Having no friends?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by HERO1R, Mar 18, 2016.

  1. I'm a 26 year old guy. Have a fiancée, 2 kids and a house and a dog, but am missing one thing. Friends.

    Now let me start off by saying that I've always been well liked, gotten along with pretty much everyone I've met, and I'd like to think that I'm a nice friendly guy. I've had friends in high school but we've drifted apart, which is fair enough. Made some friends when I was at University but I studied IT and I guess you could say I'm not exactly your stereotypical 'IT Nerd' which everyone seemed to be, so I've always felt like a bit of an outsider. During that time I had battles with depression so I lost what little friends I had.

    Currently I have maybe 3 people that I would call friends? But over the past few months I've given up on them. I always initiate, hit them up to see what they've been up to, how things are, etc. And don't receive much in return. If I never contacted them, I would never hear from them. Now I don't feel like they dislike me, they're just lazy and unmotivated to come hang out. Just shitty friends I guess. They'd rather sit around and get high and sit in silence. I'm more of a 'let's get high and go do something' sort of person. When I did go visit them, we would get blazed and just sit there and watch TV, to me that's boring and I could just do that at home by myself.

    I have no parents or siblings or relatives, I can only really rely on my fiancée and her family for support.

    My fiancée has a lot of friends, and I remember being at hospital when my kids were born and it was all her friends there and none of my friends bothered to visit. The same thing at our housewarming, all her friends and none of mine bothered to show. Am I asking too much to have friends interested in my life? I probably sound a little ungrateful, but I dunno I just get lonely. I just wish I had some friends that would care about me and ask how I'm doing and what's going on in my life for a change.

    It never seemed to bother me too much but lately it does, I just wish someone apart from my fiancée would take an interest in my life. Am I being too dramatic?

    I know when you have kids your priorities change but one of those 3 friends has a kid of his own but is too hopeless to look after her and to come hang out with my kids.

    I don't know what the purpose of this post is, maybe just to get it off my chest or see if I'm not the only one in this situation. I don't know. I feel I don't really have any opportunities to make new friends.. I work 12 hours a day driving trucks and then come home and look after the kids and it just repeats during the week. Over the weekends I just like to chill and get blazed in the evenings. Don't get me wrong, I'm happy doing this but as I said before, I guess I just get lonely.

    Sorry for the long post, any thoughts or opinions would be greatly appreciated!
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  2. Ill be yer friend

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  3. well what can one do in this situation if he wants to make friends?

    Join some sort of club that shares the same intrests as you and frequent it often?
  4. well what can one do in this situation if he wants to make friends?

    Join some sort of club that shares the same intrests as you and frequent it often?
  5. #5 Batik, Mar 20, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 21, 2016
  6. I guess it's only natural to want friends but it seems like you have a pretty good life aside from that. Go out and talk to people and focus on what you do have. Many people would kill to have a loving spouse and family who loves them, even if they aren't by blood : /
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  7. I'd say his kids are blood.
  8. You do need your own friends. Not your wifes friends, though, I don't think that is a bad idea its just like one of those things you do out of sheer desperation.

    You don't sound desperate, you sound bored and lonely. I think you should find what moves you as an individual and pursue that growth, in time, depending on what it is and your experiences, you should be able to turn that around and share experiences with others.

    If you are looking for loyal friends, you need to demand that same level of respect and loyalty you are willing to give otherwise you end up being the one chasing people around.

    All relationships require a lot of work and effort to maintain, that is, if they are important to you. If they are not worth it move on, there are plenty of people who are just like you, looking for people, well, just like you.
    Good luck.
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  9. #9 Batik, Mar 21, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 21, 2016
  10. I'm 31, and I have no friends but it's all good. I have my partner and son, that's all I need.

    I've never really been one for friendships. I can only stand being in other peoples presence for a short while and then I start to get aggitated. Even as a kid I was the same. Probably has something to do with Aspergers but it's not something I ponder, or miss.

    If you want to meet new friends though find groups in your local area that you're interested in. Chess, cars, computers, cooking. Find something you enjoy, and then find a group. Look on meetup.com to find groups close to you. At least that way you will meet people that share your interests.

    If you have hobbies you can pretty much get by on your own. I do. I never really get bored because I always have something to do.
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  11. obviously i wasnt referring to his child.
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  12. I can relate man, the weird thing is I have a pretty big group of friends but I feel like they're similar to yours, they are there but generally uninterested and lacking motivation. I'm the same with a lot of people I guess so I can't really talk, but for the few close friends I do have I'll do anything.

    You're good without a lot of friends, don't let it get you down. But joining a club or even just hanging out at a new bar etc might be a good way to get to know some more people.

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  13. Thanks for all the replies everyone, given me a lot to think about.

    I don't know, going out to bars and clubs to meet friends seems odd to me, or maybe just foreign. I guess I'm not used to putting myself out there and actively looking for friends, which is probably why I'm in this situation in the first place.

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  14. I suppose I have to figure out what I like doing first. My job is pretty demanding, so on the weekends I just like to hang out with my kids and roll one up in the evenings. Doesn't really give me many opportunities to meet new people, but if I'm just patient and wait for my kids to be older and make friends with their parents or something.

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  15. As people age, certainly in the upper 20's and especially if they already made families like so many have, it is a common side effect that friendships spread further apart or completely dissolve. When we were kids, regularly going to school, we were con-stan-tly exposed to dozens of peers. You could hate 90% of your peers and still end up having 3-5 regular friends, simply because of exposure to raw number of play-ready and youthful minded people.

    This changes with age. As you said, you spend most of your time working and hanging out with the fam on the weekends. If you do the math, between work, sleep, household chores, and actual familial spending time together, there logically won't be anywhere near the peer-exposure time you had when you were younger. Therefore, the overall time required to form bonds often isn't there. Add to that that as people age they are more and more set in their ways and enthusiasm tends to fade, and yeah...most adults will have fewer and fewer friends.

    The Fix:

    I'm in my early 30's and I've experienced the same you are over the years. A bit less hard for me since I don't have any kids and the gf and I do a lot of biking and bar crawling, so we meet random people frequently. I still miss my regular squad of a couple guys I went to school with. Nothing that can be done about that if they have faded away decisively and don't seem to want/are able to hang out. What you can do is develop new habits and relationships.

    Men actually benefit from the company of other men.
    Men need nights out with the lads, scientists say

    Your wife's friends are useless in this regard. Your old friends seem to be as well. From a strictly pragmatic point of view, I'd say cross that bridge in your mind asap and move on for the sake of building a better friendship-microcosm for yourself.
    Going out and desperately seeking friends was never easy nor comfortable. Instead, find an activity in your area that has a regular turnout of like-minded men and commit to that activity. For me it was a local MMA gym and a local bicycle club. Both were very active and gelled with my schedule, so any time I wanted to hang out with dudes who are into something I am into (MMA), I could just go to the gym and be surrounded with about 2 dozen peers. Almost every gym I've been to, I'd eventually form a bond with a few guys and we'd go out for drinks and watch MMA events @ the local sports bar. If there is no such setup in your area, I'd advise broadening the search parameters. If you have to make an hour drive to get to the next town over to participate in a club you enjoy, I'd advise making that trip.

    There's still plenty of socializing out there, we just can't expect to get it as easily as we have when were kids in school and had little to no real life worries and responsibilities. If you put yourself out there, in the right environment, you will meet others and form perhaps even closer friendships. A major plus in this is that it really only takes one real good friend to make a huge difference in terms of loneliness and hanging out. Good luck.
  16. I hear ya.

    I've got a pretty close knit group of friends, but that's about it.

    I honestly don't have the time for a ton of friends haha.

    My lady has like no friends, and it's kind of a drag. She was extremely sheltered growing up and I know it bothers her.

    It's harder to make friends as you get older. People are usually set in their own ways by that time.

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