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Hello All! And a deep question also...

Discussion in 'Marijuana Consumption Q&A' started by Koldfusion11, Jul 24, 2012.

  1. #1 Koldfusion11, Jul 24, 2012
    First , I'd like to say ello to everyone. Glad to be in good company :)

    So recently, Ive been having some strange thoughts about my pot use. I've just been feeling all around GUILTY about it. Just bare with me for a sec before I get to the heart of why I've been feeling this way. Sorry about the length, I gotta get this out though.

    I'm currently 20. I will have been smoking for 3 years come this Halloween (lol). I was against weed until that one "fuck it" night; mainly since my sister was really into it and eventually developed a heroin habit. After I did it I was like, damn this shit is like...awesome. I was so happy the morning after I smoked and Ive been smoking ever since. Anyways. despite the fact that I HATED my second half of high school, particularly, I managed to keep it together enough to my grades stayed high (ha) and somehow scored a full ride to college for 4 years.

    Now, Im an incoming junior. I've kept my grades up, along with a bunch of good friends, I have 4 or 5 REALLY good friends, something Ive never truly been able to say before. Here's where the strange, doubtful thoughts come in. I don't smoke as much during the school year, usually once a day or so cause theres a lot to do and there are college babes everywhere and my way with women is never as good when I'm high as opposed to when Im sober. Of course Im sure thats not the case with some of you, but it is for me. During the summer though (now) when I'm either working, sleeping, or playing guitar for hours on end, I've been smoking every day, multiple times a day. Yesterday was my first day off since summer break started for me two months ago.


    My issue is this: I just feel like Im living a double life. A lot of my friends know I smoke, but also, a good amount of them don't (of course they are the ones that don't as well.) Having a full ride I got lumped in with a bunch of smart folk, many of whom I got to know. But the fact is that NONE of them know how much I smoke. I guess you could say Im rather introverted. I'm social, but I prefer to be alone, either playing guitar or playing call of duty or something. Not to say Im a loser though, I have a great relationship with my family, I work out almost every day, keep a fairly healthy diet, and play tons of music.


    I guess sometimes I just feel really boxed in, especially when Im burnt out (as in, come down after being high) and am just feeling rather rotten. Things seem hopeless and Ill feel like no one knows that Im a stoner and that Im just alone in this world, even though I have plenty of people who like me. Also, perhaps the biggest thing is I dont know what to do with my life. All I want to do is play music but its so damn competitive and the industry just isnt like it used to be. Its now polluted with shit. So aside from that, nothing interests me all that much. So yea, I keep my grades up, but I do it because I have to, not because I have any real interest in what Im learning. Then again, maybe thats just part of being a young adult.



    I really feel like Im ranting here and kinda going off on a tangent so Ill just stop. Thoughts?
     
  2. #2 FattyAssSnaps, Jul 24, 2012
    Don't blame it on weed. You feel bad because you aren't pursuing what you actually enjoy but rather went to college just because why? You were supposed to? I mean if you like music why don't you major in it or something? Why not pick something you enjoy fuck what anyone else thinks. I smoke weed 4+ times a day at least and I tell everyone and nobody cares just don't hide it who gives a fuck what people know. You are slightly depressed I think from not living life how you really want to, not pursuing your dreams. Just do that and I bet you will be fine... :smoking:
     
  3. #3 Koldfusion11, Jul 24, 2012
    I went to college not only because it was free, but because Im scared shitless of not being able to support myself. Im totally on board with following my dreams, which is why I practice so much. But Im also practical, and I know its the 21st century and the economy sucks.

    And I suppose the worst thing is that Im cursed because I want what I cant have and Im ruined because once I get it, I wish for the way things used to be. Im insanely, insanely nostalgic, especially when it comes to music. Sometimes I wonder if I feel this way cause I feel like I belong in a time period that I simply can never go to.
     
  4. #4 reefermadness11, Jul 24, 2012
    Aye man, it sounds like you have your shit together. Just keep living how you want to live. As for the music thing, follow your dream. You say it's hard because of the industry. It's just hard to make a career out of it. Sure, you may have to have a part time job on the side, but with some dedication you could get your music out there using modern technology.
     
  5. #5 Ponyboii2, Jul 24, 2012
    Dude I feel the exact same way as you. I'm going to school, and getting decent grades only because I have to, and I don't want to let my parents down. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. What I love doing is writing music, and poetry, and I just recently picked up the gutair. I spend hours on end straight listening to music. All kinds of genres. I just love the freedom music brings. And that's ultimately what I want to do...
    But to the weed thing, don't stress it man. It's what you are choosing to do. You enjoy marijuana, and so do a lot of other people. Don't feel bad because some people don't know you smoke. It's a personal choice. Hell, some ppl are on all sorts of crazy prescription pills, and they are not telling everyone about their use. If you really feel smoking a lot is making you sluggish/depressed. Ease off of it for a while. I went about a straight year smoking all day, everyday, and that was not healthy for me. Now, I usually only smoke once at night. I love it. The highs are more enjoyable, and I get a great nights sleep. Oh, and the fact that I'm more productive during the day because I am not constantly smoking. My advice is to use it in moderation.
     
  6. #6 Kush93, Jul 24, 2012
    Sounds like you need to smoke more ;)
     
  7. #7 Permafade, Jul 24, 2012
    I'm no expert, but I'm sure there are plenty of music oriented careers that don't involve actually playing music. That's clearly your passion, so do something related to it even if don't make it as a professional musician. And you could still play at bars or whatever on the weekends for some extra cash. My uncle used to do that and it was dope. And as for hiding the fact that you blaze, fuck that. You're old enough to make your own decisions (within reason) without fools being able to say shit about it.
     

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