Good Old Fashioned Dirty Limericks!

Discussion in 'Grasscity Forum Humor' started by Pontoon, Nov 15, 2016.

  1. Probably not for the kids to read. And they don't have to all be dirty...although most of the good ones are!
    I'll start with the classic limerick everyone's heard. Made up ones are acceptable and encouraged!

    "There once was man from Nantucket...with a dick so long he could suck it.
    He said with a grin, while wiping his chin...if my ear was a cunt I would fuck it!"
  2. While not exactly a Limerick it is an original creation and it's close enough to that time of year.. If you think it's to far off theme I'll pull it..

    I bring this forward for another year.. Still feels like it needs more fine tuning but I'll let it stand for now..
    A Growers Christmas Lament
    Twas an hour before 420 and all through the grow
    Something was amiss but what I didn't know
    The cuttings were placed in the rock wool with care
    In hopes that new roots structures soon would be there
    The clones were all happy having just been fed
    While visions of smoking them danced in my head
    With buds in a jar and kief in the cap
    If I smoke more of this I'll need a long nap
    When out of my grow there arose such a clatter
    I staggered from my couch and dumped all my shatter
    Away to my tent I flew with a flash
    Ripped open the zipper and spilled drying hash
    The halide lamps color of new fallen snow
    Gave the luster of midday for the cannabis below
    When what to my bleeding red eyes should appear
    But a miniature web and 8 tiny mites oh dear
    With a shiver down my spine I moved really quick
    Thinking to myself I've been a real dick
    More rapid then fans my treatments they came
    And I whistled and shouted and called them by name
    Now Neem, Now Lavender,
    Now Rosemary and Cinnamon
    On Spinosad, On Thuricide,
    On Thyme and Pyrethrum
    From the top of the light
    To the last inch of wall
    Now Kill them Kill them
    As dry fan leafs before the duct fans they fly
    A few bong hits like that I'll be high as the sky
    So off to the kitchen I staggered and slew
    Ripped open the cupboards and ate all the brownies too
    And then in a stupor I heard at the door
    The whine of a bullhorn and dove to the floor
    As I drew in my head and was turning around
    Down the chimney my growme came with a bound
    He was dressed all in tie dye from his head to his foot
    And his trip down the pipe stack had him covered in soot
    A kilo of fine weed was clutched in his hand
    He said it's the cops please hide me good man
    His eyes stared in terror This must be in error
    I have my recommendation They'll beat me past resuscitation
    The stump of the pipe he held tight in his teeth
    Stunk of something dead like skunk crossed with sheep
    He pulled out a jar of mixed hash and kief
    If you help me escape this is yours to keep
    I opened the door and confronted the cops
    With my papers in hand this really must stop
    The look in his eyes and his hand on his gun
    Convinced my growme and I we should have just run
    We spoke not a word but stood handcuffed in place
    Watching in horror as the officer strip searched the space
    He spoke not a word but went straight to his work
    When finding the butane he turned with a jerk
    And laying his finger aside of his nose
    In front of the judge your going to get hosed
    Shoved into his car in the deep dead of night
    I heard him exclaim as we drove out of sight
    Merry Hempfest to all and to all a Good Night !!!!!!!!!!!
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