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Healing my soul: my story

Discussion in 'Medical Marijuana Usage and Applications' started by dannyboy67, Nov 4, 2014.

  1. I'm a guy and almost 21, and I started using cannabis when I was 18 in college. I have never smoked regularly, just as-needed or when I felt like. But I'd like to describe the reasons why I do so, and see if they align with what others think from a therapeutic perspective. Maybe even get some similar stories and perspectives.
     
    (Warning: wish-washy poetic narrative to follow. If that's not your cup of tea, you'd best skip it) 
     
    Once I turned 18, it became clear to me that I was going to be growing up quickly, and that my mind, heart and soul would probably have difficulty in keeping up in terms of the change. My starting smoking was instigated by my having radically new emotional experiences in life: the nature of my interactions with my parents changing as I got older, breaking up for the first time, as well as having real and legitimate enemies, who had formerly been boys I knew in high school and now were grown men who I feared as such. 
     
    All the time I feel myself becoming one such man, and for some reason it has not been easy for me. I don't recognize myself anymore, both on the outside and on the inside. Two years ago I was a baby-faced college freshman, and now when I look into the mirror I see hardened eyes of a man who sports a beard and long shoulder-length hair, eyes that are on the defensive from other men, eyes that lust for the things that i have come to desire. I spent so long wishing that the child in me would disappear, and now I feel that that child has left too soon and may never return. I've lost my innocence. Becoming a man has replaced whimsical boyhood fantasy with lust and thoughts of violence directed toward other men whom I fear may hurt me. 
     
    I never remember the specific instances that I smoke weed, I only remember the immortalized, general qualities of those experiences, which blur together as a vignette of warm light bathing my mind. Being among good friends and passing a bowl, feeling the subsequent spirit entering my soul and cooling my mind, allowing me to forget to think and instead to feel my soul and heart speaking. It doesn't matter where or when this occurs, it only matters that, for a little while, I feel myself return to the innocence of my eternal child. 
     
    Does anyone else feel the way I feel? Please tell me that I am not alone in this desperate need for soul-nourishment. My soul hurts and when it does all I can do is provide it sustenance through the means necessary. 
     
     

     
  2. the childhood innocence has gone nowhere. just that you awareness has shifted from it. the second you see something awe inspiring you will jump right back into the child and not give a f#$%k about anything else but that moment. then when your mind catches up to the moment will you revert back to adult. it is as simple as that- your mind makes you an adult because it accumulates more and more info and takes over every situation and your experiences get filtered through its analytical nature resulting in analytical outcomes not free and care free outcomes.
     
    when you grow up- in life some things require an adult and some things require the child, knowing which times need which persona is the key to your outcomes in said times. the freedom to be free and innocent while looking at a blade of grass is your decision and also your decision to seriously analyze the blade of grass with serious scrutiny. set your intention and follow through, the results that follow can only be the result of your intent.
     

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