Here's Why I Hate Apprentice Tokers (A Guide on How to Act - Strange u Need it...)

Kronikkk

1. They constantly talk about weed like it's the only thing to say

This one is common to all new stoners. They get obsessed and instigate weed's consumption of their life. They not only addict themselves to the substance, they addict themselves to conversation regarding the substance.

"Hey dude!"
"Yo what up."
"Oh nothin much, wbout you?"
"Just watchin TV"
"DOOOOOOOD that would be sickkkk if you were high!!!!"
"I am. I'm just not a tool and don't really think about it as much as you do."

Which leads me to my next point

2.They want to do everything while high/believe that being high enhances every action or perception they have

Ok, I can concede a bit to this. Being high does make a lot of things just generally cooler I suppose. But I don't go running around like "HAVE YOU EVER TOOK A SHIT WHILE HIGH???? OMG DUDE U GOTTA TRY ITSS SOOOOOO DANK" Notice also the diction of the apprentice toker is constantly mj-related. Also an extremely annoying habit. I guess what I'm trying to say here is just be chiller about this subject. Seriously, I don't fucking care if you wanna get high to enhance some sort of experience, but by the same token having that douche that's like "Shittt dude we should soooooo blaze beforehand" when you're talking about doing something or some shit like that is just straight up annoying as hell. Being high sure as shit makes a lot of things cool, but idk necessarily if that means they're better. It just gives a new experience, a different experience you don't normally have. But regardless you don't have to be high for everything, and some things are a lot funner while sober than while high.

"Have you ever jumped off a 50-foot cliff high? You should try it it's soooo chill brah."

3. Paranoia

What's that? Did you guys hear something? I swear to God I heard something. Omg car. Omg man walking is dog. OMG TREE!

Stop it. Be chill. No one likes a paranoid smoker. You're literally blowing everyone's buzz and they're most likely not inviting you to the next sesh unless they're just as retarded as you are. This, I believe, is just a matter of manning the hell up. Quit being a whiny little bitch. Seriously. You took the risk to smoke in a public place/cruise and smoke/smoke while your parents are home. YOU accept the fact that you CAN be caught and reconcile with it. It's not a big deal to get caught, just don't do dumb shit next time.

4. Doing Dumb Shit

Yo dude let's go to the park at like three in the morning and light up. Let's take a cruise through the city and spark a j. Let's smack a cop in the face and see what he does.

Don't. You will get caught

5. Getting Ripped Off

I give you 50 dollars, you come back with like a gram.

"Are you serious dude?"
"Well, I don't really know the prices around here, and I'm kinda new to all this, and -"
"Well then ASK SOMEONE. No one said to do this on your own. You've got a wealth of information on marijuana just in your high school alone, not to mention the internet. Ask your friends about it - what are good deals, what aren't. Don't give them the idea you want to buy though because they will want to sell to you which means they will lie to you about prices to rip you off - I don't care how "trustworthy" your lil buddies are. Your dealing with drugs - don't trust anyone. Get the facts, do some research, then get to buying."

There is no excuse for ignorance. Seriously. You have so much around you to aid in your knowledge of marijuana. Use it.

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Santas Spy's Advice For "Apprentice" Tokers

1) Always check for a carb on an unfamiliar piece. Ok the first time people usually need to be taught but when people repeatedly try to burn up my stash without holding the carb on my pipe/bong or whatever it wastes my weed, no one gets high and it makes you seem like a tool. If you dont know where to look for the carb or its a complex piece dont be afraid to ask the owner if theres a carb. (ok this one is a pet peeve not really a rule)

2) Dont be a leech. We all go through dry spells from time to time and its nice to have a friend who will help you out in times of trouble but dont abuse people's generosity. If someone smokes you out its polite to return the favor.

3) Weed is not a lifestyle unless you can make money on it like snoop or cheech and chong. How you choose to incorporate it into your life is your buisness but just cuz you want to try and want to watch 16 candles upsidedown in rewind while your high doesnt mean everyone you can shout out to will think its an awesome idea.

4) Discretion is the better part of valour. Even if weed is 100% legal where you are not everyone is comfortable waiting in line in the grocery store with someone who won't shut up about how much they want to smoke or have just smoked.

5) You dont know nearly as much as you think you do and you still have alot to learn and will never know it all. In my opinion people who have come to this realization are the best kind of smoking partners. I know people who have been smoking for twice as long as ive been alive who cant roll a joint to save their lives but have some of the best toking stories ive ever heard. A wise toker is better than a smart(ass) toker.

6) Learn how to corner a bowl. That doesnt mean you always have to do it but some people get pissed if you just roast up all their dank.

7) Don't rip and run. If you go over for a sesh with someone dont just smoke their bud and bolt, its rude. (ok this one might be a pet peeve too)

Basically just be considerate and most people will enjoy smoking with you.

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GK420's Additions

- new smokers who fill their itunes/phone/whatever with stoner music they don't even like just so they can be like "ya mon, me like marley when me high" (then again, who doesn't like a bit of bob marley?)
- new smokers who act like they get high every day when actually they only do it once or twice a month
- new smokers who want you to think they're stoned as fuck when they're lightly buzzed/not high at all for attention
- when they roll shit joints for the group to smoke. it's like "LEARN TO ROLL IN YOUR OWN TIME AND LET US DO IT FOR NOW!"
- when they don't know how to use a bong and waste weed (I did this the first time I used a bong lol, it was only my second time getting high)
- when they can't hit a joint/blunt properly and waste weed (I did this my first time... I suck, I know)

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And I think that's about it for now. I'll probably edit this with more stuff if it doesn't get deleted by some butthurt mod because I cussed a bit, but I'm literally too lazy to go back and delete every little swear word like I'm some twelve year old that has to watch his mouth in his middle school gym class. And for the record, I wasn't "name-calling" anyone. This is just generally what I think of apprentice tokers, and it's a guide on how they should modify their behavior which is extremely annoying to most actually experienced tokers.

So yeah. There ya go. Lemme know if you got any ideas to add. Peace.

 

No dude I don't hate this forum. This is actually my most visited one. The seasoned tokers forum literally blows. The entire damn thing is made up of the "hot threads" like "WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN HIGH????" and dumb sh*t like that. I hate the seasoned toker forum, but I actually do like this one. It's active with a lot of cool, unique threads that don't really have to be of one breed. So I guess this forum is my favorite on the site.

 

Lovin the backlash I'm getting for this.

Never claimed to be better than anyone, never claimed that I've never done any of this. I'm just tryin to speed up the process for those that do continue to do it so they recognize what it is they're doing.

And I'm not about being "proper." I'm about having a chill high without the disturbances of some kid whiling the hell out/screaming that he's afraid/saying "WE SHOULD WATCH A MOVIE THAT'D BE SO COOL BAKED."

Also half this shit was just really a joke considering half this piece is comedy. But I do want people to read this and actually make the recognition in their brain that "Ohhhh I was being a total dickwad last night" you know? Cuz I feel like it's not even the "apprentice"s fault, they mean well. They're just straight up ignorant to the way that they carry themselves.

 

7. People Who Try to be Clever By Imitating Diction Choice/Syntax Are No Better

Oh and btw, I'm not even angry. Weird that you saw it that way though. It's really interesting all the different takes you can get on a piece of writing. You interpreted it completely incorrectly but still, thanks. It's cool seeing all the different points of view like this.

 

Na different dude. Check his name. He had the same pic as me tho and I was like "Wowwww people are now gonna associate this kid with me."