Post it here lets see if anyone has any really good jokes/riddles I'll start \tAn 86 year old man walked into a crowded doctor's office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, "Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?" "There's something wrong with my penis," he replied. The receptionist became irritated and said, "You shouldn't come into a crowded office and say things like that." "Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you," he said. The receptionist replied, "You've obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people.You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private." The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, "Yes?" "There's something wrong with my ear," he stated. The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. "And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?" "I can't piss out of it," the man replied. The doctor's office erupted in laughter.
Man goes to the Doc and says he has real bad hearing probs, the says " describe the symptoms", the man says " well Homer is fat and yellow, and Marge has blue hair. Have you heard about the insomniac,agnostic, with dyslexia? He stayed up all night wondering if there is a dog
I made a thread with these in it already, but I doubt everyone has heard them. So, if you've heard/read them, pass it by. If not, then enjoy! A guys wife goes on a business trip and he gets really horny. He goes down to the local whorehouse and says, "I need a fresh woman". The hostess says "I'm sorry we're all out of fresh woman, but we have room a." He's dissapointed but accepts. He walks into the room and sees a bunch of chickens. At first, he's confused but he got down to business and fucked every single one of the chickens. Three days go by and he gets really horny again. He goes down to the local whorehouse and says, "I need a fresh woman". The hostess says "I'm sorry we're all out of fresh woman, but we have room B." He's dissapointed but accepts. He goes up stairs, walks into the room and sees nothing but two naked old guys laughing hysterically. One of the old men looks up and calls him over. He looks down and threw a hole in the ground he sees this guy plowing a sheep. The guy falls over laughing and says "That is the funniest thing I've ever seen" the old replies, "thats nothing , you should've saw the guy fucking the chickens. A little girl walks in on her parents having sex and the next morning she asks, "Mommy, what were you and daddy doing last night?" The mom is stunned and doesn't know what to say. Luckily, daddy comes in and says, "Don't worry, we're only baking a cake." A couple of days go and one morning the little girl goes running up to her mom and says with a big smile on her face, "Mommy you and daddy were making cake last night." Mommy is shocked and asks, "What?! How do you know?" The little girl replies, "I licked the frosting off the couch"... Same girl walks by the bathroom and sees her mom walk out of the shower. She points down and asks, "what's that mommy?. The mom looks down and says, That's my vagina. The little girls asks, "when will I get one of those." The mom replies, "when you're older sweetie." About a half an hour goes by and she sees her dad walk out of the shower. She points down and asks, "what's that daddy?. The dad looks down and says, "That's my penis." The little girls asks, "when will I get one of those." Daddy responds, "Right when your mom leaves." A little boy walks in on his parents having sex and his dad winks and laughs at him. The next day the dad walks in on the little boy fucking his grandma and the little boy says, "Ain't so funny when its your mom, is it?"
Guys daughter walks up and sais, "daddy can i borrow the car" he sais sure but you know what you gotta do, so she gets down and starts sucking his dick, then she sais" Damn dad your dick tastes like shit" and hes like " oh shit what day is it, Fuck your brother has the Car tonight" haha that one never gets old. DC
ok its long as hell but its worth it!!! Just imagine sitting in traffic on your way to work and hearing this. Many Sydney folks did hear this on the FOX FM morning show in Sydney. The DJs play a game where they award winners great prizes. The game is called “Mate Match“. The DJs call someone at work and ask if they are [COLOR=blue ! important][COLOR=blue ! important]married[/COLOR] or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers “yesâ€, he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions. The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with [COLOR=blue ! important][COLOR=blue ! important]phone [COLOR=blue ! important]number[/COLOR][/COLOR][/COLOR] for verification. If their partner answers those same three questions correctly, they both win the prize. One particular game, however, several months ago made the Harbour City drop to its knees with laughter and is possibly the funniest thing you've heard yet. Anyway, here's how it all went down: DJ: “Hey! This is Ed on FOX-FM. Have you ever heard of ‘Mate Match'?†Contestant: (laughing) “Yes, I have.†DJ: “Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to the [COLOR=blue ! important][COLOR=blue ! important]Gold [COLOR=blue ! important]Coast[/COLOR][/COLOR][/COLOR] if you win. What is your name? First only please.†Contestant: “Brian.†DJ: “Brian, are you married or what?†Brian: (laughing nervously) “Yes, I am married.†DJ: “Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please.†Brian: “Sara.†DJ: “Is Sara at work, Brian?†Brian: “She is gonna kill me.†DJ: “Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?†Brian: (laughing) “Yes, she's at work.†DJ: “Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?†Brian: “About 8 o'clock this morning.†DJ: “Atta boy, Brian.†Brian: (laughing sheepishly) “Well…†DJ: “Question #2 - How long did it last?†Brian: “About 10 minutes.†DJ: “Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake.†Brian: “Yeah, that trip sure would be nice.†DJ: “Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning? Brian: (laughing hard) “I, ummm, I, well…†DJ: “This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?†Brian: “Not that it was all that great, but her mum is staying with us for a couple of weeks…†DJ: “Uh huh…†Brian: “…and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time.†DJ: “Atta boy, Brian.†Brian: “On the kitchen table.†DJ: “Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this.†[3 minutes of commercials follow.] DJ: “Okay audience; let's call Sarah, shall we?†(Touch tones…..ringing….) Clerk: “Kinkos.†DJ: “Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?†Clerk: “This is she.†DJ: “Sarah, this is Ed with FOX-FM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now.†Sarah: (laughing) “A couple of hours?†DJ: “Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away or you'll lose. Sooooooo… do you know the rules of ‘Mate Match'?†Sarah: “No.†DJ: “Good!†Brian: (laughing) Sarah: (laughing) “Brian, what the hell are you up to?†Brian: (laughing) “Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest.†DJ: “Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to the Gold Coast for 5 days on us.†Sarah: (laughing) “Yes.†DJ: “Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?†Sarah: “Oh God, Brian….uh, this morning before Brian went to work.†DJ: “What time?†Sarah: “Around 8 this morning.†DJ: “Very good. Next question. How long did it last?†Sarah: “12, 15 minutes maybe.†DJ: “Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to the Gold Coast. Are you ready?†Sarah: (laughing) “Yes.†DJ: “Where did you have it?†Sarah: “OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that did you?†Brian: “Just tell him, honey.†DJ: “What is bothering you so much, Sarah?†Sarah: “Well…†DJ: Come on Sarah…..where did you have it? Sarah: “Up the a$$…†After a long pause, the DJ said, “Folks, we need to take a station break†And the drivers[COLOR=blue ! important][COLOR=blue ! important][/COLOR][/COLOR] of Sydney almost crashed their [COLOR=blue ! important][COLOR=blue ! important]cars[/COLOR][/COLOR] laughing![/COLOR]