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Going solo

Discussion in 'Sex, Love & Relationships' started by greedyorphan, Jan 26, 2014.

  1. #1 greedyorphan, Jan 26, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 26, 2014
    Ok, a little backdrop.......
     
    My wife of 7 years and mother of my child and I are seperated. She lives with her parents and I am currently living out of the office that I am currently employed in. I work 2 jobs and am working on a third. I suffer from insomnia so I might as well be making $ while I am awake, right?
     
    Anyway, a female I work with asked me the other day why I never holla at any females or try to make friends.
     
    It's not like I don't want friends but I am comfortable with the ones that I have now was my answer. She also wanted to know about the females part of the question but that was a harder topic to discuss.
     
    I'm not too quick to trust females anymore. I can admit that I have trust and monomagy issues. My own mother left me when I was young and a couple times after that and after a 7 year failed marriage, I feel as though I have to build a brick wall around myself in order to protect the only thing that I have left intact......which is my sanity.
     
    My questions are............Am I coming from a fucked up place? Am I the only one who sees the reasonability in this choice of living life as a recluse?

     
  2. Start over. Don't give up.
     
  3. #3 Carne Seca, Jan 26, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 26, 2014
    Yes.  You are coming from a fucked up place.  What you're experiencing is called defensive detachment and it's going to fuck up any relationship you have.  Find a good therapist.  That may take some doing.  There are a lot of them out there but so few good ones.  You need someone that is going to challenge you and occasionally piss you off.  A good therapist is one that will make you work your ass off and actually deal with your shit.  
     
    You have abandonment issues that feeds into your defensive detachment.  It's a bad combination.  I think going solo right now is a good thing.  It will give you some time to work on your issues and get stability back in your life.  The main thing is find a therapist and get into counseling.  If you could fix it on your own you would have by now.  It took years for you to get where you are now.  It's going to take some time to get your balance back.    
     
  4. [quote name="Carne Seca" post="19408700" timestamp="1390724814"]Yes. You are coming from a fucked up place. What you're experiencing is called defensive detachment and it's going to fuck up any relationship you have. Find a good therapist. That may take some doing. There are a lot of them out there but so few good ones. You need someone that is going to challenge you and occasionally piss you off. A good therapist is one that will make you work your ass off and actually deal with your shit. You have abandonment issues that feeds into your defensive detachment. It's a bad combination. I think going solo right now is a good thing. It will give you some time to work on your issues and get stability back in your life. The main thing is find a therapist and get into counseling. If you could fix it on your own you would have by now. It took years for you to get where you are now. It's going to take some time to get your balance back. [/quote] good advice man! Op, I would listen to his suggestion.Sent from my iPhone using Grasscity Forum
     
  5. #5 greedyorphan, Jan 26, 2014
    Last edited by a moderator: Jan 26, 2014
     
    I can definitely see where you are coming from. I guess I've just always scoffed at the idea of therapy and counseling as a thing for the weak minded. But whatever helps, helps right?! But the thing is, I've been digging this lifestyle so far. Nobody to answer to. Noone to be in my business. Just me, myself, and I type deal.
     
  6. Yo greedy your just coming to that inevitable point where you see how goofy chicks can be. You are ready for Patrice Oneal to enter your life
     
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LPq7CyHqQ2I
     
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8l_mRgSCBAQ
     
  7. That was Hilarious!!!!!!!!
     
  8. Aint no funny like the truth
     
  9.  
    What women's sport would you watch?
     
    Volleyball.....for jack off reasons.
     
    LMMFAO!!!!!!!!!!
     
  10. theres hours of dude man,
     Black Philip and Opie and Anthony were his best dialogues. Checkem out
     
  11.  
    I don't really do the whole prostitute thing. When I get horny I have a few FWBs that I have on deck but that's about it. And yes I am definitely staying away until my $ is right and even then it will probably be a LONG time before I commit to a damn thing even resembling a relationship.
     
    And what the hell is a darkie?
     
  12.  
    He's referring to dark skinned women -_- as if skin color determines if a woman is a shitty person or not.
     
    Don't take advice from someone who bases character off race and views women as filthy money grubbing bodies. lol.
     
     
    Sounds good that you are taking some time to yourself, you sound like you really need it right now. I think its ok to be cautious, in a world like this with so many fake people. But don't give up on finding that one right person, there are still good women out there.
     
  13.  
    Kinda figured that was what he was referring to. Damn, I thought I was jaded. Yeah, I won't give up. I think taking a step back will give me more insight about what I want in a soulmate. Fools rush in and I definitely rushed in!
     
  14. To each their own.
    You have your reasons.
     
  15. #15 Bamboobam, Jan 26, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2014
    Wow what a fucking jerk. I'm a black woman and am offended you want to call dark skinned people "darkies"... I am smart and college educated so anyone that says that "darkies" are no good are worse off since they are so ignorant to get to know a person as more than just a skin color.
     
  16. #16 Bamboobam, Jan 26, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2014
    This was totally stupid and unnecessary to say. You have gold digging and nasty hoes in ANY race. So, if your ass gets played by a girl in a race who you thought was "the shit" then, no one's gonna feel sorry for you. That's your ignorance slapping you back in the face.
     
  17. #17 Bamboobam, Jan 26, 2014
    Last edited: Jan 26, 2014
    Yea, don't listen to that dude. He's fucking stupid and not all dark skinned people are the same.
     
  18.  
    That's fucking racist.   You need therapy more than the O.P. does.  Jesus.  
     
  19. from a girl's POV who on the flip side was left by my dad and molested one time as a very young kid I can see what you mean. nothing wrong with thinking the other gender's fucked up. men and women are very different in the mind so it's a constant battle to understand and coexist lol. anyways I've never had a real relationship and I jus turned 20, but I recently met a guy by accident and he was like the first guy I genuinely liked and it scared the shit out of me and it took me a long time to allow him to like me and allow myself to see myself with him. before him I made 0 attempt to date, didn't even have a bit of desire to, so it was good we met by chance. him and I became a work in progress because I had to move back to college, but it made me realize I can't go through life being guarded or i'll never get around to livin. obviously you've already been through some shit...so i'd say jus take what you've learned from it but dont be afraid to be vulnerable. sounds like your and your ex jus didnt work out. thats not all your fault, people change. people let us down, and we let people down, too. and relationships are hard work. all I'm saying is dont pass up a good opportunity out of fear, let yourself take some risks and grow from them, just don't fall in to deep you lose control lol. but having the ability to be happy alone is a great thing and really liberating for personal growth. I watch my friends alone and miserable like they are suffering from a sickness and need a cure...i'm like sit down and relax lol
     
    “People let their own hang-ups become the obstacles between them and personal happiness.” is a quote I like for other shit that has happened in my life but it sort of applies here.
    i like quotes lol.
     
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