This guide was not written by me. This guide was taken another fourm via website www.mi-novia.com.ar which is a spanish website helping guys whose girlfriends have left them. I found it to be a great read. Hopefully you guys like it and find it useful. Post your comments! 1. You work or go to school with your ex In many cases men find themselves in these situations and disappearing or getting her out of your life is not possible. In these situations, since you can't physically remove yourself from this situation the best thing to do is to disappear "emotionally". Working or studying in the same space can provide you with the opportunity to feel that she no longer has you wrapped around her finger. Treat her like the friendly ugly girl at work or school that everyone gets along with. Ignore her every time you can, and should you be obligated to work with her due to the circumstances (avoid this if possible) treat her coldly, keep interaction brief. The key is to be friendly, yet disinterested. If for some reason you find yourself in the exact same space as her (work area, study area, etc.), leave before she does so, and don't give explanations if she asks for them later on. If for some reason you arrange to go somewhere where she will also go (e.g., meeting with classmates, co-workers for drinks) DO NOT GO. She will ask herself: "What does he have to do that's more important than to be where he knows I am?", "Is he losing interest in me?" Having her ask herself these questions is what you should aim for. Make her feel like you are over her because if she feels you are still in love with her, suffering and desiring to be with her, you have lost. 2. What do you do with her MSN/Aim? MSN/Aim is a weapon that men generally don't know how to handle. The vast majority of men keep their ex-girlfriends on their contact list, feeding their hope that via instant messaging, she will say something that will ease the hurt of the break-up. These guys feel that by keeping her on their contact list they maintain a bond with her and maintain the hope that she will feel bad about the break-up and tell you how much she misses you. Obviously, this never happens. Women are much more intelligent than us men think. When they see us online on their contact list, they know perfectly well that although we have the option of deleting and blocking them so that they can't see us, we decide to show ourselves online. This is the same thing as standing at her doorstep and waiting for her to come out, see us, and have her tell us something. By showing yourself online you are saying "Here I am, do you want to tell me something?". She will feel she has the upper hand by knowing that although you have broken up, you are still available to her with the click of the mouse and a keyboard. YOU DO NOT WANT THIS! Now some people will suggest to just block her and not delete her. This doesn't work either because you will be waiting to see her sign in, check if she has blocked you as well, read her personal messages, and eventually collapse and show yourself as online so she will hopefully talk to you. This will lead you to the exact situation I just described above. What you SHOULD do: Delete her from your contact list, and block her! This will ensure she never sees you online and therefore will never giver her the chance to know anything about you via instant messaging. If you think that by doing this you will lose the possibility of keeping contact, you are wrong. Think about it, she has your e-mail already, she probably knows your phone number, your address, and you probable have friends in common that she can use to send you a message if she really wanted to. 3. You start to feel your girlfriend is getting distant. When you start to feel as if your girlfriend is getting distant it's because she is! These ideas of ours don't invent themselves. 90% of the time a girlfriend gets distant is because there is another guy interested in her and in the majority of cases this other guy is offering her something different that she likes or is interested in. Don't waste your time asking your girlfriend if this is happening because in 99% of cases she will deny it. And in that 1% where she admits it, she will probably leave you shortly after. Generally what you do when your girlfriend is distant is you try to get closer to her. This prompts the opposite of the intended effect because she was trying to get distant in the first place and the closer you get, the more distance she will want to take. Maybe you are thinking "Well, if I'm not smothering her, I'm leaving an open pathway for another guy". This could be true, but on the other hand, you should think that she will not choose you because you ask her or because you force the decision on her. If she is distant, there is not better defense than a good offense. BE DISTANT YOURSELF! Let her be the one to begin to ask you what is wrong. Let her doubt your relationship and begin to think you are interested in someone else or someone else is interested in you. This might be hard to pull off, but you have to give it a shot and maintain control of the situation. Live by this advice: If you want your girlfriend to be distant, get close. If you want your girlfriend to be close, get distant. 4. You can't control your jealousy. In each case you should think that your girlfriend is by your side because she wants to be, not because of obligation. You should also always feel that your girlfriend is faithful because cares about you and not because you are controlling her. Many times we want to believe that if someone hits on her, she will involuntarily fall for their game. This is not true. Women never fall for any tricks. They are always perfectly aware of their actions. If your girlfriend is going to fall for the first loser to drop game on her, then the best thing that can happen to you is that this guy shows up early on and shows you her true colors. Come to terms with the idea that you can't always be by her side and you can't avoid having other guys hit on her and trying to take away what we feel is "ours". What do you do? Let her do whatever she wants!!!! It doesn't serve you any purpose to have a girlfriend that you feel you need to put a collar on like a dog to keep her under control! What does serve a purpose is to be with someone who respects both you and themselves. If she decides to cheat with someone, be grateful to that other person (as hard as it not to smash their head in) for helping you see she isn't what you wanted from a significant other. 5. She accuses you of cheating. This is good. Don't swear that you are faithful. When she accuses you of these things, laugh and tell her "It seems you're imagining things... I don't know why your with me if I'm such a bad guy". Make her respect you. You are a man and men like women. Not even the most jealous woman can change that. She can't demand that you close your eyes and don't look at any other women. Never admit to cheating, but don't assure her crying that you are incapable of doing so! If she's jealous, it's her problem, not yours! A woman will almost never leave you if she thinks you are with someone else. This will probably make her want you more. If she continues to be a pain in the ass, man up and get serious and threaten to leave her if she doesn't stop with the accusations. She is insecure and you don't want to be with a person that is this insecure. If you play this correctly, she will likely leave you alone. 6. She left you and you are conviced there isn't another guy in the picture. What makes you think such a stupid thing? Maybe you will say: "She told me so". Women are the biggest liars on this planet. 99% of the time a woman leaves you it's for another man, and I highly doubt you are in that other 1%. Unfortunately, you are in a far more inferior position to this other person she is with. Why? Because she will know that with a simply phone call, she can have you back, and this new guy she is with is the challenge she wants. It's time for you to man up and not be the pushover that is always there for her when that phone call comes because by doing so she will have the peace of mind in knowing that she has you wrapped around her finger and that the other guy is the "challenge" that she wants. Never doubt that there is another guy in the picture. 7. You are in a long distance relationship. Sorry, but long distance relationships have an expiry date. And in 90% of cases it's the woman who sets this "expiry date" and guys refuse to acknowledge it. A healthy relationship can't be maintained without sharing things, having sex, having fun, getting to know one other better, etc. etc. The guys around her will offer her a better relationship than what you can offer. Whatever love you have her will be forgotten when she has other guys offering her a "healthy" relationship, with dates, fun, gifts, sex, etc. She can assure that everything is great and that she will never leave you. And you will likely believe her. 8. She caught you cheating! First of all, nice one dumbass! For sure you are now smothering her, begging her to forgive you, in tears, telling her that it was a "mistake", and that it will never happen again, etc. etc. And she will likely be in tears herself, telling you that she has lost all trust in you, etc. If this wasn't enough, she probably ran off and told all her friends about what you did, who all instantly told her to dump you and never talk to you again. So now if she decides to forgive you, she will be left to look like an idiot before all her friends for taking you back. Let me give you some good news: No woman in love will definitively leave you because you cheated on her. Furthermore, no woman truly in love will leave you for no reason. Not even if you throw her off a balcony. Clearly, she will probably feel the need for vengeance. She will feed off of you begging her for forgiveness. Which is why it's time to stop doing so! What you have to do is stop, and have a face to face talk with her where you will show her an attitude that is totally distinct from what she is used to. You should show yourself to be confident and unphased. No crying like a baby like before. Through your attitude you have to make her feel that she lost the reins in the relationship. In this conversation, you should tell her that you will not insist on her forgiving you. Tell her that you have already asked her to forgive you in every way possible. That you want her, and that you have learned a lot from the experience and you would accept her decision if she decided she didn't want to continue the relationship. Tell her that you would wish the best for her and that you hope that for this mistake she won't hate you forever, and that you will always hold her in high regard. This will drive her crazy. What she really wants is you to kiss her ass, smothering her, crying. All of this to make her feel that she didn't lose you and she won't look bad in front of her friends. By changing your attitude you will shock her and it's likely that she will eventually want to continue the relationship, forgive you, and continue on. Careful: If you are likely to cheat again, don't take your own words too seriously and cheat on her if you want. Be more careful though and make sure she doesn't find out. 9. You have personal belongings at your ex's place. You broke up with your girlfriend and she has your things at her house, and some of her things are at your house. Typically, you don't give a damn about the things you left and the things she has at your place don't bother you at all. But you will ask yourself.... What exactly did we leave there? Cd's? How many? How much will it cost to buy them again? Will we listen to them again if we got them back? What else is there? A shirt? A photo? Stop with the stupid questions and accept the reality that these things don't matter at all. The only thing you really want is to get a reaction out of her and make her feel that by getting those things back that she is really losing you. Or maybe we hope that in this visit, she hugs you crying and begs to get back together. The best thing that she can feel is that she lost you and that it's HER that comes up with the idea of returning your things if she really wants to see you or talk to you. And in this case, the best thing you can say is: "No, it's ok, I'm busy, you can keep them". If she says she doesn't want them you can tell her: "I'm busy and can't get them, so put hem in a bag and give it to _____(friend you have in common) when you have time", and this friend will eventually get it to you. Of course, I gave the example of small things. If you left something of REAL value at her house, get it back immediately. I'm talking REAL value, something worth LOTS of money that not having will result in huge problems/complications for yourself. What matters here are the things she left at your place. Many guys constantly call their ex to try convince them to come by and pick up their things. BIG MISTAKE! What she left at your place is not your problem, it's hers! As long as she doesn't ask for them, put them in a bag and hide somewhere where you will never go (attic, closet, etc.) Calling her and telling her that you have some of her things and you want to return them is the same thing as saying "I'm still not over you". If she wants her things back, let her ask for them and find her own way of coming to get them. If she wants you to take it somewhere and drop it off, tell her to forget it and that you don't have time to do that. If she calls and asks for them, your response should be: "Come by and get them when you want, just call me before to make sure that I will be home". Maybe she will come for her things back as an excuse to see you, talk to you, and make fix things.... who knows. Basically, don't depend on her. These are her things. If she wants them, let her ask. If she doesn't, too bad! 10. Your girlfriend asked for a break. 90% of the time in which a woman asks her boyfriend for a break, it's because there is another guy chasing her. This doesn't mean she is dating this other guy, but it's very probable that she is very interested in this other person. Women are like Tarzan. They don't let go of one branch until they have hold of another. Therefore, if things are fine with your girlfriend and then she says "she's confused", it's probably because she has another guy in her view (DO NOT ask her because she will deny it). Clearly, she is very calm because she knows that you are likely in love with her and when she wants to return, she will, because you will be in your bed, crying over her. Knowing this, she has complete control to try out this new relationship, while knowing that she still has her other option (YOU!). Surely, since she told you she is "confused" you smothered her with phonecalls, e-mails, requests, etc. which did nothing but confirm to her that she has you wrapped around her finger. She left you and she knows that she still has you, and the only one hurting over this is YOU! But... What would happen if she didn't hear from you anymore? What would happen if you don't call her? if you don't chase after her anymore? What will happen if she learned through common friends that you don't talk about her anymore and that you are doing just great without her and moving on with your life? If she cares, she will realize that she is losing you and only then will she try to fix things. What you decide to do with her is up to you. You have asserted control over the situation. 11. Your girlfriend left you and you can't convince her to get back together. A woman doesn't get back with a man because he insists they do so, he smothers her, or he tells her he loves her. If your girlfriend left you, the only way to have her come back is for her to realize that she wants you. The only way to make your girlfriend realize this is to make her feel that she doesn't have you. Up until now, with your smothering, the only thing you have been saying has been: "I'm available whenever you're ready, when you want, come back to me". Therefore, she never felt that she really lost you. It's time she did. If everything you did up until now wasn't successful.... Don't you think it's time to change your strategy?? Disappear!!!!!!! Make it so that she can't get a hold of you and doesn't know what you're up to. Make her miss you! Let her ask herself: What's happening? He doesn't want me anymore? Is he falling in love with another girl? 12. Your girlfriend tells you she's "confused". No one is confused when it comes to what they want out of their significant other. Think about it, if you were really "confused", would you say it? NO! What you would do is think things through and clear your mind so you don't screw things up. So she tells you she's "confused" without regard to the consequences. What does this mean? She knows exactly what she wants. Therefore, if she tells you she's "confused", she is saying "I want to break-up because I like someone else". Although it may hurt, DO NOT TRY TO UN-CONFUSE HER! Why? Because she is not confused! The best thing you can do is distance yourself from her and start to move on. Have it be her who comes looking for you if she really wants to continue with you. 13. She left you, and now she wants you back. This is great. You have her right where you want her. But you need to clarify some things to her. You are not a yo-yo that can be thrown to the ground and with a simple pull of a string can be pulled back into your hand. If she's coming back to you after a "confused" or "break" episode, make her wait! Tell her that in this time apart things changed and now it's you who is uncertain and needs to think things through. Let her cry a little over you. Let her fear that maybe you don't want her back. Let her realize that she can't leave you whenever she feels like it and return when she wants to. Keep in mind, that if you cave in instantly and get back with her right away, she probably leave you again 3 days later. 14. Your girlfriend left you, and she calls you but doesn't speak, leaves you messages, etc. Typically, women leave men but they want to be assured that we are still in love with them. Therefore, as you spend a period of time in which you don't call her and she shows nothing about your life, she will want to know something and she will call you with a stupid excuse to see if you tell her something and/or give her an indication that you are still suffering over her. Another thing they do is call you and not speak when you answer the phone, so that you, acting like an idiot will call her back and see what he wanted. Rationalize things a bit: When she left you, she told you so with words, right? Well, therefore if she wants to something from you, let her do the same! DO NOT respond to her messages, nor call her back if it's one of those "ghost calls". 15. Your ex-girlfriend wants to be friends. LIES!!!!!!! What she wants is to have you nearby and under control. What she wants is to know about you and have you near her so she doesn't miss you. She is likely trying to start a new relationship with someone else, while she doesn't want to lose you completely either. This is why she wants you as a friend and have you there to kiss her and hug her every so often. If she really wanted to be your friend she wouldn't try to kiss you at times, and she wouldn't want to have sex with you. Is this the kind of relationship you want with her? Likely not. And do you wand to be her friend? Many men prefer to be friends so that they don't completely lose her, to keep her nearby. That's fine, but how will you feel when your "friend" comes to you for sexual advice for her new boyfriend? Like crap? Right? Do not ever be her friend because she will always know what you feel for her. Don't trick yourself. Don't EVER be her friend. 16. Should you call your ex on her birthday? She was your girlfriend and she left you. Possibly to be with another guy. She knew she had the door open for returning and she didn't do so. Calling her after everything to wish her a happy birthday solely because it's an exact number of years since her mother gave birth to her is COMPLETELY STUPID! Moreover, this is an excellent chance for her to think: What happened to him that he didn't call me? Did he forget? How can it be that even with the "excuse" of my birthday, he didn't call? Does he have another girl? Does he no longer care about me? Calling her would be like saying: Relax and stick to what you're doing because I'm still here, available and thinking of you like an idiot. Don't pass up this opportunity. Make her feel like she is losing you. The same concept applies for Christmas, New Years, etc. etc. 17. She left you and you feel like you can't live without her. How can this be? Were you not alive before you met her? Therefore you can live without her. If your ex-girlfriend were necessary to live, every man in the world would be desperately chasing her. And this is definitely not happening! I can assure you that with time you will begin to feel better, like the old you, or even better. No woman is absolutely necessary to live, let alone one who left you to be with someone else! Lots of times we think: "She's the one"... How can she be be one if she literally pissed all over you and your relationship with her? If you're the kind of person that believes that out there somewhere is the "The one": Well, she hasn't yet arrived! Adopt the mentality that the things in your life revolve around you, and not the other way around. You come first! If you put her ahead of yourself, you lose control of your life, and start to revolve your life around hers. The most important thing here is to focus on you first, and not her. Don't forget this. 18. The most important step to get her back If your girlfriend left you or asked for a break (both things are the same) disappear for a bit and don't contact her. Many times our girlfriends leave us because they have the peace of mind and security that we are so in love with them that no matter what, even if they leave us, they won't completely lose us. This is because they know that when they want to return, they can. And to make it worse, we reinforce this every time we call her, send her messages, send her gifts, try to convince her, etc. The best thing you can do in these cases is "disappear" from her life entirely and her not know anything about your life. You will find out if she really cares about you, shortly into your "disappearing" as she may try to find out about you. Don't let her know anything! Careful: Disappearing involves no contact via e-mail/instant messaging. For the guys who want to play the game on her: Up until now, she never felt that she really lost you. Now, you will make her feel as if she did. Have her suspect you are falling for someone else. Hang out with this other person, play the game that you are moving on. This will drive her nuts. If she wants you at all, she will make it known and say something indicating her interest and let her feelings be known. If this doesn't happen, then let her stick to what she's doing and pursue things with this other girl if it's what you want.