god only chooses to shit on me when he's got diarhea

welp its 415 in the morning and i've been by myself all night and day poppin xanax (5mg parachuted)and drinkin 100 proof vodka (got a little less then half a bottle lef), and i'm still awake becase my mind just wanting to know y i can never just get a few problems at a time, they always gotta come in multiple amounts, first theres the whole court ordeal, but that doesnt bother me, then theres the thing with the bank where i'm in debt 440 dollars and thats somewhat of a deal, but not tnough to keep me from losing sleep...... but then theres the main one, while i was drinkin n eating my xanax i can remember talking to my girlfriend (who is the most perfect girl i've ever had the pleasure to have any kind of relationship with, everything about who she is is beautiful) and she was sayin about thinkin she's pregnant n shit, and i passed out for like an hour after that and wokeup and just thought it was all a dream that she was telling me that, and then about 30 minutes ago she just called me and she took a pregnancy test and it came up positive, so pretty much she's pregnant, and now for the even better part, i already said earlier how she's the most beautiful person i know in all aspects, well it aint even my kid, i havent had sex with her for about 2 months, and she told me she's been fucking other guys..... i've had 4gf's through my life, and all of them have cheated on me though i've never cheated in my life on anyone........ god has to hate me, he has to, i'm no angel but i constantly try to help people out in anyway i can, whether its givin some of my friends who are broke close to a half pack of cigarettes some days to lending people money and not having any real intention of them paying me back unless they want to (which rarely happens), and i even been helpin complete strangers out occasionally, yet i get no good karma whatsoever in return


i'm startin to think tomorrow should be the last day of my life, said that before in crazy drug situations, n it probably wont happen but i wish it would somehow, i'll probably do what i usually do and load up on a variety of things to a very dangerous level, and the simply survive it like i've done 10 times before

i think this might have been the only post i've ever typed that didnt have the word "haha" in it so heres one for u to coverup the way i feel like i always do, ha...ha.......

 

edit: dont even bother reading this unless you give a fuck, cuz mostly its just me rambling about my life and shit and u could prolly care less so dont waste your time go read a cooler thread

nah, she's gettin abortion cuz she only 17 and that aint exactly the age u want to have a child at...... i've had 4 or 5 gf's my entire life, all of them have been extremely attractive and all of them have cheated or fucked other guys, shits fucked up i dont think loyalty exists in a females head, all that those bitches care about is money and "having fun" whatever that fun might be

it aint like i can switch shit up either and just start fuckin as many girls as possible cuz females just aint attracted to me, i'm lucky if i got 1 chic to have sex with every 6 months

i dont think god is trying to tell me to cut down on drugs, because alot of yall have known me long enough to know how incredibly horrible i used to be, all i do now is smoke weed and any other drug that i get i dont do until weekends because i want to be able do the best i can when i'm at work cuz i treat other peoples houses that i'm fixin like they were my own, i want the person to be extremely satisfied with the results, haha although i aint gonna lie i painted one of the owners of my companies house while i was trippin on amt, but even then he complimented me on how good of a job i did because he had a hard time paintin it himself.

also god has been fuckin me over for as long as i can remember, even before i was born, cuz i was born with heroin in my system because my mom started that habit about 2 weeks before i was born, then when i was 3 my mom pretty much chose drugs over me, dont have any resentments toward her though because i know how that works, and theres alot of little shit as a kid that seemed bad at the time but doesnt seem that bad now like gettin picked on n made fun of, and i even got tied to a tree and beat with a fuckin stick

i cant even do dxm anymore, last time i did it i took 600mg and got extremely delusional n thought i was dieing

well, cant isnt the word considerin i did more than 600 a lil while ago, i aint gonna specify the amount though

i need to sit down and think what it is that i'm doing wrong to cause all of this

i always had this hypothesis that reincarnation is real and that heaven and hell is fake, and what happens is if you live a life full of sin or watever and when you die your reincarnated into the same person in the next life and however u lived your last life determines whether you live through heaven or hell in this life, i must have been fucked up in my past life, theres nothing i can do about that now though

 

ok, well i did a little bit of math n figured some shit out, if i close my bank account on monday (since its to late to do it now) it'll stay at 440 dollars, and when i get my next paycheck in 10 days i'll be gettin like 415 bucks (cuz i missed a day of work) and i gotta pay my attorney 100, 30 dollar payment on a fine, and that leaves me with 285 to put toward my bank debt, so that brings my bank debt down to 130, and then i get another paycheck, pay all the bank debt off and then give 100 to the attorney and 30 to the fine




welp nvm i just figured somethin out

in order to write checks to attorneys and fines n shit, i need a fuckin checking account, back to the fuckin drawing board