Hey all. Pretty much over the course of my teenage years from time to time I get bad, intrusive thoughts for brief periods. I know everyone gets them, but mine are different. They're not about OCD or anything, I just keep on seeing these images in my head which I'll describe below. In the first 'scenario' I keep on imagining a family with a little girl who doesn't have many friends and satisfies her loneliness with food. Her father yells at her and calls her fat for eating so much which just causes her to continue eating. Eventually her father buys her a pig costume and dresses her up in it whenever he catches her stuffing her face. He ties up her up to a post outside and makes her sit out there on her hands and knees all night long. They live in the countryside so there's no one around to report it. In the second 'scenario' I imagine a house pet like a cat, who is neglected by its family due to the arrival of another pet. I imagine it sitting outside on a cold Christmas eve watching its family warm inside having fun with the new pet while this animal is all by itself in the cold. The family no longer gives the animal the attention or love they used to. There's other various scenarios, too, that keep running through my mind. Stuff like innocent children who suffer psychological distress from the abuse of family members, other people, etc. And other stuff like kind-hearted nice people who are tormented for no good reason. These thoughts keep on running through my head and they won't leave me alone. I want to kill myself because they're so depressing but there must be a reason why they keep coming back. Why do these scenes keep on haunting me? I don't know anyone who this has happened too but I'm sure this stuff must have happened at some point. Maybe it's my recent rejection of Christianity (of which I was raised into for 18 years). Maybe now that I don't want to act like I accept an afterlife I just can't stand the thought that some people spend their one chance suffering. Parents who abuse their children, not physically, but psychologically. Making them feel ashamed, embarassed, insecure, depressed, just because they're messed up themselves. I can't stand these thoughts disturbing me. Can anyone help?
The fact that things like that happen in this world pisses me off and upsets me too...you just gotta control yourself any way you can. Maybe there is a God and there will be justice one day...thats my hope and it helps me a bit.
Maybe you could try Christianity again to see if that is the reason it's happening. On that note, I'm agnostic so do know that I'm not trying to push christianity onto anyone, just trying to give some advice.
spoiler alert, everybodies fucked up and been abused/scarred in one way or another. the important thing is that you learn its not your fault and to try to live a life keeping the bad things that happened to you from happening to those you know/love
First, OP....don't kill yourself. It's not worth it. Most people who try don't succeed the first time. You would end up in the hospital. It would be very painful and you would go to a psychiatric hospital next. You would stay there at least 2 weeks and you could even possibly be put into a 3 month treatment center if you don't improve Most people have things to deal with in llife. I have PTSD Focus on the positive things in your life. Spend your free time doing things you really enjoy. I love my dog, music and gardening plus I socialize at GC. These things help alot. And show love to the friends and family you trust and believe in. Don't let the issues you're dealing with create conflict with the people in your life When you focus on good things, these thoughts will bother you less often. Exercise is also good to do. When you work out for 30 minutes or so, your mind gets in a zone
I think you should see a psychologist or even a psychiatrist. I'm not saying this with any malice. These people are trained to help with this kind of thing, there are bad therapist just like there are bad doctors but there are a lot that know what they're doing. No one knows for sure if they can make the problem completely go away but they can help the symptoms and give you some peace of life back. If it's something like past trauma there are ways to help yourself or it could be something like a chemical imbalance.
(I always say this but...)Have you seen your primary care physician for a complete physical. The technical term for intrusive thoughts is "Obsessive Rumination". Treating any underlying disease process (thyroid disease, anemia, seizure disorder etc.) can help. Cognitive therapy can help. Older blood pressure medications such as Propranolol are coming back in vogue for pharmacological intervention Medscape: Medscape Access
I actually imagined the scenario with the cat outside on Christmas. But heres what you do, stop looking for a reason behind your thoughts, there is none. Instead learn how to write, or animate, and create you thoughts, the pig one could be a funny skit, or a serious drama. Stop over thinking and embrace. I was diagnosed with OCD, and ruminating intrusive thoughts. I gave up on therapy and helped myself by writing stories connected to my thoughts.
I wasn't abused as a child but my parents COULD have treated me a lot better. I didn't go to school until the third grade because I had very delayed social skills because I was sheltered and raised wrong. The one about the little girl I think may come from my past treatment of my little sister when we were both young children. My dad was very angry towards me for no reason and I too towards her, for no reason also. She didn't deserve it and I can tell it made her pretty insecure the following years. One of the things was was that she was and still kinda is a glutton, likes to eat a lot for the sake of eating, and I would just make her feel horrible about it because of it. I regret it so bad now and every day it haunts me that I acted like this but hopefully I can make it right one day. As for the second "scene" I don't know where that comes from. Maybe it's my fear of abandonment. I'm already seeing a psychologist to deal with my mental instability, delusions and anxiety. Dunno if he'd help me deal with this.
You need to be honest with your psychotherapist about these things. Sounds like some of your innermost issues are coming to the surface, especially if youve already been participating in cognitive therapies of some sort. Good luck man, you deserve to live free of these images. Might help to apologize to your sister too
