A stoner finds a poor person on the street and helps him up. The poor person says, "Son, I'm a genie. And since you helped me I'll give you three wishes!" The stoner says, "I want a six-inch joint!" The genie says, "O kay!" POOF! They stuff a six-inch joint and smoke it between the two of them. "What's the second wish?" asks the genie. "I want a 12-inch joint," says the stoner. "Okay," says the genie. POOOF! And they stuff it and smoke it between the two of them. "And the third wish?" "I want a 20-inch joint!!!". POOOF! So they stuff it and smoke it between the two of them. Finally, the genie gets up and says, "Okay, it's time for me to go!" The genie takes a few steps, pauses, turns around and says, "Okay, just one more wish."
Seven wise men with knowledge so fine, created a pussy to their design. First was a butcher, with smart wit, using a knife, he gave it a slit, Second was a carpenter, strong and bold, with a hammer and chisel, he gave it a hole, Third was a tailor, tall and thin, by using red velvet, he lined it within, Fourth was a hunter, short and stout, with a piece of fox fur, he lined it without, Fifth was a fisherman, nasty as hell, threw in a fish and gave it a smell, Sixth was a preacher, whose name was McGee, he touched it and blessed it, and said it could pee, Last was a sailor, dirty little runt, he sucked it and fucked it, and called it a cunt.
Why is rowing the best type of training if you want to be a politician ? Because you face one way and go the other.
This ain't that funny but... "Why doesn't congress have bookmarks?" "Because they just bend the pages!" http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/09/30/AR2006093001028.html
Thirty people on an airplane crash onto a deserted island in the south pacific. The group consists of 29 men and only 1 woman. After much discussion the unanimous vote is that everybody has needs and each man will take turns with the woman, three days per man is the limit. After they propose this plan the woman heartily agrees and the routine begins. Months go by with everything going as planned and nobody is unsatisfied with the arrangements. Then she dies. . . Another discussion is then called and the men are taken to a vote. Its decided they all have needs and despite the loss of the womans life its in their best interests to take turns, each man for three days. Everything continues smoothly until about three weeks in the men start speaking up. . . "you know im really not quite comfortable with this," "this isnt how i was raised, cant we do something else guys?" "honestly im just starting to dread everytime its my turn fellas. . ." So one last meeting among the men is called and as usual they reach another unanimous vote. "lets bury the body." props goes to my brother for telling me this one
so i'm walking down the street one day and i hear this noise. it's a really strange noise and i've never heard anything like it in my life. i'm curious about this noise and decide to find out what it is and it turns out it's coming from a monistary. so i go up to the monistary doors and knock. a monk answers the door and i ask him, "what is this strange noise that i hear coming from this monistary?". he replies, "i cannot tell you, you are not a monk." so i ask him, "how do i become a monk?". he tells me, "go and give away all of your posessions, then you must live in solotude for three years. after three years, return here to receive your training." so i go and give away all my posessions and live in solitude for three years. i then return to the monistary and once again hear the noise. i knock on the door and the monk answers the door. "i have given away all my posessions and lived in solitude for three years. i am now ready for my training." he then takes me inside and takes me to a hallway. "when you reach the end of this hallway you will have completed your training and will find the answer to your question" so i start down the hallway and notice that the noise is getting a little louder. i come to a set of stairs and the stairs go up so i go up the stairs. i get to the top and they go down on the other side so i go down the stairs. i get a little further and come to another set of stairs and the stairs go up so i go up the stairs. i get to the top and they go down on the other side so i go down the stairs. i get a little further and come to a wall. it seems i'm even closer to the sound now, but i can't get over this wall. it's about fifteen feet high so i can't jump over it or anything so i turn aound and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and back to the monk and i tell him, "i've reached a wall but i cannot climb it". he gives me some climbing gear and i take it and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and to the wall. i use the climbing gear and go up the wall and the hallway continues. i get a little further and come to a river. it seems i'm even closer to the sound now. i'm a fairly good swimmer, but this river is moving along pretty quick so i don't want to risk drowning so i go back down the small wall up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and back to the monk and i tell him, "i've reached a river but i cannot cross it". he gives me an inflatable raft and an oar and i take it and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs up the wall and use the raft and oar to cross the river. i get to the other side of the river and there's a large field so i cross the field and come to an even bigger wall. this wall is about fifty feet high so i go back across the field and cross the river and go back to the small wall and grab my climbing gear and go back across the river across the field and up the big wall. the sound is even louder now. i get to the top of the big wall and get a little further and come to an immense glass wall. i could break through it somehow, but i'd risk schard of glass falling on me and perhaps killing me so i go back down the big wall across the field across the river down the small wall up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and back to the monk and i tell him, "i've reached an immense glass wall but i cannot get through it". he gives me a glass cutting kit and i take it and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs up the small wall across the river across the field up the big wall and use the glass cutting kit to get throught the immense glass wall. the sound is really loud now. i get a little further and finally come to the end of the hallway and there's a door. i try to open the door, but it's locked. so i go back through the glass wall down the big wall across the field across the river down the small wall up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs and back to the monk and i tell him, "i've reached a door but i cannot open it". he gives me a key and i take it and go back up the stairs down the stairs up the stairs down the stairs up the small wall across the river across the field up the big wall through the glass wall and use the key to open the door and find the answer to my question. do you want to know what the sound is? i cannot tell you, you are not a monk!
i kno its a little past halloween but A married couple were going to go to a halloween party, just before they are getting ready the wife says that she feels sick, and decided not to go but insists that her husband goes, so he leaves, the wife lays down for an hour than decides she feels better and would like to leave. she puts on her costume and decides to go and surprise her husband. when she gets there she sees her husband in costume dancing with a bunch of woman, all scantily clad, she gets jealous and goes up to dance with him. Being the hottie that she was the husband ran to her and began to dance. a little while goes by and they wife says how about we go off for a mintute. he instantly agrees and they go into the bathroom and have sex. she kept her mask on and so did he. She then decides to leave before the unmasking at midnight, drives home and goes to bed. her husband comes home about an hour later, "how was your night" she asked him "oh terrible, you know how much those suck when you arent there, once i got there i saw bill and Jim and we played poker all night in the lounge" convinced he is lying she says "oh well than nothing eventful happened?" "well actaully" he says with a laugh "youll never believe what happend to mike, he borrowed my costume!"