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How to beat the urine drug test!

Discussion in 'Apprentice Marijuana Consumption' started by theglassshroom, May 15, 2012.

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  1. #1 theglassshroom, May 15, 2012
    Okay, boys and girls. I know everyone out there who has a job or prospective job that drug tests, or is in some other way obliged to take them, has wondered if there's any way to beat a drug test. Everyone has heard different methods ranging from detox kits, to gelatin packets in gatorade, to drinking copious amounts of water. I am here to give you the big secret on cheating a drug test. Ready? Here it is.

    The way to beat a drug test is......







    YOU CAN'T!

    Thats right. You can't. I know there are people that are gonna say, "Well, I knew so and so who took fruit pectin and niacin, and drank a lake's worth of water every day, and he passed because it coated his kidneys-" or "I took a detox drink, and I passed."

    Okay, well here's the simple truth. You were already clean. Let's have a little physiology lesson. For those of you out there who believe the trick is to take something that can coat your kidneys so the THC-byproduct won't show, you are horribly misinformed. You cant coat your kidneys. It's impossible. Your kidneys filter wastes and extra water from the blood, then the excess fluid and the wastes are then filtered through the nephrons, which drains down into the collection ducts, into the renal pelvis, into the ureters, and into the bladder for disposal. Notice before I said filter. What happens if you coat a filter with something? You no longer have a filter. Therefore, if it even were possible to coat your kidneys, you would soon go into renal failure due to them not being able to process things correctly. Now, I could go more in depth on that subject, but it's best to keep things simple.

    Ok, next one. Drinking shit loads of water will dilute the urine and make the THC-byproduct undetectable. Ok, There are a few problems with this. One, THC is not a water-soluble agent. Anyone who has ever cooked with cannabis knows this. Two, in the instance of highly-diluted urine, most tests of any merit will show invalid, causing them to test again, or in the case of lab-run testing, they will still be able to detect the by-product by spectrometry and gas chromatography.

    Now speaking of labs and what not, these people are NOT, I repeat, NOT stupid. They have seen every trick in the book. All of the "cheat" methods that people use at home, and all of the products on the market, they are able to detect in the lab, and that, my friends, will be an automatic failure for you. So please quit wasting your money on detox kits.

    Exercise. Will it help? This is a very cloudy area. In some ways, it will if you're doing it correctly and burning fat, but in some ways it won't because you will always have body fat, and we all know where that THC-byproduct hides.


    Now let's talk about how to be sure you'll be clean when the time comes. This isn't a cut and dry thing. Metabolism plays the biggest roll in this, but there are other factors too, like your height, your weight, your body fat percentage (sometimes), your specific genetic makeup, how often you smoke, consume, vape, etc, how much cannabis you use and the THC content of it,.... so many things. Really, the way I've done it is to stop smoking at some point, to buy a bunch of drug tests, and test myself daily, then figure out how long it takes me to piss clean. Then I will buy a very sensitive drug test to make sure I come up clean on that, too. Even that isn't cut and dry though, if you don't have a mainstay strain of cannabis. If you jump around to different strains, the variables are endless, but it should at least give you an idea of how long it takes you to be clean.


    This is all risky business. The only way to know you'll be clean, is if you're in the position of having to take drug tests, quit smoking, or smoke every once in a while so the time to being clean will drastically drop. Drug tests are made quite well these days, so unless someone can develop a fat-soluble agent that can dismantle the THC-byproduct, there is no way to cheat the system.

    On a side note, as you can tell by reading all of this, I'm rather scatter-brained at the moment, but not all hope is lost. Many employers out there will throw away the test before even reading it, if they see you agree to, and perform a test without hesitation and you don't act suspicious. Also, low-budget testing usually only has a 7 day window, or a 75-50ng/ml cut-off limit, so you should be fine within a short period of time, unless they have a more sensitive test. God-forbid you have to go to a lab for the test, in which you could be hot for 3 months by urine alone.

    I hope this helps, legalize everywhere, and everyone have a very stony day. :smoke:
     
  2. #2 glasslover420, May 15, 2012
    lolwut
     
  3. #3 Friendlybear, May 15, 2012
    synthetic urine is the way to go
     
  4. #4 theVirtuoso, May 15, 2012
    ^ this

    You're right in that the diluting, detox drinks, etc don't work, but synthetic urine works.
     
  5. #5 frankenfish, May 15, 2012
    its a common misconception that thc isnt water soluble, it is. it just has very low solubility.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  6. #6 IDKidea, May 15, 2012
    Last edited by a moderator: May 15, 2012
    In case anyone didn't want to read through the whole first post: You can pass drug tests using reputable masks and detox drinks, and labs aren't as thorough as we all think they are, but if you fail because you didn't want to stop smoking for a while, or were stupid and took huge bong rips last weekend with your friends, then you are screwed, so it's risk/reward.
     
  7. #7 MajorStoner, May 15, 2012
    You can in fact dilute your piss by drinking a lot (like 32-64oz+) of liquid 2-3 hours before the test. This doesn't flush your system or anything, it just means you're pissing water.

    Depending on where you're taking a test this could cause them to fail you or retest you but it's just as likely that they wouldn't care.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  8. #8 theglassshroom, May 15, 2012
    I used to work for an EMS system that sent us to labs to do our drug tests. They said they could pick up synthetic urine among many other things including detox kits of all kinds, increases in B12, (niacin) and all sorts of other things. As for diluting urine, the reason I say it will make you pop hot, is because they also look at the amount of urate in the urine, and if it's unusually low, as in the case of someone intentionally diluting, they will either flag it as a failure, or make you take the test again. Even so, chromatography and spectrometry can see through about anything. Synthetics are also hard to get away with because even taped to your leg, or whatever, they don't have the right amount of heat for the time it would've been out of your body.
     
  9. #9 bongsin, May 16, 2012
    it is true that you cannot beat a LAB test. Unless you have synthetic/clean urine at the right temp. it is doable. for dipstick tests, drink a few bottles of water and you will be just about instantly clean for like 3 pisses.
     
  10. #10 theglassshroom, May 16, 2012

    It is highly unlikely. All the labs Ive been sent to can detect synthetic urine. Clean urine, yes, I suppose its possible, but you'd have to get a fresh sample RIGHT before going to take the test, because besides temp, they look at consistency. That doesn't leave you with a good shot. As far as cheap litmus tests, it's possible, but my main shoot was towards people who work for, or are going to work for companies that use more sophisticated testing, and for those involved in court issues.
     
  11. #11 cronbud, Dec 19, 2012
    Alright, I had to add my reply to correct some of your info, you had a good start in your previous paragraph about coating your kidneys etc but your paragraph about deluting urine - quoted above - is wrong my friend..

    Yes, THC metabolite is not water soluble but who cares about that?? it is in urine regardless whether it is soluble or not, here is a very simple example explaining how deluting can work if your THC metabolite concentration is close to the 50ng/ml cut off limit..

    Assume without deluting, your kidneys filter 5 drops of THC metabolite "oil" into your urine per 100ml of urine per hour, and with deluting with water your kidneys still filter the same amout of THC oil per hour but now more water bc you increased your water intake, say per 5 drops of THC per 200ml per hour now, so by doing this you are decreasing the concentration of THC metabolite in your urine, regardless whether it is water soluble or not.

    As for how labs test for people who delute, you CAN overcome that by doing 2 simple things:
    1. Since one of their checks is the color of your urine, simply eat some asparagus 1-3 hours prior to your test and your urine will have the yellow color to it
    2. The main check for delution is the concentration of creatinine in your urine, to overcome that you need to take some creatine as many days as possible prior to your test, avoid taking it the day of bc it takes a while for it to go through your muscles and then get exerted to your kidneys through your blood so it wont help much and it may look suspecious if your creatine levels are too high, but you can always say that you take it for post work out if it gets brought up.

    Still, this doesnt mean you can always beat the urine test, it all has to do with how many days you stop smoking/ingesting along with the many other factors that affect it.

    Goodluck fellow tokers, and hopefully we wont have to deal with this employment drug screen shit for THC sometime soon!!
     
  12. #12 jabush27, Jan 12, 2013
    I have been on probation off and on since 95. I have leaned the hard way how to pass, because I don't believe I should be told what I can and can't do. I smoke 3 weeks out of the month I quit 6 days before test. I quit taking opiates 2 days before test. I eat plenty of fiber because it helpls the body get rid of the thc, the day before. The days before that I eat plenty of meat and protien. The day of the test drink several glasses of water. One hour before the test I take 80 mgs. of Lasix,(flourisimide) this is a prescription diretic. It slows down the kidneys that produce the metabolites that cause you to show up hot. If you have trouble tracking down lasix just go to an online pharmacy. I order it all the time from a canadian pharmacy. Very cheap. If you can't get lasix drink a lot of coffee in the morning then a gallon of water. Exercise helps a lot too. Especially with the opiates. If you urinate about ten to twelve times before the test you should be good. Take a few b-2 vitamins to give your urine color. Some people will say that the lack of color will make the test not count. This is not true. My piss is always clear. What are they gonna do. All you have to say is you drank a lot of water so you could piss. Never failed and never had a problem. Don't take my word for it. You can buy home drug test kits online for next to nothing so test yourself and that way you will know how long it takes. Good luck to all.
     
  13. #13 jabush27, Jan 12, 2013
    I strongly disagree with glassshroom. I mean do you really believe that athletes havent figured out how to beat these things? The trick is Lasix. DOn't trust me. Buy a home test kit before your test. This is the only way to know. People have different metabolisms. Lance Armstrong passed tests, yet he was cheating with steroids. I have passed drug tests for years. I smoke and take pain pills. I get sick when I go without. I have passed in one day with opiates. Five with pot. I try to quit for a week though. I am glad you are trying to detour people from using though. U Rock
     
  14. #14 jabush27, Jan 12, 2013
    Cron bud is right on. Good thinking. I think you are like me, trial and error learning. Thanks for the useful info
     
  15. #15 stevizzy, Jan 18, 2013
    Eating asparagus to make your dilute urine yellow is a joke. They can and will do a creatine level test along with any serious urine test to determine if the urine is diluted, yellow or not. People are fooling themselves thinking you can beat a urine test.

    Some of my friends who have said they beat the test might have just had a lucky day and the employer didn't care about THC in the urine. Unless you work for the Pentagon or a DOT check, employers nowdays are having a hard time finding ANYONE who is clean of THC. They are likely to overlook the test so don't kid yourself into thinking you "passed" by using any stupid method people are mentioning here.

    The ONLY WAY TO PASS a real, DOT or government urine test for THC is to be clean or use clean urine, not synthetic.
     
  16. #16 Yosh139, Jan 18, 2013
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 18, 2013
    I agree with Chron1c Blunt here, you can pass them if they test for the bi products of creatine.

    Maybe coating the kidneys isn't a good way to put it. You basically dump a whole bunch of creatine in your system, and when you dilute your urine you will still have levels of creatine in your urine even if you're peeing liquid basically.

    No, it isn't. But that doesn't stop it from being in your urine, as you even said yourself. How would the bi products of THC go out of your system, shitting? This would render urine tests useless, and they would test your shit instead.

    But no, THC-A is still found in your system, and comes out in many different ways, lots of which are liquid-based (sweating, urine, spit), which is why dumping a whole bunch of water and creatine into your system works.
     
  17. #17 paleolith, Jan 28, 2013
    The only way to beat a urinalysis is to not pee.
     
  18. #18 Barack_OGanja, Jan 28, 2013
    Just g et some fake piss for $20
     
  19. #19 rotch69, Jan 28, 2013
    So basically, there is no full-proof way to cheat a drug test? I'm surprised this day & age there still isn't a 100% guarantee , with everything we know. I am a heavy smoker and can't imagine quiting smoking to get a NeW better job...is there no hope?
     
  20. #20 TheBigBadaBoom, Jan 28, 2013
    It's 2013. You can't beat science unless it's a shity home test.
     
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