having slight anxiety about finding someone..

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by trunkricehelico, Mar 20, 2012.

  1. hey GC well basically the title says it all. I have moved to a new town and started a new job and stopped talking to my ex about a month ago. it was heart breaking, but i had to cut off contact. Im doing fine in my personal life. im over my ex for the most part. i have a career, i have a decent social life, and I am keeping in shape and going to the gym.

    But I am starting to analyze myself and how I have only had one serious gf (my ex). I have been on dates with other girls that never panned out, and I have no problem with talking to girls. I have friends who are girls and I am fine confidence wise and appearance wise.

    But for some reason...I have not found anyone. I guess im a naturally quiet/ shy person, but I feel like i have broken out of my shell for the most part. and I have friends who are wayyy more shy than me and are getting some and dating. hell i am cool with a friend with benefits. but i cant even find that.

    I am starting to get frustrated with it. I have adopted the mentality of "dont care about it and something will happen eventually". but being a 20 year old guy, its pretty hard to not notice a fine ass girl walking by. but the thing is...whenever i see a fine girl she has some d bag guy attached to her hip. i literally see it with every cute girl everywhere. at the gym, at a place im eating at. they have that guy tagging along whether its a boyfriend or a "friend" who you know is just trying to get in their pants. And I have female friends who are cool and i enjoy chilling with and im attracte to, but they have boyfriends. all of them. its starting to get ridiculous.

    so my question is...where is my shot? where are these dudes finding single girls to date/tag along with? i see it so often but it seems like the opportunity never arises. like I said i have no problem confidence wise or look wise. ive been called cute and ive been hit on, but lately its been by taken girls and thats never gonna pan out into anything. It seems like finding a cute girl who shares the same mutual attraction is never in the stars for me.

    I literally feel like everything in life is going good for me except for my luck with females. friends wise yea its good, but any luck sexually or relationship wise is zilch. i dont get it. im find without it, i have a life and im happy for the most part...but im sick of being single not gonna lie. or at least not getting any....and im tired of waiting...so what the fuck...its like a goddamn mystery. ive never been more confused about anything in my life.
     
  2. wow...story of...MY GODDAMN LIFE!
     
  3. [quote name='"Wavy Crocket"']wow...story of...MY GODDAMN LIFE![/quote]

    Same here, I am just like this, except I don't really have any girls for friends.
     
  4. Here's your problem bro. You say you've adapted the don't care and it shit will eventually happen thing. But 1, clearly you haven't, this thread is proof of that. 2, that whole waiting for it thing, doesn't work.

    Let me tell you a story, of a dude (me). I have always been the guy who could fuck any chick, but I have never been one for fucking everything in sight. But about a year and a half ago i met this girl on Facebook and I feel in love with her. We went out for a while, and then she dumped me..... Twice...... In the same night...... 30min after I was in a car accident..... She started going out with another guy that weekend. I didn't get over her for a year, witch brings us to about a month ago, I finally got over her, and deleted all the texts, pics, MSGs, everything that had anything to do with her. And right when I did that I started to put my self out there way more, not romantically, just in general, I started hanging out with everyone I could, from my family, to friends, to strangers, that was 2 weeks ago, now I'm talking to this girl that I am into, and actually dodging other chicks.

    It's kinda all a round about way of saying it, but what I'm trying to say here is, it's not a matter of not caring about finding love, or going after it. Hang out with everyone you can, become a part of multiple groups of friends, meet some of your friends friends, then meet some of there friends, if you really get out there and talk to everyone, there is a million times better of a shot to find that girl who is right for you.

    Keep your head up high bro, your 20, kids born in the 1990s can expect to live till at least 100, you got 80 years, it will happen
     
  5. The whole waiting games doesn't really work. Like sirkush said, you have to put yourself out there and get a count of people you spend time with and that lucky lady will be around. I've been single for about 5 years due to wanting to be with that "one" girl. But now, it's time to go out. i can't really say my chances improved but i am getting a better understanding on it. I do talk to more females and i hear the same thing "you're cute" or "every female should want a guy like you", but when i make the moves, the exact same ones who compliment me, turn me down and say the same thing "i don't know you like that". Just keep your head up. Go out there and find her. Don't wait to be found.
     
  6. OP I'm in the same boat man!

    I'm gonna take sirkush's advice. I've actually already started to just chill with everyone I can and make more friends. it's fun. I always look on the bright side of life and keep everything positive!

    Stay up bro!!
     

  7. Best advice i've read all day.
     

  8. I am putting myself out there for sure. like I said I have been making new friends in the place I moved to. I have been doing better about getting out there. Im just...growing impatient. idk. I see lots of people with fiances or wives and a lot of them are people who i would have expected to find someone. not saying I am ready for a wife, but it cannot be that incredibly hard.

    and when I say just dont care and let it happen I mean that in a way where it seems like if I try too hard to find someone it ultimately just fucks up because im thinking about it too much. but the other thing is there are times where i like my time to myself. i am a social person for sure and love meeting new people, going to parties, and expieriencing new things, but i will admit that i have a shy/introverted side. and sometimes i worry that it will be my demise. but i know people who are worse than me about that that date no problem.

    and just about every girl ive gotten a number from or been on a date with (including my only relationship) just kinda happened. I wasnt out looking for the one. I was living my life like you said. and thats what i mean. the last date i was on was a few months ago and i went into a restaurant and the girl taking my order was pretty much asking for my number so i went for it. we would have went on another date but i was about to move =/ like i said it never seems in the stars.

    I wouldnt be surprised if I end up living here for a few years and not meeting anyone, and around the time when im getting ready to move somewhere else a really cute girl will pop up out of nowhere wanting to date. its like Murphy's law. Girls in my high school did not give 2 shits about me, but when i came home to visit for christmas i had one of the hottest girls from my class all over me at a party. funny how that works out. its like fates taunting me.
     
  9. So let sit down and tell you a little.. inspirational tale.

    Well before I started smoking weed a ton, I had issues with anxiety and bipolar disorders. It was extremely bad, I ended up pushing everyone away from me all the time. Once I started smoking frequently, I noticed people LOVED being around me when I wasn't anxious, when I wasn't pushy. Especially guys. Guys began just flocking to me because I wouldn't care if they did or didn't text me.

    The more anxious you act around the opposite sex, the more desperate you appear. The more desperate you appear, the less people want you. If you just live your life, pursue goals and activities, ANYTHING but thinking about the opposite sex you'll see people come running. I know it is easier said than done, but try to start finding things that interest you and obsess over those. Set goals at work and work vigorously towards those. People want to be with people they find "fun", and clingy, desperate people aren't fun to be around.

    What I'm trying to say is relax, if things happen between you and someone else, pay attention to it. But don't obsess. Focus on yourself, and girls will come running. And you know... weed always helps to calm the anxiety a bit as well. :p
     
  10. idk what's worse...

    being anxious about finding someone or being anxious about losing someone?
     

  11. This is good advice. I remember one of the first chicks that I actually approached and tried to hang out with was a disaster lol. I was a little nervous and asked her if she wanted to go get some food or something. Didnt pan out and she said no, but that first rejection was like the spark that got me talking to lots of women. It wasnt a big deal at all once the ice was broken and you can catch their vibe.

    But I was trying too hard I think. Making sure that your body language shows that you know how to make life fun is what can be most attractive. Even if you are awkward or whatever, just embrace life and opportunities pop up like popcorn.
     

  12. Exactly. Just be yourself, calm down, and accept that whatever happens, happens. If you're meant to be with someone it will happen, so don't push it. :D
     
  13. I know the feeling all too well of being alone and pissed because of it. AFter I graduated high school I found a job at a call center making good money but working endless hours at night (worked graveyard). I literally had no time for myself it was like I was living for my job I probably had like 3-4 hours a day of free time before I had to work again. I was 18 and I just couldnt take it anymore so I quit. I moved to a new city and started working in retail and I started talking more to girls. Anyone thats ever worked retail knows the girls are hot and there are many of them. Since then ive smoked out a couple chicks even dated a few of them and there are some girls that still like me. I met some cool dudes and became their friend and started going to parties where I met more people. I guess the morale of my story is just be active and positive and the rest will piece itself together. You have to make yourself more available like others have said youre not gonna find a girl sitting at home watching tv.
     
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