There is this girl at my university I like. We are both in law. anyways, she has mutual friends with me (some not all). This friday we are going to this formal dress up party but before that my female friend is having a get together at her apartment for pre-drinks. The girl I like is sort of friends with my female friend and my female friend invited her too so she is coming over I think. anyways the girl I like i'm too scared to talk to her in class, i'm too nervous and we never really talk so I don't feel comfortable (lack the balls lol) to just go up and strike a conversation. about a week an half ago she saw me at the bar and she came up behind me and pug her arms around me and said hi. i was surprised bec we never talk in class or anything. i talked to her at the bar for some time and she was super nice. but since then in class we don't talk and i get nervous around girls I like and pretty much ignore them in class. so anyways she is probably coming over on friday evening for pre drinks at my friends house and I want to try and talk to her more but not sure what to say or do. any tips? i've heard conflicting things, like some people say try and be friends with a girl first and other say no don't try and be friends first bec you'll go into the "frindzone". also my female friend invited her lawyer friend over also and i bet he'll try and hit on her also. any tips guys? i really like this girl for some reason. oh and she is friends mostly with the kind of nerdy/ geeky crew in my school and I think she is shy, she talks a lot in class but I think she is shy, that's prob why she talked to me when she was drinking.
[SUB]never refer to her as a friend in front of her. talk about random bullshit, the day, the party, whatever. be smooth and relaxed man. offer her a smoke if you feel the vibe. if not, just ask her about herself and agree with some things. dont look her in the eye too much, look away, like youre pondering something. just be yourself man, dont show the nerves and go for it[/SUB]
hmm i'll try. no way she smokes.... i'm in law school and most people do not smoke weed. it's hard talking to her bc in class we can't really talk. and at the party this friday my female friend will be there and lots of other people will be there and we are only staying there for 2-3 hours then going to this formal dinner where i won't be sitting at the same table as the girl I like (seats have been pre arranged). also the girl I like might think i like my female friend because I spend a lot of time with my female friend and it's her bday this week also so I'm buying my female friend a cake and she'll prob tell the girl i like that.
then make your move. dont worry about what happens, keep that out of your mind and make sure those few hours you spend with her are worth it
didn't you say on another post you're 28? anyways even if you aren't... you gotta start just going for it. how often do you approach women? you should have more confidence by now and experience. when your confident (due to experience and having a good self image) words you say just flow better. i just turned 20, and I'm a girl. im still shitty at approaching men(not as socially acceptable lol)/opening up ways for men to approach me, but once the convo starts i'm not too worried like I used to be, it's a work in process. wouldn't be saying this a year ago. it's good to build up experience on randoms, maybe even just random people of any gender even to make friends, so you get experience in maneuvering conversation (plus more friends = you meeting their friends = more women potentially). so when it comes to ppl like this (this girl that's been in your class and you've been eyeing so long), the ones you think you're really into, you are less likely to fuck up not gonna lie the first time I went up to a guy I was high as fuck at work. I didn't even plan to do it but I was high and was walking by him and just suddenly i decided to strike up conversation, made a mild joke about what he was doing. so yeah the first time I was high, but it was that instance that made me realize how stupid I was for never doing it in the past, so thank god I got high that day lol. and I used to be waaayy more shy and anxious.
Open that whole in your face called a mouth a say a few words to her... If you can't do this you are hinging your bets on a girl approaching you first which isn't going to work in our Western society. This is not a good way to meet girls because it is not socially acceptable for females to approach males in North America for the most part. She already approached you, if it weren't for that you wouldn't have said one word to this girl and you would just be thinking of hypothetical situations where you could possibly approach this girl but you wouldn't actually be doing anything. You have established a rapport with her based on this encounter, why can't you follow up on that? You can't expect the girl to do all the work, it takes one in a million type of girl to see through your insecurities and lack of action to pursue you when you won't even say a word to her. It takes two to make a relationship happen, girls can't read your mind and see you are interested but are too afraid to take action. Most girls like attention and respect guys who can approach them with confidence although your advances won't be reciprocated every time, so you need to be ready for possible rejection. Sometimes not talking or following up with a girl can make it seem like you are mysterious or are a bad ass who doesn't really care, but it seems like girls can tell you have low confidence and you absolutely do based on your posting history. You aren't going to get anywhere in regards to relationships if you keep operating the way you are. You must be intelligent enough if you are going to law school, how about you seek some professional help that isn't a bunch of stoners on a forum, because we can tell you what to do (it is obvious what to do btw) but we can't help change your thought patterns and actions, which can be done through therapy or something like that.
yeah I'm shy and i have bad self esteem prob bc i'm 28 and still get acne. like my forehead looks like shit right now bright red marks. when I look like crap I don't even try and talk to girls. oh and i've tried everything been to a dermatologist, i exercise, eat super healthy zero junk food nothing really works.
[quote name="Yummybud20" post="19382179" timestamp="1390345266"]yeah I'm shy and i have bad self esteem prob bc i'm 28 and still get acne. like my forehead looks like shit right now bright red marks. when I look like crap I don't even try and talk to girls. oh and i've tried everything been to a dermatologist, i exercise, eat super healthy zero junk food nothing really works.[/quote]I would recommend not going high. I am a lot more shy whilr high and thats not what you need. You're going for confident and ballsy aka get drunk enough to not care and just convince yourself its a good idea to talk to her and do so as much as ya can. Just some basic advice that maybe helps ya. Good luck man hope it works out
Have a bit of booze, enough to take the edge off initially itll be easier to chat, only get shit faced if she is up for it too, or she doesn't like you or if she does like you or if its rainy or night time Sent from my GT-S5360 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
You are just making excuses for yourself. If it weren't the acne, you would harp on another quality about yourself that you are insecure about to justify never approaching females. Believe me, plenty of young men who are less attractive than yourself and haven't had much success yet in life have been in committed relationships. Are your standards so high that you only want to start a relationship with a model type female? Believe me dude, most girls have just as many insecurities about their appearances as you seem to do, and society makes it even more of a selling point for females, so think about that for a second the next time you think you can't talk to a single girl who you find cute. Also, when I say seek professional help, I mean try out a therapy session to start a rapport with a counselor of psychologist who can help you overcome your shyness. You could even try medication for these problems which I would not recommend only as a last result but it has helped some people based on their testimonials. You seem to be ignoring this problem, you are 28 and things aren't getting better for you in that aspect. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results which is what you have been doing for years. Has your insistent over thinking and self doubting about approaching girls gotten you anywhere? I don't think so based on the frequencies of threads you start asking how to start a relationship or approach a girl. Basically you won't own up to or admit the real problem here which is your disconcertingly low self confidence and shyness. This isn't going to get you anywhere, and how can you be successful as a lawyer if you are a meek self doubter? It will affect you negatively in all aspects of life. This is a personality trait our society frowns upon, and even though it shouldn't be that way, it is just the way it is and it won't be changing anytime soon. You are getting older, and you will continue to make excuses based on your declining psychical appearances with age, and the fact that once you graduate college, you won't have that built in social life to meet girls. You are just going to keep making excuse after excuse until you are old and alone and you realized you wasted your youth being afraid to take action. So, what are you going to do? Continue to drum up hypothetical situations where you might potentially find a mate based on a girl showing you an ounce of attention and then come to Grasscity to ask how to approach this situation and proceed to ignore obvious advice in favor of making excuses for why you can't man up and talk to a girl? Or can you actually for once in your life commit to self change and take the help that is out there for people like yourself so you can feel confident in yourself? If you have no intention of changing, than the only advice I can really give you is to try niche internet dating where men and women like yourself exchange information based on the preface that the reason you signed up for this site is you are mostly lacking in confidence and don't want to come out of your shells to get what you want. (if you think I am being harsh or not properly analyzing the OP's situation, take a look at his past threads he has started. There might be a hundred of threads like this one where we tell the OP what to do and he makes excuses until he blew any chance with the girl and then the next time a girl shows him any bit of attention he does it again)
Slap your dick on the table like a hammer and make a sea lion barking sound. This will show your dominance.Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
Don't go into a conversation with this chic as if your trying to make her your girlfriend. She's a human being just like you and probably just wants to get to know people. Introduce yourself again at the party and ask questions about her. Look for opportunities to make her laugh. don't be scared, and methodical about it, just let the conversation flow. As a side note, I just got super stoned at 5:30AM...it's gonna be a great day at work lol.Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
dude.. This is excellent advice, nail on the head. OP read this then re read it. Not only is it perfect advice for your situation but it will be applicable to most situations where confidence is the problem. If you don't take this shit on board now it'll be too late i think. Everyone has the same kinda thoughts as you only some ppl cop hold of their shit and get over it, while some bitch out and let it ruin their life without even try. If you are going to fail, fail trying to do something amazing- Chris eubank Sent from my GT-S5360 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
forget the acne...if you have a great personality, if a girl really feels good in your presence, she wont care. some girls will be superficial, sure, just as some guys will, but looks are really not as important for men as they are for women lol. just be confident in yourself, if you learn to be confident and open your mouth it's going to hide your acne trust me. if you dont learn to be confident/talk, people will never see any positives and will only see the acne because that's all you let them see. give ppl a reason to like you beyond looks, this is something guys have an advantage on over girls trust me lol. if she doesn't like you then that's just 1 person. think about how many ppl you've met and how many you actually liked as people, or even ppl you thought were ok/nice but didn't feel like talking to further. don't take it to heart, we're all just human and maneuvering this world trying to find social connections that mesh with us.
What's the story op did you nut up at the party or what?Sent from my GT-S5360 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
[quote name="Megacosm" post="19410282" timestamp="1390760024"]You must not know YummyBud ^[/quote]i know what you're saying just figured he actually would take some of the peoples advice on board! Hope he does to be honest it might get him get hold of his shit and stop living in his head scared of the pretty ladies Sent from my GT-S5360 using Grasscity Forum mobile app
This is going to sound totally fucked up, but it's kind of my trump card on a lot of girls I meet... don't get me wrong though, I'm not some kind of pimp. I've just noticed this in all the females I meet. All girls have some kind of insecurity, you have to work with that. Make her feel like when she's around you, those insecurities don't exist. Everything a person does and how a person does it shows some part of him/her. It's all about intuition... although, if she catches you staring while you're trying to find out what that insecurity is, just give one of those "cute" smiles from those chick flicks and say "nothing." All girls are different though, you just gotta pick the right approach. Edit: Looks like I'm 5 days too late. What happened at the party OP?