helping a grieving friend

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by cheeerios, Apr 6, 2013.

  1. not sure if this is the right spot but oh well

    my best friend's older brother died. we've been friends since 3rd grade and are now college freshmen. we haven't been super close lately but that's not important

    my dad called me yesterday to tell me. i had an awful morning and texted my mom about it but didn't hear back, so i thought he was calling to talk to me about that, so i immediately just let it all out and was crying, and he didn't say much, but then said he had worse news.

    he died in a car accident. he was alone in the car on a dirt road, and drove into a ditch because he was texting. my friend has said so many times how he's her favorite person on earth, wouldn't know what she'd do if anything ever happened to him, etc. and her worst nightmare happened :(

    i know there's nothing i can do to fix it but this is such a helpless awful feeling.
    my parents came and got me from school, so i am home now. i went over this morning to be with her, and it was the saddest thing i've ever seen. i've only seen her really cry once before, and this was a million times harder naturally

    she talked about a puzzle they had started, and it's just sitting there in the basement.. she said everything feels pointless now

    stuff like this happens all the time, but you hear about it on the news and don't think it'll happen to you or someone you know

    what are things i can do? she said all food tastes like dirt except random stuff she never really liked anyway, like potato salad and tofu and rice.

    i'm just so scared to say the wrong thing.. she said at first she felt angry when people said dumb stuff, and now she is ok with it because she knows they mean well and just don't know what to say, and she wouldn't either.

    i know everyone is different but if any of you have experience with this and have advice please let me know
  2. Man, I have just been lurking lately, but this thread gave me the desire to post something.
    Listen man, i've been in that situation and let me tell you straight forward YOU CAN'T SAY ANYTHING TO MAKE HER FEEL BETTER. All you can do is be there for her, and that's doing alot more than you'd think.
  3. like dude above me said, i would just be there.

    this is one of the rare occasions alcohol can have a medicating effect. if she doesnt have an alcohol problem or anything have a couple glasses of wine or whatever she drinks, itll help numb the pain and release pent up emotions.

    best of luck to your friend, i am extremely close to my older brothers and could never understand what shes going through
  4. Brings tears to my eyes dude.

    When I was 16, one of our best friends died. My bestest friend ever was his girlfriend. It was super messed up. He dropped dead and to this day, 8 years later, we still have no reason as to why he died. He just dropped.

    You really cant say much, in all honesty. It's probably not what you want to hear. But seriously just be there, listen to her, wipe her tears, laugh with her. Always good to remember the person who died, laughing about stupid shit they did is always good, in my opinion. Take it as it comes. She will appreciate you "just being there".

  5. if you don't mind me asking, which side of the situation were you on? i'm glad just being there is helpful, it's just hard to know when she wants me or wants to be alone. thank you for the reply

    i'm 99% positive she wouldn't want to drink. she's usually a pretty big drinker for parties and whatnot, and i don't know how to explain my thoughts, but i don't think she'd want to do something she usually does for fun/to get silly, if that makes sense. but perhaps later in the healing process, i think it's just too fresh now
    same, big brothers are the best :(

    i'm so sorry :( that's awful, no explanation or answers whatsoever.. it's tough when anyone dies, but especially young people, and when it's unexpected it just hits you so quickly. that must be so hard.

    nah that's not bad to hear. i'm not too good with comforting words, so it's good to know that just being there is really helpful. unfortunately i can't now, because i'm back at school and she's still home. she's coming back on wednesday, and she's gonna need me a lot then.

    it's so hard to see her so upset.. i've known this family since they moved here like 10 years ago and they were all so close. they called him at least once a week and it would be this big excitement, it was really sweet

  6. I was the girl in this situation man. My dad died in the military when I was a bit younger.

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