Here we go again. But you know what? It's not so bad. If it weren't as it were, then it wouldn't be. At least We have that. I think I'm closer to something. It's a strange place.
Sometimes the rain she brings me a comfort that nothing elts can...she alone truly knows my pain.. I sit and watch the sky and pray to feel just one drop.... It hasnt rained in some time and I feel it in my soul.... Something is missing, its all so dry... The stones in the creek bed are dying of thirst... There are clouds now in the distance. I feel them drawing near... They call to me in my dreams... Oh to see them fill the sky... To feel them soak the earth... I can taste the water in the air... Please let it rain!
Thunder clouds rolling in from the west, Imminent and foreboding. The present's silence is deafening. The clouds rumble in the distance, but they don't appear to get any closer. I can feel it in my bones, though, the kind of knowing you can only know for yourself. It's funny how the scene seems to slow down time, everything becomes so immediate. All I can think to do is pray.
I don't have a way with words as you do but I feel very strongly about the imagery I try to express. People who care can imagine what I'm trying to say for themselves.
in these moments when the crowd is shifting nervously anticipation building tension building here upon the verge just before the fall they scream they run all for not here upon the verge as fear floods the masses i find the greatest of peace here as all moments come together here as i feel the first drops fall
i have never much minded never thought it was bad at all if they were not so concerned with what the world tells them is right and wrong --------------------------------------- typed that^^^^was headed some where with it... then woke up on the floor .....a couple hrs latter soaked in sweat....freezing .... tongue chewed up... the storm did come i have been feeling the thunder in the distance for days... this am the storm arrived tossed me about a bit left me for dead...as it sometimes does
Damn... can you really feel it coming like that? .... I'll come back later with some other stuff... not really feeling up to it today.
Depression, basically, or whatever it's called. It's been some weird thing that perturbs my brain from time to time. It use to be a lot more prevalent but I've certainly bettered my condition in various ways. I get these preludes to the fall, i.e. the storm in the distance. It's more of a feeling really, kind of a tremor before the quake, it tells me what's coming, a bit of a warning. It's pretty unmistakable, like the way it feels before a big thunderstorm. It's raining now, the storm finally swept in this morning. I don't really quite get it all. Most of the time I am very happy these days and I have a visceral love for life and existence. However, I know deep down there is something missing, something that without I can't truly be happy. Until I find it, this storm is the culmination of every event, every accomplishment of mine, in to a feeling of complete failure and utter despair. I think somewhere in there is my something missing. Somewhere between what lies in my heart (some kind of care free love of all that is) and conventional existence according to society's norms. It has nothing to do with what I think is right and wrong, but everything to do with something missing in my self. It's an inability to see for myself, to think for myself, despite what I see and what I know, what I feel. An inability to manifest what I feel in myself in to what I see in the world around me, how I see myself in this world.
i simply do not bother with those "norms" i realized when i was very young that they were all just some bulshit that other people wanted you to follow...and had nothing to do with what i find inside.... as for the storm.... sitting in the dark on a broken chair watching the rain fall listening to the sky let lose her tears giving her a shoulder to cry on i wipe her tears from my face and we go on together in spite of them all when the world has turned its back on her she knows she still fills my dreams
A wise friend once make me think twice about light and dark. Maybe it's not something I don't have, but something I do. Something like I dunno an ego maybe? Fuck me... Through the storm comes a silver lining, something hidden by darkness illuminated by a flash. I only see it for a moment but it reminds me of what I'm searching for. It is what I'm searching for only I cannot react quickly enough to grasp it. It's lost once again, encompassed in darkness. It's momentary illumination reminds me of my self, it gives me a reason: the will to keep searching.
Yadda Yadda Yadda. Life comes and goes. What has passed is gone and the present is here to stay. Being shy yet yearning for closeness and genuine interaction is fucking dumb. What the hell is wrong with you, you dumb fuck. So this or that happens. Big life, life goes on. Be confident in what is in your mind. Don't let anyone convince you that you are wrong or not worthy. "Oh but what about Hitler, should he not be convienced he was wrong?" Oh bert but deerrrrrr fuckin shut up. Shut the FUCK up.