hate

Discussion in 'Philosophy' started by dirtydingusus, Aug 12, 2011.



  1. there have been times in my life when i drank...quite a bit....that never helped
    and is not something i could do now if i wanted to....it has quite the negative effect on my already prevalent issues....

    as far as other drugs....we cant get into that ...but ill say i didnt like any of them that didnt fall into the psychedelic category
    so tried but then stayed away from a bunch of shit and it has been many years since anything other then weed....

    i really do wish my problem was that simple
     
  2. #42 dirtydingusus, Aug 13, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 13, 2011
    maybe you missed it in the many pages before your arrival...
    i do have an actual fucked up neurological issue
    and rage does happen to be a very real part of it
    i think my point is.....
    i dont have so much anger about all the bulshit in my past....
    i dont really give a shit about most of what went on....
    i like who i am....
    and all this sit made me this person!!!!
    i like me alot.....
    yes i could come up with shit to be mad about...but that shit dont bother me....

    the only thing there is no hope for......
    is an end to this -other then death.....

    there will be no end to waking up in strange places with no idea how i got there....
    there will be no end to memories that are just not there....

    there will be no end to sometimes being pissed at the world and hating fucking everything!!!!! for no good fucking reason at all!!!!!

    i took the pills....they made it all worse....
    i tryed so may fucking different pills...im lucky if i have a fucking liver left....
    i had the surgery....."rearrange me till im sane"

    you may have missed this earlier...
    but it is better then it once was....

    earlier i said none had been beaten up since the surgery....

    that was almost true...i forgot ..there was one fight...a year ago Halloween...but i only know what i was told about it....
    it was only with one person ...and not against a dozen cops and EMTs....
    and it was once....
    not twice a week.....

    and i have only woken up with no idea where i was 4 times in 2 years ....much better then twice a week....
    and i wasnt tied to the bed...
    before i would always be tied to the bed when i woke....
    they do that to you when you are kicking there heads in no matter how much drugs they pump into you....
    or so i am told after i wake and wonder how i got tied to this bed to begin with?
    where am i ?
    how did i get here?
    how long have i been here?

    so you see ...
    as long as i am only hurting myself .....
    it is better then what it could be....

    as for hope..
    i do believe there is nothing i cannot overcome....
    shit ..you should see some of what i have had to overcome to get this far
     
  3. Don't let science dictate your beliefs. They explain the how, but not the why. One love my friend.

    Namaste
     

  4. no kidding.....
    there is no physical reason....
    they have found no physical reason....
    they dont know shit...

    they know what happens.....but not why at all....
    i am not one to go to the doctor....im sure this has something to do with having to be tied down every time they came and "took" me...

    my life and what i have lived dictates my beliefs....

    and i believe that this life is a big fucking mess....
    and i am going to do the best i can to ride it out ....and make the most of it along the way....

    while i was out walking i considered coming back here and describing that part of myself i can stand in alittle more detail....but i will save that for another time
     


  5. Their lyrics strike me as very heartfelt and poetic, and the music fits the lyrics perfectly.


    I especially like that last one.


    What you said about angry music being a good release for anger couldn't be more true. My go to anger music is Nevermore and Strapping Young Lad, or really any of my favorite metal bands....works like a charm.
     
  6. sure..

    I saw the GWAR vid up there and lol'd...went to one of their shows on acid in Chapel Hill once...fuckin' craaaaazy! haha...good times
     

  7. been a far for a whole lot of years.....
    i know a guy who had his club shut down for violating obscenity laws when gwar was playing!:eek:;):smoking:
    he wrote a book about it....

    "kill the music"-Michael Plumides

     
  8. Ha..4808...that was when I didnt live here..was in C.H.-wonder if it became Tremont
     
  9. idk? never been there....met Michael online....and read a bunch of the book as he wrote it.....
    some of it is fucking great!



    btw- in case you cant tell...i did not wake up hating the world today!
    now i will do what i can to keep that feeling from creeping back in ....for as long as i can....;):smoking:
     
  10. good not to hate the world, brahhhHHHHH :D
     
  11. for now;):smoking:

    it does always find a way to creep back in....

    [​IMG]
    (An electroencephalogram (EEG) recording of a temporal lobe seizure.)

    spikes and waves......just got to ride them out!
     
  12. i get that, and i get the opposite of it too. i hate everyone sometimes, and sometimes i just hate myself. i think it's the same thing, really. the world is a frustrating place to live, and you can only take so much before realizing an expression of anger.
     

  13. it is a natural part of who and what we are as humans....
    everyone is capable of it....
    and at times we are all driven to it....

    the first thing that seams to happen if i dont find a place to direct it ...it that it turns on me....
    it is so easy to hate yourself....who knows all your faults better then you yourself....
    always have been my own worst enemy.....
     
  14. my anger is directed by my criticism. a lot of the time, it comes from an overflowing of frustration with a fucked up society and touches off after some inane thing like a guy holding up traffic to give me the right of way when i shouldn't get it. i take the opening but i hate the world for giving it to me because i expect tomorrow i will be waiting in some traffic because some jackass doesn't understand the concept. at that point, a nuclear bomb could drop on me and i would welcome it.

    the rest of the time, i'm disappointed in myself for having done something to contribute to the fucked up society. that usually touches off again by something simple, like wanting to buy something that's advertised. i loathe all marketing, so when it works on me even for a second i just want to eat a bullet.

    thankfully, there is a very long build-up to these kind of feelings for me.
     

  15. stupid people are just so easy to get frustrated with!!!!
    the simplest concepts just completely elude them.....

    and traffic.... thankfully they dont let me drive.....anymore...

    but it still bothers me....the fucking sign says yield..... not stop....not sit there like a scared moron and stair.....it means fucking proceed with caution.......
    the fucking idiot who thought it was a good idea to put two trafficcircles/rounabouts in a town full of people who already cant drive.....is the biggest idiot of them all.....
    thinking these fools could possibly understand how to use this simple device....

    some of them can get in but cant get back out....they just go round and round.......omfg!!!!!!!!

    some of them cant get in....they stop at the yield sign and just sit....
     
  16. A groan of tedium escapes me,
    Startling the fearful.
    Is this a test? It has to be,
    Otherwise I can't go on.
    Draining patience, drain vitality.
    This paranoid, paralyzed vampire act's a little old.

    But I'm still right here
    Giving blood, keeping faith
    And I'm still right here.

    Wait it out,
    Gonna wait it out,
    Be patient (wait it out).

    If there were no rewards to reap,
    No loving embrace to see me through
    This tedious path I've chosen here,
    I certainly would've walked away by now.
    Gonna wait it out.

    If there were no desire to heal
    The damaged and broken met along
    This tedious path I've chosen here
    I certainly would've walked away by now.

    And I still may ... (sigh) ... I still may.

    Be patient.
    I must keep reminding myself of this.

    And if there were no rewards to reap,
    No loving embrace to see me through
    This tedious path I've chosen here,
    I certainly would've walked away by now.
    And I still may.

    Gonna wait it out.

    "The Patient" Tool

    [ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VNHev9TbCKg]Eon Blue Apocalypse & The Patient - Tool - Live HD - YouTube[/ame]
     
  17. there certainly has been "No loving embrace to see me through"

    for the most part its just me.....
     
  18. The love is found in the mind and heart.. I know it's hard to control, but when your angry, try thinking with your heart and not your mind. It works for me.
     
  19. #60 dirtydingusus, Aug 14, 2011
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 14, 2011

    it found me before.....it just doesnt usually find me worth sticking around for....
    it would seam some of us are not worth the trouble...


    in my case it is the feelings that are angry..not the thoughts....the angry feelings out of nowhere that try and drive the thoughts to find any reason to lash out.......
    it is a never ending battle....
    but not one i intend to give up on ....
     

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