Day 24 of veg. Plants trained beautifully. All doing wonderful, strong, healthy, and gaining ground quickly. Yet I come into a much much bigger problem. One I've already dealt with, and thought I had done my time for. Here we are 8 years later in the same exact ship. Marriage falling apart, wife threatening to have me locked up. Different wife same shit. They become unhappy and use the one thing you have to use against you. In this case my kids and plants. She's been trying to start a fight for months to which I distance myself. Today she says some fuct up shit I cant let go. Yes I called her a bitch. From that one word, even thou I had been run into the ground for months, that one word to her flipped a switch. She's now threatened to call the police and tell them everything, as well as take my kids from me. FML!!! Now that everything of conviction has been destroyed. I figure start the divorce, and with my life style never have a close personal relationship again. In 5 years when I'm safe or when it comes legal I'll start back up equipment in hand
Ok so I'm subscribed to the philosophy forum and get emails daily. I usually delete or store them telling myself I will do something with them later. The point is I feel I have to tell you my advice, I don't know why. Is this all happening because of the plants? If so you got to consider what your wife is willing to do because of that! Reconsider your marriage and "love" for her. It's easier said then done but you have to understand the mentality someone has to have in order to threaten you over that. We all make bad decisions occasionally, big or small, own up to it and take charge. Of course this is if the plants are the sole reason for these problems. Prepare yourself, dispose of them. Your rights shouldn't be sabotaged over plants and removing them leaves you with other things to take care of with this lady. Looking forward to your reply.
I can honestly say it had nothing to do with the plants. They were her only leverage over me other than our sons. I do the best I can to support my family. Some weeks working 70hrs. Nothing I did was enough. The plants were my last hope to save my marriage. I got arrested in 05. I did close to 8 years total in prison and parole time. Believe me when I say I was desperate to save my marriage by doing this because I had vowed to never grow again and put my family at risk. Now here I am sitting in an empty home. Buds flushed. My new ladies i had grown very attached to killed because they was my only weak spot. Kids gone. Police said shes the mother and they cant separate them without cause. So now its up to the biased courts. Im glad you replied. Stranger or not. If you camo grow you know the life style. I had my family and one connection. Im of no use to my connection now, and my families gone. Shit gets heavy out of the blue and feels it has to test my strength and will. Im a chill person but I'm ready to break
So you sold for money for supporting family is what I got from, "The plants were my last hope to save my marriage". So now that the growing isn't of use ("buds flushed") I would inform her of the change and try to start from there.
Mate the only thing I want in the world is a family and not a broken home. The things she said and did today. The amount of effort she put into trying to lock me up. The blatant lies... I really dont think I'll ever feel comfortable around her again let alone ever be able to trust her. The growing wasnt an issue. It was a mutual decision and she was thrilled with the possible extra income. This all derives from me being anti social. Thru my skills, prison, and fuct up biological family I have severe social anxiety. If I'm approached in a store a slink away avoiding eye contact in the prayer they leave me alone. She knew I was like this and once upon a time thought it was cute. The real issue is how quiet and awkward I am with her family. I cant help. They seem like decent people. I just cant talk to people let alone be forced into a crowded room with people and not be expect to look absolutely miserable cause the truth is I'm fighting off puking in the floor, I'm drenched in sweat, and when I try to speak it almost sounds as if I've dropped acid to me. I feel i cant speak right, and thanks to the anxiety I dont because of my struggle to think of anything valid to say.
Sorry if this is off topic but your description of yourself resonates with me. Go to the doctor dude. I know alot of people around here who will say that anti depressants are the devil but they can seriously turn your life around. I suffer crippling social anxiety like you because I was abused as a kid. There were points in my life where I had to mentally prepare myself to go through a mcdonalds drive through because I didnt like the 30 second interaction at the window...Or if I was hungry I at say 6pm I would wait with a sore stomach until 9:50 pm when it was dark and the grocery store was almost closed so I wouldnt have to run into anybody besides the checkout clerk. I was always in fight or flight mode, my heartrate was always jacked, I was 30 pounds underweight. I managed to get a girlfriend who thought it was initially cute but same as you alot of our problems stemmed from me not wanting to interact with her family or friends, cute turned to annoying fast. Like we would go to a mall and I would want to leave from the second we walked in the door, hundreds of people all seemingly staring at me judging, I would constantly try to stand with my back to a corner, it was my personal version of hell and she just couldn't understand where I was coming from no matter how many times I tried to explain it. At work it took me months to get used to people and even then I was guarded, when a new person joined the crew I would pretend like they didn't even exist for months until I slowly got used to them. I was always highly anti-pharma and always refused to go get meds when my parents or girlfriend asked me to, but I reached a point in my life where I physically broke down, I took a weeks leave from work and literally stayed in bed for a week staring at the wall or sleeping. I booked a doctors appointment at that point when I realized I couldn't go on like this anymore, I was literally getting ZERO happiness out of life not even a brief moment of levity. I was wound up like a spring from the time I go to work in the morning until I went to sleep at night, and it was taking a heavy toll on my physical health. The doctor put me on a low dose of zoloft and a months worth of benzo's to sleep at night and it was like someone flipped a switch in my brain, after a few weeks I felt like I did when I was a kid before the abuse. All that nervous apprehension went away, I stopped over analyzing possible negative outcomes of things before they happen and just let them happen, go with the flow so to speak. I could look people in the eyes and hold a normal conversation. I'm not saying it made me become a completely different person, I still prefer to spend most of my time by myself or with a few close friends but I don't have that nervous apprehension when people invite me to do shit now, and on occasion I actually get a little excited about big outings. Best of all I started to laugh again, which is my favorite trait in myself, I have a great sense of humor when im actually myself. It was amazing dude I can't describe how it feels to get a mental break.