and it was insane. I think the whole damned town showed up. for evening visitation we had like 600 - 700 people show up at each visitation.

    I still see his family out and about, sometimes at the funeral home (I love his mother, she's a sweetheart), and one time I was talking to his brother about it all and how he was doing now a year or two later. He said, "people keep telling me he was going to hell cause of what he did and that, and I say that's bullshit because my brother didn't kill himself. He never would have done that. His demons killed him." Deep depression is an illness. You don't consider you actions. I don't blame the suicide people for what they did most of the time because of this. they were sick. Its just terrible they didn't get the help they needed.
     
  8. Im sorry he felt the need to kill himself (or have someone do it), but making his little brother do it like that for him is probably the most selfish thing I have ever heard of.
     
  9. i know hes your friend and you miss him, and what happened to him (abused, ect) is horrible. but what he did to his brother is 20x a horrible and as a younger brother i would probably be fucked up for life had my older bro done that to me.

    that being said, sorry for your loss and sorry its so hard to move on...i dont know how that feels
     
  10. Yes, thank you all for responding, and I have been watching over his little brother ever since, he is 16 now and he is at the state where Adam was and he's going in the same direction and it is killing me to watch it, there is nothing that can be done except tell his foster parents.
     
  11. If my brother made me shoot him dead, I'd prolly end up contemplating suicide too... Its good of you to watch over him though
     
  12. I feel like its what I have to do, like that's what Adam wants me to do, because his other brother went into the Army, got honorable discharge for mental illness and turned into a crack head.
     

  13. Ya man keep after him. Do what ya gotta do to protect him.
     

  14. First off I'm the brother that joined the Army....I was never a fucking crack head....My thing was cocaine and I only did that cuz I was extremely depressed about Adam....And I stopped doing coke in 2010 to turn my life around....And I was there when Adam died....He never told Jusin that he would kill him if he didn't pull the trigger....He did call Justin a pussy though and that's why Justin pulled the trigger (Not knowing it was loaded)....And now I'm going through more shit cuz now Justin's dead....He died August 4, 2012 by hanging himself in the closet....There's more to this shit than everyone thinks....other shit happened that day on April 3, 2004 than what everyone was led to believe and that's a secret NO ONE will ever fucking know....
     
  15. Whoa wtf! Troll..?!??! Or epic thread
     
  16. #16 PackItIn, Sep 18, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: Sep 18, 2012
    I am very sorry, this makes me sad. I thought I was depressed, always worrying about the day my mum will eventually die, seeing she's all I've ever had. But dude, if you're legit this has got to be heartbreaking. I'm not very good at handling grief to be honest..
     
  17. Chill out zone?
     
  18. Don't think back and say "Wow, what a horrible death." You have to think back and say "Wow, what a wonderful life i had with him."
    You have to celebrate his life, not dwell on his death. If you were really close friends, do you think he would want you to be depressed and dwelling on this? He'd probably want you to go on living and get in as much as you can. You know, live it up for the both of you. My heart goes out to you and his family but the cold hard truth is.. you just gotta move on. Don't forget about him, but get on with your life.
    R.I.P.
     
  19. Remember. Suicide is an infinite solution to a finite problem. It's not the right thing to do in all situations. But trust me, i've been there. I've even planned out a good way to do it. But what stopped me when i was a moody teenager and what stops me when i think about it now as an adult, i have someone in my life that i really can't leave. This person needs me, and i need them. So i can't justify killing myself because my person will be left alone. And i can't do that to him
     

  20. did everybody just read over this?

    crazy.

    heavy shit, man
     
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