how it all started for me

ok I'll let you know right now I type really sloppy so bare with me.

Well the first time i smoked was in the 6th grade with my friend who was in 9th grade. OMG i was so ripped it was unbelievable. I ran straight into my front door which was completley closed, i was completely oblivious as to what was going on around me. simply amazing.

Anyway I didn't do it after taht for a long time 10th grade I think, but i don't really remember it that well cuz i was drinking (yaya underage drinking bad but w/e) But at the end of my Junior year is when i started smoking more, just occasionally though, but i bought my own piece. I went to summer school at MHCC ( the community college) and we went to this pond thing before class and would smoke. Made class worth going to. lol the first bag i bought i found out later that i got like a 1/4 of what i should have got. but what did i know i was new to smoking.

Ok that summer i moved in with my dad and i had just got my first car. About a month later we were coming back from the river and i went around a blind corner alittle to fast and we went off the road, hit a rock and rolled. I had 4 of my friends in the car. Yes I know i'm a fucking idiot i know. Anyway everyone was ok nobody was hurt no even scratches. I get home and my Dad was more worried aboot the car than me, sad isn't it? My mom had the same thoughts as my father.

The crash sent me into " the great depression" as i have officially named it. so i started smoking alot because that was the only thing that would stop making me think about killing myself. It was pretty bad everything i looked at i thought of ways to kill myself with it. Nobody else knew how i felt or noticed anything diffferent cuz i would hide it. Finally my friend Isaiah talked to me cuz he use to do the same thing until he got counseling (his reason was different but w/e) Anyway he and I became good friends. He kinda counsels me when i have problems, he has wisdom beyond his years because of his father.

Smoking to me brings relaxation and bliss to my life rather than the anger and hate that i normally have when i'm not high. I could be raging about something, smoke, and completely forget about what i was angry about and not even worry about it. Whenever i feel sad i just smoke a little and i'm fine. I really want to tell my parents about everything but i know they would just get pissed that i didn't tell them i was depressed and probably get kicked out of my house (step mom is Catholic) My mom knows i'm sure of it and doesn't really care. But idk.

I guess thats how i started and why i smoke. Sorry if its all rambling and shit, I'm grillin' pretty hard, and when i do I have about a million thoughts racing through my brain. This was hard to type cuz i couldn't really focus on this one subject in my head. just thought i would get this out there. delete this thread if you wish.