lets all admit it, everyones done it, everyone i know does it. Some to a more extreme extent then others. Covering up mistakes, lies, white lies, downplaying things, exaggerating your accomplishments. all these types of ego based decisions. I Made alot of mistakes like everyone else. Not as bad as it could of been, but not to great. Regardless of whatever external factors you cant control, there is always times where you know you could made a better choice, but you didnt. Its always easier to simply downplay things, when your stressed out and dont want to deal with another person nagging you or expressing concern. Sometimes we find ourselves coming up with creative ways to do it, via lies, white lies, etc. various attempts to try and blend in with the social environment. Because we have a desire to fit in, or dont want people to be worried about us, or think less of us, or become angry at us. As much as your afraid of other people thinking less of you, you still beat up on yourself in your mind. maybe your afraid of embarassment or whatever the consequences are. Getting caught wacking off to bukake bbw porn, or whatever thing you would be embarassed about if everyone knew. Because theres a fear of dealing with the negative energy, or people looking down on us, or making fun of us, knowing the truth about you. I think we all know people that take it to the extreme. Its quite sad. Its even sadder when we catch ourselves doing it. point is, you cant spend your whole life pretending to be someone else in order to cover up your own mistakes and insecurities. Whether your trying to leave a good impression for your parents that doesnt actually reflect where your life is currently, or afraid to tell your friend that you fucked up big time. Or maybe something small, like buying some clothes to stand out attractively, even though your a douchebag and you should be spending the money on something more important. the more you do this the more that shit will grow inside you. And from my experience the first step in getting out of any negative pattern, or depression, or whatever it is, you have to confront yourself on all the things your trying to hide from others, and why your doing it. Otherwise those demons will always be in the back of your mind. its very difficult to figure it out sometimes, but it is possible. You have to put your ego aside, examine your bullshit, declare war on it and make peace with it, and then it may be a bit easier to change, take it one thing at a time. You will run out of excuses at some point. Take a close and honest look at all the shit situations around you, its best to not wait around for a miracle you dont deserve. I hope that helped someone.