Can I use this just to vent and maybe figure stuff out for myself too? I hope so. I have been with my boyfriend for just about 3 years (will be 3 in June). I love him with my entire heart. I have never been with someone that makes me feel as good about myself as him. He treats me right. He loves me in return. We are more then lovers too we are best friends. We have a lot of the same common interests and many things we like to do separately as well. It is a good mix. Until January of this year we were both living with my parents. (we were trying to save and buy a house instead of renting). The beginning of January came and my boyfriend and my mother got into a pretty big fight. I was not there to see it all, but what is being said is that my mother tried to strangle my boyfriend but my boyfriend pushed my mother away. My mom says she never tried to strangle him. He does not deny that he pushed my mom. Later that week we had an apartment. Apologies were said and everything has been going fine. It was just an argument that got out of hand. Until I find out my mom is just pretending around us and that she has not forgiven my boyfriend at all she just 'tolerates' him for me. She also thinks that I have 'changed' and that she thinks that he is controlling me. (hes not). I do not know what to do because my mom means more to me than anything she is the one that has raised me and has cared for me. We were such good friends up to that point. I thought we were back to being normal but knowing that she is just faking it hurts. Fast forward to present day. I was joking about how my boyfriend tells me I am his little old lady (he says sometimes that I dress like his grandmother --- I DO NOT!!) My boss over hears me and then goes into this whole long speech about how we might get along now but it is INEVITABLE that we are going to break up because he has no college education and I do. I feel like everyone in the world lately thinks that me being with him is a bad idea. I love him so much but I feel like people are trying to warn me of something to come. I just have a pit in my gut and I want it to go away so that I can go back to being happy with him again. This entire week has been hard on me because I have kept this all inside because the only person that I do go to with problems are my mom and my boyfriend. I can not go to either of them! I am about to break down again so I am going to end this. I am sorry it was so long but any advice input would be appreciated.
You need to read your sig... go ahead and take a look at it.....pretty inspiring, live happy Your mom is just concerned that your bf is a loser and she is tryin to protect you. Your boss is kinda doin the same thing but with obvious negative view towards the relationship (prolly relationships ingeneral). But my dad doesnt even have his high school diploma and my mom went to college, theyve been married like 30 years and my dad is makin tons of $. So just cuz he doesnt have a degree doesnt make him some loser who's never gonna amount to anything. But if he actually is some loser who doesnt work or kinda does work but leeches off you, then they are right for warning you. But its your life, so you have to go by your heart, if you are in a loving (and fair) relationship thats great... just be aware that you two may eventually find out that you dont see eye to eye or want very different things progessionally Certainly dont break off your relationship now over fears of the future, you two are happy now and thats whats important. Its hard to have ppl tell you your relationship is garbage, esp when its ppl close to you, its like they are tryin to pry some space between yall now because they think youll break up on your own later... nobody can tell the future.
I think your mom has your best interest at hand, and I know that can be the hardest thing to realize and agree with, until you look back on things.. ya know, hindsight 20/20 and all.. but anyway, if your friends also think being with him is a bad idea then maybe, just maybe, they have a point, cause your mom seems to agree as well. Now, you know how the people feel that care about you, and you know what THEY think is best for you, so you need to figure out what YOU think is best for yourself (most important!). I mean, your boyfriend got in a fight with your mom so that may be a good indicator of some things, although your mom supposedly strangled him, so it's hard to say who's justified. Sometimes parents won't like your significant other and you either have to get over it and live your own life, or respect their wishes. And as for the fact that you have a college education and he doesn't, that can be a huge obstacle in it's self for some people. I ended my last relationship for that reason (among other things)--I'm in college and he had no desire to go to college... those are some big priority differences right there...not to suggest that everyone who lacks a college degree is unsuccessful/lazy. it depends on the person. Well I didn't give you an answer to your problems but hopefully I made you think. Good luck!
I work at a restaurant and I'm on the closing shift and that place gets dirty as hell. We all have assigned duties and mine is cleaning the grill and wiping the stainless steel backwall. Sometimes other people have helped me clean but they always stop and go, "Is this clean enough?" If you have to ask, the answer is no, it isn't clean enough. My point is that when we start asking these questions, deep down we already know the answers, we're just hoping that someone else can give a different answer. I knew at that certain point when my ex-gf and I probably weren't going to be together much longer. You have to do what you feel is best for you.
The hardest thing usually isn't knowing what the right answer is................ The hardest thing is usually accepting the right answer......... If you search yourself, you will find that you already know the right answer to your problem. It may be a little tough for your emotions to accept what your mind knows to be true. No one here can decide that you should kick him to the curb and side with Mom. No one here can decide that you should stay with him. No one here can decide that you need to compromise and take them each for what they individually are to you. You're the one who has to live with the decision.
See the thing is he is not lazy. He works 40 hours a week or more as a crane opperator. He is going to do just fine in life. He pays all his bills plus half of our shared bills on time every month. He treats me like a queen. I really do believe he would jump infront of a speeding bullet for me. As I would do the same. I think it is just poeple trying to put negitive thoughts in my head. My mom holds grudges. I know she does. I dont even know why I did this on this forumn. I love him and that IS all that matters I think. If we dont make it then it is not meant to be but like the person above. I think that I should enjoy the ride atleast! I am going to try to keep this attitude. I hope it works. I know what you are all saying about if I have to ask then I probablly already know. But hasnt everyone had atleast one doubt about their relationship and had made it work too? I know people that have done it. Hopefully I can too! Keep the advice coming though maybe someone else will have something real inspirational to come!
Crane operator? I know nothing about it, but that's got to be a decent payrate. If you're happy with him now, that is what matters. Do you see a future with him? Don't let what other people think about the situation get to you. When I do that, it usually just makes me depressed.
Yes I become super depressed and think that my life is not what it should be... but by other peoples standards? I should love him the way I do because we love each other like you see in the movies. NO there is never a great backtrack playing the moment we kiss, but it feels that way STILL after 3 years. Thanks all for taking the time to listen to me vent... unbelievably it did help.
If I were you I would do what felt right for YOU because it is YOUR life now. The worst thing that could happen is you decide he isn't right for you but if you make the relationship and living arrangements work for everyone so nobody is stressed then you will have PROVEN that it can work so I would give it my best shot. Also I would try to do some talking with your boyfriend and/or mom about what ACTUALLY happened so you know what the problem is so that you can fix it. And be glad you have a boyfriend. There are many lonely people in this world. Its also good to see I'm not the only one using GC to try and work out personal issues. All these kinds of things take work but if you set your mind on creating a harmonious coexistance you will find a way and have the power to turn things around. Just be real with everyone in your life and be creative. Hope it all works out!
I AM VERY HAPPY WITH HIM!!!!!!!!! I talked to someone this weekend about my feelings and the best thing she said was "Yes, everyone comes to a crossroad in their relationship. What do you want to do? Do you want to go to the next intersection straight ahead or are you going to turn?" Everyone has doubts. I had mine last week. I have been super busy trying to do everything under the sun and I was stressed. It was not him it was me. I guess. thanks all
sounds like you know where you're at with him as far as your mother goes, you need to tell her that if she wants to be part of your life she needs to accept and respect your relationship, because it is in no way up to her. Ask her why it is so completely necessary for him to have completed college. As a college student myself I understand why I am here, because every job I am interested in requires a diploma. If he wants to work in construction as a career, there's nothing wrong with that, in fact the more experience he gains in the field he could easily earn a salary that tops that of a University professor or vast number of other jobs that require PhDs, let alone bachelors degrees. An assistant prof in political science at my school earns 68k a year, before taxes. That's after going to college for more than 10 years, while earning no money.
Look at it this way, it's not your mom or co-worker in the relationship with homie - it's you. With that being said, how do you feel it's going? Don't let doubt shadow over a beautiful day, that's unfair to you and the dude. Worry about the only opinion that matters: yours. Other people have opinions, don't let something like that affect you negatively.