quasi-rant mode: ON! I have an urge to do...or create. I get my keyboard out, or my bass guitar and I try. But nothing comes out that's inspiring. Horrible dissatisfaction! I try my calculus homework. Hard problem...scribble scribble. Fuck! I don't get it! Bad grade. Horrible dissatisfaction! I want to go backpacking and smoke some weed in the woods...but what about school, homework, work? Fuck!! Horrible Dissatisfaction! Where's the balance??? balance, balance, balance. Should I smoke myself into bliss or be clear headed enough to get decent grades. Should I spend spare time learning an art form or spend that time reading and learning about the nature of the universe? both?!?! probably. Where should I draw the line? Why do I do things that I know will make me feel dissatisfied? Fucking World of Warcraft! I hope you get hit by an asteroid! I'm being mind controlled to live a certain way! Fuck! Wear this. NO! Wear that. Oh ok... Look at me! I'm unique!...wait, no I'm not...Fuck! Horrible Dissatisfaction! Where do YOU draw the line? How do you keep yourself satisfied on a daily basis? Nothing to say?? then just let this thread fade away I must go to work where it's not cool to play where I have "betters" and I must listen to what they say you want a sandwich? Fine!! Now go the FUCK away! I'm hoping for some action or just to find a little traction But damnit... All I have is this bloody dissatisfaction
Do what you must first. Then do what you want. Even if that is just slouching around getting high with a clear conscience. Like I have done the last 5 days off work A bit of slouching here and a bit of slouching there. It soon builds up to genuine wonderful peaceful lazyness, uh, appreciation of life.
Bottom line, you are in control of your own destiny. Don't let video games and mental barriers get in the way of your hopes and aspirations. Don't blame outside influences for your actions, and most of all go out and do what makes you happy man. Your mind is more powerfull than you know, if something is to change you must will it to do so.
When in doubt, fuck it. For the time being, life's short. Don't worry, be happy. Or be cynical. That's always fun.
Live life with pure intentions, compassion, alittle bit of the eight fold path mixed in with a dash of fun.