How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples:

Discussion in 'Grasscity Forum Humor' started by Superjoint, Jun 9, 2002.

  1. -> "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."
    -> "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."
    -> "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."
    -> "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet."
    -> "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."
    -> "I am a rabid typist."
    -> "Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."
    -> "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."
    -> "Proven ability to track down and correct erors."
    -> "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far."
    -> "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."
    -> "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."
    -> "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer."
    -> "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."
    -> "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteroology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."
    -> "I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."
    -> "I am loyal to my employer at all costs ..Please feel free to resond to my resume on my office voicemail."
    -> "Qualifications: No education or experience."
    -> "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."
    -> "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."
    -> "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"
    -> Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
  2. Lol !! Really funny, how a few "typo's" can change the meaning of a statement!! :D
  3. 15 gallons so far!?

    "Ah, 5 gallons short of this companys expectations, you can see yourself out...BRING IN THAT PARANOID ONE...!"
  4. jay leno does a bit with that stuff on his show, its pretty funny.peace.

  5. Yeah Ive see is funny. Hes got books out too. Real funny.

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