My name is Diane, I'm 32 years old and I I live in California where marijuana was recently legalized. I started using marijuana in April of this year after seeing a 420 ad about get nugg. I have struggled with schizophrenia and chronic depression since I was 14 and had been heavily medication from 1998-2012. My parents have both been through hell and back with me in and out of the hospital most of my life, harming myself, etc. They are very protective of me. Though my father is exponentially more protective. To a fault even. I live with my father because both of my parents agreed that my schizophrenia was so severe that I had to live with one of them my whole life and once they died I would probably get placed with other relatives or some nice little home for old people. My dad said that he wanted to make sure the house was paid for so I would always have some place to live just in case. Well, long story short, I got tired of living that way. I got tired of being told I was sick and had to be taken care of, I was damn tired of people telling me I couldn't do this or that. I can vote, I can drive, my mind may feel fragmented at times but it works. I weaned myself off all medication against medical advice in 2012 and haven't taken meds ever since. I changed my diet around, became vegan and things got better. But eventually the pink cloud wore off and I couldn't ignore my symptoms anymore. I have a fiance now and we want our own home someday but on SSI that's gonna be hard. This year I decided to give medical marijuana a try. I started out with only edibles but now I mainly vape, or take capsules, drinks or other edibles. My father and my mother have both really noticed a big difference in me since I started taking medicinal marijuana. My dad is very happy with how much I've improved. The other day he said almost beaming that it felt like I was normal again. His little girl was back. I'm not depressed anymore, I have lots more energy to get things done around the house and focus on my writing and my art. I use a sativa vape pen in the morning (Suicide Girls- Hustle- My fave) I don't get upset over little things anymore though I still get peeved at the big things...like my dad letting my cat out for the 5th time in one day and then saying "Oh no, Diane, he's gone too far, I can't go after him!!!!!!" While he's still on the porch. LMAO!) Or my dad putting my electric kettle on the stove to boil water. LMAO. Ha ha ha! My fiance says that he's noticed a very positive change as well and he's very happy that I have this available to me. The reason I only choose vaping, edibles, drinks, capsules and tinctures is because they are the most discreet options. Most vape cartridges don't smell too strongly of weed but because my entire family knows me as the vape chick because I used to run my own line of eliquids called Rebel Grrl Vapor. So after I take a drag of the thc vape pen, I'll take a bigger drag of my vape mod so it smells like caramel. I carry clear eyes in my pockets at all times and I won't even throw away empty edibles packages at home because my dad might find them. When they're empty I place the empty package in my purse and the next time I go out I throw it in a public trash can making sure to remove any personal information that may be on the label or bag. I don't smoke flower or dab because the smell is too hard to conceal in our house. I'm worried that if my family finds out how I've improved so much without "medications" like Risperdal, Saphris, Thorazine, Lithium, etc, etc, etc "ad infinitum" they would be disappointed. I'm afraid I would go back to being the pariah I felt like before. I'm afraid my father would never accept it and would be disappointed. But I have gotten so much better that I feel I can and should go back to college. I was always a straight A college student and I already have 3 semesters worth of classes completed. I would love to finally go back to school and then do all the things everybody said I wouldn't ever get to do because I'm mentally ill like to go college, get a degree, transfer to university, have a career I love, marry my fiance and have a nice little home for us where we can have all my pets. 1 cat, 2 dogs, 1 amazon parrot, 5 fish...and a rodent infestation....All the normal things. Everybody says I'm a new person, so much improved and they love the changes. I show up to family functions and I'm happy and grateful to be there and belong. I'm just afraid that if my mom or dad find out they may call my old doctor and have him evaluate me for a hold. The worst part is it will be done out of love and concern for me so I wouldn't even be able to get upset at them. They love me enough to do what they feel they need to, even if I get angry or don't see it's for my benefit. The thing is that I'm not self harming. I'm better than I've been in years and I just wish I could be honest. I hate not telling my parents things like this. Please don't tell me I'm a grown ass woman and my parents shouldn't get to tell me what to do anymore. I love and respect both of my parents and they have already gone through so much for, with and because of me. It would be disrespectful of me to carry on as though how they felt didn't matter. My mother who is the best damn ICU nurse I've ever known has had to bring me back from the brink of death more than once. Narcan administered just in time. I should be penniless on the street without a name but my parents would never give up on me. This short story just keeps getting longer and longer. It's late. I'm up late working on a project. Almost done I promise... Do any of you struggle with guilt regarding your use of medicinal or recreational marijuana? Do any of you have family, significant others, or friends who would be upset if they knew you use medicinal or recreational marijuana. Should I feel bad about hiding my use? My fiance says no because it's doing me so much good. My cousin even let me babysit her 7 month old son. When she asked me I looked around even though I was the only other person in the room. It was so nice. Her son and I had a great time, playing while my cousin went to the store for some mommy time. It was really nice. I wasn't high when I was taking care of the baby but the positive effects seem to last long after the psychoactive effects wear off. Everyone treats me like I'm normal again and it's so nice. I know a few of them are waiting for my next episode, hospitalization, intentional overdose, etc, They're dicks in everyones fam. Lol. I just wish I could be open with them about it without risking a huge intervention situation where I'm shipped back to the hospital long term, then rehab, then board and care, then back home. Oh yeah, we did that more than once already and I won't put my parents through that shit again. They love me very much and are usually accepting of things that help but they are both dead set on marijuana being bad bad bad. Reefer madness type shit. What do you guys recommend. Please, please, please be nice. I'm very new to marijuana and still don't know much about anything. Thanks for reading.