My father has a shit relationship with himself so that has manifested as him hating the entire world, so im included. it has affected him more then me but I cant help but feel slightly limited when someone so close to me thinks such atrocious, dark, cynical, blind,narcissistic, and materialistic thoughts about himself and his offspring. It doesn't directly affect me because im not one to carry other peoples baggage with me but the thoughts are always present. Itd be better if everything was much clearer and less conditional
dad and mom came to america not knowing english, so I learned everything about life on my own the only thing he really did was get a call from the school about something I did bad(I learned what right and wrong was on my own too) I did and whip me not even knowing the full details, still love my parents though.
My problem is definitely not as bad as a lot of other people's. My parents are Christians and always made us go to church and they told us if we stopped going to church then they would kick us out of home. My dad is purposely annoying half the time and cranky the other half. He kept me at home every weekend of my teenage years and made me do chores, didn't allow us to join any weekend sporting teams (there were to many kids for that) I did have friends but I wasn't able to go to parties or hang out with friends after school. I missed out on soooooo much fun and experience and my social skills suffered for it. My parents think I'm shy and even say it in front of ppl, making me feel humiliated even though I'm not shy anymore. So this church they made me go to was very fundamentalist, it was a sin to; fantacize about women, to look at women lustfully, to look at pictures of hot women without looking away immediately. so I had heaps of hang ups about sex and dating, thinking I had to be like 20 and have a house before I even start dating and then not have sex until marriage. Also the church is very involved in the dating process. I get along with my dad sometimes but mostly he is a pain to live with and his ideals ruined a large part of my life and put me at a disadvantage.
I would say me not having a relationship with my father (black) left me confused about my identity because I'm half black half white, grew up with my mom and her side if the family, and usually was told I'm the whitest acting black guy ever. But things are better now, my friends accept me for who I am, and I'm slowly finding myself.
I regret not having a relationship with my father. He was an addict and I'm pretty sure he did some fucked up shit to my household and family finances to fuel it. My mom hated him and showed it in an extremely passive aggressive way; usually told me I was going to end up like him, guess she thought it would help me. Anyway, I hated him for so long for not being there, for being inconsistent, unreliable. And last August I was away from my hometown for a week long PA trip and I got a call he was dying and wanted to see me and to get down there fast if I wanted to see him, and I said fuck that. Now that I have thought about and become more sensible to what he was probably feeling, the mental shit he probably went through, I kind of hate the way I treated him and wish I had been there for him. Yeah he was my father and he should have been there for me but I still wish I woulda have known him, talked to him, learned about him. My whole fam hates him and just doesn't talk about him or down talks him. I think if my family would have been sensible, although he prolly did fucked up shit, and wouldn't have shitted on him, then compared him to me, my relationship with them and him would have been better. So yea..... it kinda fucked me up.
I have a pretty good relationship with my dad and I'm thankful for it. granted, he's not on my best friend and we don't go to movies and shit together but he does everything for me. he takes me where ever I need to go. today for example he took off work to pick me up from the orientation at the university I'm going to attend. it's about a two hour drive and he woke up at 4am to drive me there on Monday. he's a hard working man who provides for his family. he's not very talkative and I guess that's something that I inherited from him. he doesn't like confrontation and argument ans I'm just like that. I went to get a haircut the other day and I picked up some bud on my way back home. my dad clearly saw me pulling out of the the budman's house while driving to the grocery store. I was like fuckkkk he's gonna think I was buying. he never brought it up. we'll talk about basketball some and he always gives me life advice and such, like telling me what the difference between a credit card and a debit card is and shit like that. I've always admired my dad's intelligence. we talk all the time but we don't really have much in common to talk about. he's taken me to every single basketball game I've had since I was 14. I'm extremely thankful that I have parents that I do. im thankful that I have them there to ask for things. I know that my mother's parents died when she was very young and she had no one to ask for twenty dollars to go out on the weekends like I often do. I couldn't ask for anything more from them
I did have a good relationship with my dad, but however when my mum broke up with her, i still had contact with him frequently. But however I still end up being shy and having not good social skills. My dad is the opposite, he's a bit more bold and tells the story how it's is. But he was shy himself during his early teenage years, but since I'm 19, I'm still shy and a bit unsociable
I don't have much of a relationship with my father, negative or positive, as he left my mother, sister, and I when I was seven or eight. He was an alcoholic, but not a destructive or angry one, it's just that he was totally unreliable in every imaginable way. He didn't work at all, and he would disappear for weeks on end. Turned out he had been cheating on my mother for a year and a half...And my mom kicked him out. But there wasn't much drama (at least none that I witnessed), their relationship had been over for some time. My memories of him weren't necessarily bad, he could be quite loving. He didn't abuse us in any way, he just couldn't deal with the pressures of providing for a family. And I think, despite his issues, that he is/was a nice guy at heart. I saw him two years ago and he has a new family and seems to be doing well. Some part of me blames him for the trust issues that I experience, and for the difficulty I experience becoming emotionally attached to others. That's part of why I find relationships depressing, I can't feel 'love' for anyone. I see others only in terms of what they want from me.
Phones work in both directions is always my excuse when my much older grandmother, uncles, cousins, etc ask me after a year or three, why haven't you call me? It is exhausting to have a one sided relationship with someone who pretends to care once in a while, in my family and my experience that is.... I'd say not calling your children is not a good idea. At the very least, once a month is good. Just to make sure the old stone doesn't get lost under the stresses of life. When my parents don't call, I never considered it was because they had a life, but instead, that they werent interested in mine. I think a lot of people are that way. It's like expecting fruit from a tree without watering it. If you water it every few months, it will either die or become very sickly, relying on outside forces to feed what it is lacking. The reality is that if it bears any fruit at all, it probably won't be that great. I responded to you because you had a different interpretation and viewpoint as others and you usually make me think with your posts. Don't think I was attacking your post, I just think you made a valid point that most children need to consider, rather than becoming bitter over their parents lack of involvement and interest in their children's lives.