Handling jealousy/insecurity issues?

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by TwztedElegance, May 28, 2010.

  1. #1 TwztedElegance, May 28, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 28, 2010
    I've been in a relationship with this girl for about 15 months now. We go to schools in the same country but I live elsewhere so we do the long distance thing over the summer. Overall our relationship and chemistry is pretty great, but I sometimes have a hard time with some jealousy issues. She's my first serious girlfriend whereas she has had 2-3 pretty long relationships before me.. we've had our problems with her lying about some stuff about her ex's, nothing too major, but I think this sparked some insecurity in me or something.. she used to talk to one of them sometimes or like be in touch on facebook or something and I found out about this later. she promised not to talk to any of them and deleted them off her friend's list and MSN and stuff and AFAIK she hasn't really talked to any of them anymore since this happened about 4-5 months back.. and i've been feeling much better over the last couple of months, but sometimes, accelerated by all the distance I guess, I just get really insecure and bummed out thinking about the other guys and other people she liked and all that stuff.. I know she loves me and she is serious about our relationship and I really really doubt she would ever cheat on me, but still.. this feeling just creeps up.. any idea how I should tackle all this? I've talked to her about such stuff earlier and she always listened and helped me out, but I kinda feel like these feelings should be gone by now.. sometimes I even get jealous when she's just talking to some guy friend of hers, LOL it's gotten way better now though. fuckin ridiculous eh?

    oh yeah, another thing. her 3rd boyfriend was the guy she pretty much cheated with on her ex.

    Should I just wait and push these feelings away and hope they're gone? I really don't want to end up being a spying insecure boyfriend, atleast not anymore than I already have.. haha.:p

    hope that rant made sense, i'm pretty baked
  2. If you show confidence its a double win. She'll dig it, and you wont look like a jealous bastard. Just suck it up.
  3. Yea man like dude above me said! No one likes the jealous bastard botfriend! Stop worrying about it. You said she LOVES YOU. If you truly believe this you shouldn't have to worry about her cheating which in turns means there's nothing for you to get jealous about. If she's faithful, that's all that matters, IMHO! She can hang out with whoever she want's whenever she want's as long as shes faithful!
  4. i struggled with jealousy when it came to my last girlfriend. she and i had dated in the past, and she cheated on me, then stayed with that guy for two years. she and i were together about 13 months or so, then we broke up last week. actually, a week ago. its better now, she still lives with me and we still feel the same way about each other but its much more laid back.

    all i can say is, keep it to yourself no matter how much keeping it in hurts.
  5. What is jealousy really? She's doing/done something you don't like and you want her to stop it so that you can be sure that your feelings won't be hurt again. You are insecure about her feelings for you, so you seek to control her actions so that she won't hurt you again. I know that is a simplification but I think it's intrinsically true.

    The first step to getting over it is to realize that you actually don't control anything she says or does. You can guilt trip for a while and that might stop her from doing things you don't want her to do. You can yell and scream and fight, and it might stop for a while too. There are lots of little tiny ways you can control or impose your will on another person, but eventually, that person is going to do what they want. (There is nothing wrong with speaking your mind though)

    In the end, jealousy/insecurity amounts to worrying. It will just make you more unhappy (and give you ulcers). Realizing that you can only control your own actions and attitude will make you more desirable, easier to get along with, and a better mate.

    I know this is gonna sound cheesy but.... your best plan of action is to work on becoming strong and self reliant, learn to believe you're worthy of love, be the best you that you can be, and hope that when school is done you have both grown in the same directions and are still right for one another.
  6. #6 TwztedElegance, May 29, 2010
    Last edited by a moderator: May 29, 2010
    thanks guys, I'll just suck it up and make sure i'm not keeping tabs on her then :) I like the way you described that, Jamayah. what you said is completely true. these stupid thoughts keep creeping up but she is with me now so I'm just going to ignore them as best as I can (with some help from MJ ofcourse, haha)

  7. I love how the thing under you user name says "thread killah". Sooo true for this one lol. Awesome advice.
  8. Seriously, you gotta suck it up or get out of the relationship. Guys who can't handle their girlfriends talking to other guys - be it friends or exes that they're still friends with - aren't ready to be in a relationship.

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