How do I get space in a relationship?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by cas1337, May 11, 2010.

  1. I don't even know how to begin this. If I try to notate every detail in the relationship, I'd be here for days. I don't expect anyone to be able to give perfect advice since you cannot possibly know the whole story, but let me give you some background information.

    My girlfriend and I have been together for almost three years now, beginning in High School and lasting into College. We don't go to the same school, but we're within an hour away, so it's not too much of an object. I love her, but I feel almost deprived of a period of zero accountability in life. I don't want to have sexual relationships with other people. I just want to be able to do what I want, when I want, without letting anyone know where I am, or where I'll be going or for how long. I don't want to disappear for days on end, or even overnight, and I'm not a huge party goer. I just want to be able to hang out with friends here and there, maybe watch a movie till 2am while smoking or something.

    How do I get some space without ending the relationship?:confused:
  2. Are you saying that she constantly wants to know where you are, who you're with, what you're doing? Or is she with you all the time?
    Speak to her, tell her you love her, but you need some of your own time occasionally.
  3. #3 cas1337, May 11, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2010
    I go to see her every weekend. Because of the distance, I usually end up staying for the weekend. I have to see her friends, stay in her place and I feel like I've missed out on some of the best years of my life when I could have been developing friendships and hanging out. Not that I couldn't make friends with her around, and not that I regret spending that time with her. I just wish I could leave that in the past and change things from here on out. But at the same time I feel like someone is going to read this and say "If you don't want to spend your time with her you don't really love her" or some bullshit like that. I don't want to be that guy, but I want my space too.
  4. I had the same the problems not to long ago when I was living with my ex, except i was stuck with her 24/7.. No time to myself, everywhere I went she had to go too or she'd throw a fit and shit.

    Your situation isn't that bad, but your feelings are similar to what mine was. So I'll tell you from my experience its gonna start making you go insane. I was in love with this girl, but it got to the point to were I loathed everything about her.

    I eventually broke up with her, because even after I talked to her about it, she couldn't stop her clingy-ness. You might not have to make that choice though. Talk to you girl and tell her how you feel, she will most likely understand.
  5. just pull back and say 'im hangin with friends this weekend, no girlfriends or phones allowed'

    if she doesnt trust you/ wont go for it, i'd say that the relationship has run its course
  6. Thanks! /wave from Dallas
  7. i had the same problem multiple times, im no one to judge but based on what your saying, when you tell her, she's not gonna take it that well. You might need to just need to deal with it or end it. Once you let it get to a certain point with a girl like this, a lot of times there's no going back to that "free space" that you want.

    on the other hand i told a girl i needed my space like this, from the beginning i told her i didnt want a gf. I starting hanging out with my friends more and hooking up with other chicks, the other chicks went away, i wanted some pussy and now we're kickin it again, the way i want. She's happy and so am I.
  8. I'd just say that due to gas prices and some other stuff, you can only afford to hang out for 1 weekend a month for awhile. When you are there, do fun stuff and give attention. When you are not, act normal. If you want to go out, and she calls while you are out... don't take the call. Just hit ignore, text her, and say "I went out with so-and-so to play pool, catch a movie, bbq, etc, and it's really loud. I'll call you tomorrow."
    If she has a problem, it's time to end the relationship. Or sit down and have a serious talk.
    Her reaction depends on the type of female she is. 75% or so of females will automatically jump to a "it's my fault! Must...Get... Clingier!" mentally...
    The rest of us could care less if you hang out with your friends, as we also have stuff to do.
    Personal time, guy time, girl time, etc... time to unwind... is very important. If she doesn't get that, then she is too insecure to have a relationship with.

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