God's muffins

To celebrate Christmas my mother and I did the same as any year. Not once in my 19 years have I opened gifts at home. We drove over to my grandparents house, me being very high, and spent 10 minutes battling snow piles for possession of parking spots. We all hugged and my grandpa offered me a beer. I overheard someone say that our aunt was coming this year.

I haven't seen her much since her husband died. Poor old girl, has a 40 year old introvert of a son pissing away his existence in the dark wooded basement. On top of that, her grandson wasn't expected to live to the age of 11. He has gone under the knife close to thirty times, and endured the worst school bullying that I'd ever seen. I smirked as I noticed the presents carefully placed around the foyer. This year was a coming of age for me. For the first time I spent money on others and quite a bit, at that. Yet still, gifts for me reigned supreme at around 3:1. A pair of World Poker Tour slippers, a GPS navigational system, Wranglers, glassware and chocolates. Ten pairs of boxers, three sweaters and a very generous boss who bought a hoodie.

My reaction after each gift was geniune, but the appreciative excitement faded a bit towards the end. A stoner on Christmas morning can only say so much. Fortunately, words weren't necessary for my last gift. Auntie made her way to a chair and passed me a gift. How awesome, I thought; I wasn't expecting a present. I opened it, and staring me down were 12 homemade banana muffins. Inside I was screaming thank you so loud you could wake up Buddha. As a courtesy, I offered a muffin to my family but was quickly turned away. They told me that Auntie makes a hell of a good muffin, and not to share any. My brain didn't know how to react. It wasn't programmed to comprehend so much good shit happening at one time. I told my family I was running to the store, and I drove up to an abandoned school. I smoked some sensi and was feelin' irie, waited for ten minutes, and then took a bite of the muffin.

It was the greatest muffin I'd ever tasted. My first reaction was to share this amazing experience. I rolled down my window and offered a bite to a stranger walking his dog. He was hostile at first, clearly not fond of randoms shouting at him. He asked if I was high. I told him that was a good guess. He took a bite and said, "If God made muffins, they would taste like this."



I said yah mon and went on my way.